What are you thinking?

The long weekend is half over and I've spent 98% of it alone in my basement. Yay.

 

School's starting soon and I sadly haven't even gotten all the wardrobe updates I want. How am I supposed to come out? If I have to go around looking like a girl!

 

You could always plan things out ahead of time. Make Word documents or write down everything your thinking, then once it's mapped out, just retype it on here in whichever forum is appropriate.

 

Ugh.

 

I miss being loved..by more than one person..

 

Thanks, I might try that!

 

I don't know if what I'm going through (my bigender and my heteroflexibility) is just a phase or what. I mean, I don't think it is, because I've started feeling the latter at 14/15 and the former at around... 15 or 16, I think.
Also, I'm worried to come out to my mom cos I'm worried that while she may accept me, she may just say I'm going through a phase. I really don't wanna tell my dad cos I'm not sure if he will accept me. He's the type of person who would rather have a heterosexual man than anything different from that spectrum.
I don't know what else to say...

 

Oh I'm also thinking about my gender role.
I've been told by an LGBT expert that I'm just gender non-conforming, and maybe I am, but I also think I'm bigender cos I talk masculine around guys and feminine around girls.
So idk... Maybe I just shouldn't use labels right now?

 

I think trying to explain to a 3 year old that you would like a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend is hard work! Especially when she watches far too much Disney and comes back at you with rather a large amount of evidence that girls only have boyfriends!

It was hilarious and heartbreaking in equal measure.

 

Charlotte Rae died yesterday. I keep playing that scene where she dances on the table with Treat Williams in the movie version of Hair over and over in my head. Somehow the fact that she's gone makes me unaccountably sad. Who knew I would miss Mrs. G?

 

I just aways say we're related/family because the specifics take too long to figure out. Either that or I just refer to everyone as a cousin.

 

I wish it would cool down already.

 

I complain about not having anyone to hang out with but then when someone wants to I tell them I can’t. It’s like I’m either clingy or antisocial.

 

I. HATE. RIDING. WITH MY SISTER. WHEN THE FOG IS SO THICK. THAT YOU CAN'T SEE MORE THAN FIVE FEET IN FRONT OF THE CAR.

She drives like an idiot when it's not foggy out. She'll accidentally drive over the speed limit, get distracted with the radio and start crossing the yellow line, or nearly blow past half the roads she's supposed to turn onto and have to slam on the brakes. But when it's foggy? She blew a stop sign last Friday when it was this foggy out, because she wasn't looking for it. I had to tell her when the next one came up. And she forgot to turn her lights on until we were about two miles into the shit.

I swear she's going to get me killed. She's already got us in one car wreck because she's not careful. I fucking hate this. I wish I had my own damn license so I could drive.

 

Gay, having a disability and being almost 28 years old my mother still does not accept me as a adult who can make his own decisions. No words for it anymore.

 

I really want to try marijuana, I wish it wouldn't effect chances of finding a job.

 

For the first time in my life, I felt so "futureless". Like I have no clue on how I am gonna be in the future. Unlike before, I always have plans. I would encounter unexpected events that aren't part of the plan but I always find ways to still find my way back to the plan, and if I can't I still have backup plans. Now, I've got nothing. I feel like in Pokémon game where you're in a cave and you can only see a very small area around you. It scares me. I've got no goals anymore other than have energy to wake up another day. It scares me that I might me nobody in the future. It scares me to think that this might be permanent. It scares me that I am slowly losing myself or who I used to be. I want to genuinely smile again but I dont know how. Im scared because if this went on longer, I have a back up plan that surely would be permanent and might hurt people I love.