I’m lesbian, my friend is definitely bisexual but she’s freaking out and I don’t know what to do

I’m a lesbian, as I’ve mentioned. Three months ago a friend asked me if we could have casual sex, I talked it over with her first as she’s never had a lesbian experience before. I made sure that she knew if either of us for any reason want to stop, we should say so and not risk losing the friendship.

I then proceded to kiss her and asked her how it was, she responded by kissing me again and then proceded to dry hump me as I said we were not going to do more at the time. When she first brought the whole thing up, she said she wants to eat me out, she said after spending the day with me she was so turned on she had to take care of herself when she got home, thinking about me all the time.

Since then we slept together once, i put the focus on her and got her to the finish line twice upon which she was exhausted. She said it was very intense she feels like I can really see her.

This girl dated a guy for 3 years, the relationship ended when he comitted suicide a year and a half ago. Three weeks after sleeping together, I called a stop to it. She was icing me out, she said, if people notice we’ve been together, does that make it real? What about how she felt about her boyfriend? She still grieves for him and blames herself. The last two weeks we’ve been talking a lot, strictly as friends from my side. We’ve seen each other 4 times in the last week.. everytime she flirts with me and last night when we were in the club and i was dancing against a guy she pulled me away from him and proceded to make out with me. Later in the night a guy laughed at us as we were making out, she got exceptionally agressive, I had to physically restrain her as she called him a homophobe. I kept telling her that it was okay, I don’t care.

She’s been using me as an excuse to keep guys at a distance too, having her “friend” there gives her reason to say no to the guys. I’m convinced that she is bisexual, but she is terrified of the fact. She’s scared that it will somehow invalidate her previous relationship and she is terrified of other people knowing. Before we went to the club she said that her roommate had asked if she was lesbian now cause someone had seen us making out all those weeks ago, she said she told the roommate that she tried it but it’s not for her. And then procedes to dryhump me on the dancefloor and makeout with me all night.

I told her that the next time I see her we need to talk. I don’t want to lose my friend, I’ve been very understanding up until now. I think if I could show her raw sex without checking if she’s comfortable etc as the first time she would feel differently. But the struggle she is having is baffling me, when I realised I was gay I struggled but it was not this bad. I think she feels for me but doesn’t want to. How do I help her? What do I do?

 

I can be just her friend, but then the kissing etc needs to fall away. I honestly do want to be more, and I’d be prepared to wait. I’ve spoken with her and she can’t admit what she feels when she’s sober, she denies it, so I can’t tell her that I would wait. She’s pulled away since I spoke to her.. it feels like I’m going through a breakup and I hate it. Honestly.. she’s such an amazing person. I just wish I could be more, do more, give more. What she needs.. I don’t know

 

I did do just that when we talked last night. I told her that she should talk to a friend, I mentioned her best friend and she said they don’t really talk, she says I’m her only friend. I also encouraged her to resume her sessions with her therapist and then also said that I’m here if she needs to talk about anything. She’s been screening my messages since then. What have I done?

 

I feel like I’m breaking right now. It’s like a heartbreak. What. Have. I. Done.