Why is it so hard to find girls who like bisexual men?

Men who are attracted to other men, especially gay men in particular don't fit into the traditional label of masculinity. They can work out, not be flamboyant and look like straight jocks but liking other men just makes them less manly. Simply because one of the most important tenets of toxic masculinity is the desire to seek out women. Even mostly straight bi men like you would probably be a turn off to some women from the moment you confess to your gay fantasies. Heteronormativity is the result of a bunch of other stuff that women too are guilty off. It's no use blaming men and calling them sexists and misogynists when these women are harbouring the same notions, just less conspicuously. So that's one reason; what these girls are conditioned to believe ideal men should be like.

Then there's another phenomenon where women and men fetishise same sex relations of the opposite sex. Some of my most homophobic male acquaintances are turned on by lesbian sex and many of my female friends follow gay couples on YouTube and drool over how cute they look. Some even watch gay porn. But these people won't necessarily actually respect same sex couples, let alone accept a bisexual partner for themselves.

And there's another one which is probably a rumour. That bisexual men would probably be less trustworthy because they can find twice as many partners to cheat with.

I imagine it should be easier for men like you because you're simple interested in other men and not wiling to act on your fantasies. But bisexual men who have been romantically and sexually active with other men have it harder because it makes them 'gayer' and even less appealing to these women. Digging even deeper, depending on your role during gay sex, they might be more or less interested in you. Sexually active men who bottom probably have the hardest time finding girls because well, bottom shaming.

Notice I've been saying 'these women' because I'm sure there are plenty that won't think lesser of you simply because you occasionally fantasise about men, provided you can indulge them romantically and sexually as any straight man would. I've even heard of women who are more attracted to bisexual men, especially in the context of threesomes.

 

@CuriousLad We were all born in a heteronormative society and we are all victims of it at one point in time in one way or another. Only most people don't realize they live in a heteronormative society. You can't blame anyone when they are a victim themselves.

@Mrniceguy Definitely the heteronormative society. Most straight girls don't realize how heavily they are influenced by it so they have all those expectations of how a man should behave and what their relationship with a man should look like. Instead of keeping an open mind and trying to figure out what they want and what they are looking for in a relationship. Don't underestimate the power of heteronormativity.

Anyway there are girls out there we won't mind that you are bisexual. I don't care if the man I'm in a relationship with is straight or bisexual, as long as he's into me.

 

@Lexa I agree and I didn't want to sound like I was blaming them. I just felt that Heteronormativity might be influenced and further cemented by things like sexism and gender roles. I must speak from personal experience where several of my female friends feel free to talk about occasional same-sex attractions but the guys don't. So I have reason to believe that gender roles in my patriarchal society are ironically stricter on the men than on the women. It's almost as if we don't mind women playing around because we trivialise lesbian unions or view them as less threatening than gay ones. That's probably why in my circle, the men are more open to hypothetically dating bisexual women than women are to dating bisexual men.

 

I am bisexual girl currently dating a bisexual guy and have 0 issues with his bisexuality. In fact, I kinda prefer it as it means he's not 100% pure privilege lol. And truly, it means he can respect my bisexuality. But it's really never bothered me maybe I'm biased since I'm personally bi but he's dated other people (guys and girls) so. That's just my experience. Not to say you won't run into girls it bothers. But then their prejudice and you really don't want to date them anyways

 

Hey

I often ask myself that if I had been completely upfront with my wife when I met her that she would have been OK with marrying me. Now, she doesn't mind my bisexuality because we have a relationship built on each other not a definition of sexuality defined by someone else. I don't know how you would start out a relationship with full disclosure as it might scare off potential opposite sex partners. I do know that not being honest, as I was, didn't work ultimately either.

The important thing is to be honest with yourself when you are dating. Can you be satisfied with one partner of the opposite sex for the rest of your life? Or, do you need to find someone who will accept that you will need to have some same sex intimacy. It is so individual. I was OK with giving up the idea of same sex intimacy for several decades because things were so good with my wife. It can work and is definitely worth trying.

 

I actually disagree with Nickw. I've read and heard to many stories of bisexual men who didn't mention at a beginning of a relationship with an opposite sex partner that they were bisexual because they thought they would be satisfied with that partner being head over heels in love at that point in time but in the end they are not... I think you should always mention your bisexuality because hiding your sexual orientation can work out but it can also turn out to be a complete disaster.

I also think that your sexual orientation is a part of your identity. I personally want to be loved for who I am as a person, not as a non-existing straight version of me. It takes a lot of effort to be pretending someone you're not.

I don't think you should bring your bisexuality up during a first date though. Let her know you a bit better as a person, find out what her viewpoint on bisexuality is, think about how you want to bring your bisexuality up... But I would definitely tell her. If she's not ok with it if you carefully bring it up and after you have given her some time to think about it, then I think you're better off with someone else who can appreciate you for who you are.

Of course, this is my opinion, you can of course do whatever you like, I just wanted to share my opinion.

 

No idea. I love bi men. My dream guy would be a bi man. Some girls are just insecure and have some internalized homophobia going on. Ignore the haters. Come find girls like me.

 

Lexa

I'm not advocating not being honest and upfront at all. I'm only mentioning that I am not sure my wife would have married me way back then had I been more upfront about my sexuality.

I had to disclose it, finally, after 30 years together and I would not wish it on anybody to go through what
I did.

I'm only bringing up how difficult it is for bisexuals to find a life partner.

Sorry for any misunderstanding.

 

I indeed misunderstood your post , thank you for your clarification .

 

I am inclined to think it has more to do with the women's insecurities with themselves that would make them not want relationships with Bi guys. While I am not the world's best boyfriend to either sex, it was pretty much the other person's insecurities that lead to relationship problems.

However I am sure there are girls who are cool with the whole bi sex thing. Perverts aren't limited to just males.

 

As a bisexual woman, I've also dated a bisexual guy and had no issue. Personally, I believe that the issue of sexual satisfaction with your partner is regards to the necessity of same-sex sexual relations has more to do with where on the monogamous - polyamorous spectrum you fall. I believe it may come from insecurities surrounding men. In my personal experience-- besides the aforementioned ex-- men I date will sort of treat me as though I'm gay, but they're my exception. It's as though I don't find other males attractive, just women, which they also like, and that's unfair. Another thing to think about is this: how would you feel about dating a bisexual woman? What would be your potential concerns? Would you feel insecure that you couldn't provide for her what another woman could? How would your sex life change based on the answers to these questions?

Personally, I'm generally pretty chill about everything, so I'd be fine, but if you fall more towards monogamous on that scale, it's easy to see why you would be worried that you couldn't provide everything to your partner, especially in areas of intimacy.