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Somebody helppppp

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Carrien, Aug 1, 2018.

  1. Carrien

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    Basically I thought I was a straight 23 year old female. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and literally love him and we live together. I had a dream that I was getting eaten out by a girl and woke up freaking out. I don’t know if I enjoyed it in the dream but it freaked me right out. I love having straight sex so the thought of that made me feel sick. The girl in the dream just came out as being a lesbian (I work with her and only spoke to her a handful of times). I thought she was pretty but never thought of her in a sexual way. Ever since I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I’ve never ever doubted my sexuality until that dream. It’s been about 1.5 months mow and it freaks me out. My brain tells me you’re gay, then I’m like no I’m not. but I really don’t think I am. The thought of hooking up with a girl Just doesn’t feel “right”. I kissed two of my girlfriends this weekend to test if I felt sparks but nothing. I still love sex with my boyfriend but I just like can’t get rid of this thought that I might be gay even though I really don’t think I am. I am worried I am in denial tho.
    I can’t see myself with a woman in the future. I can’t see myself starting a family with a woman. I’m not a homophobe (please don’t think that) it’s just “not right” to me. But I can’t shake this “am I gay” thought that I am constantly having. I’ve always thought lots of girls are pretty so I’m constantly like over thinking past experiences. Like was I ever gay? It’s so distressing I don’t know what to do. I see a counsellor but I feel like he doesn’t get it.
    I also like find I think a lot of girls are pretty but I never think wow I wish she were mine. Whereas with guys I am. I was always like super into boys when I was younger, however I did find myself wanting to be friends with the pretty girls. I never had crushes on any of my girlfriends just boys.i just worry I’m in denial or something.
    I also find myself doing online quizzes and searching up “am I gay”. I also like find myself trying to watch lesbian porn just to see if I get aroused. Which I barely do. It just makes me want to turn on straight porn. And it’s not that I’d have a problem with being gay. I just really don’t think I am and it’s causing me so much grief and anxiety. I also like as a kid had crushes on many boys. Someone please help me
     
  2. Biguyjosh

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    Having a dream doesn't make you gay. If you're not attracted to girls, don't fantasize about them, don't masturbate to them, etc then I seriously doubt you're gay or even bi.
    Thinking a girl is attractive doesn't make you gay either. I wouldn't worry about it or think any more about it unless you start getting sexually attracted to girls.
     
  3. Carrien

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    I feel like I’m just physically attracted to their faces lol if that makes sense. I just think a lot of girls are pretty. I don’t even check out their figures or anything ...
     
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  4. Naters2000

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    That's totally okay. Checking out someone's face isn't really sexual. Beauty doesn't really have a gender. I can look at a girl and think she's pretty, and that doesn't make me any less gay. Unless you feel physically attracted to someone of the same sex, you're not gay.
     
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  5. Carrien

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    Thanks for your reply! I guess I just feel like there’s a possibility I could be into girls since I now freak out every time I see one ?? And because I think about it a lot. I don’t know tho cause I can’t see myself with a girl in the future
     
  6. Naters2000

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    That's totally okay! I think because you're obsessively questioning this, you're bound to freak out every time you see a girl. But, if you can't see yourself with one in the future, there is very little ground to say that you are gay. You don't need to worry about that. It's totally normal.

    One time I had a dream where a nude girl was lusting after me (it was very odd), but since I'm not into girls, I knew that it meant nothing. This sounds like the premise of your dream too.
     
  7. Carrien

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    But any other thing is my mind will say things like “you’re a lesbian” and I still don’t feel like I am .. did you ever have that? Sorry I have never second guessed my sexuality ever. It’s just really scary. And I got butterflies every time I kissed my boyfriend and now with all this stress it feels like there’s nothing :frowning2:
     
  8. Carrien

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    How did you know you were gay? I’m just like super scared that I’m in denial because now I’m starting to feel distant from my boyfriend and it’s freaking me right out.
     
  9. Naters2000

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    Oh yeah! I definitely had that. I kept doubting myself being gay, especially after I came out. It's just obsessive nature and thoughts. You're bound to question yourself after anything. You just need to have confidence in yourself.

    And I knew I was gay because I just wasn't attracted to girls at all. The thought of being with one made me uncomfortable and kind of scared lol. And I understand why you're feeling distant from your boyfriend, but you shouldn't. As long as you still feel attracted to him, there's nothing to wonder or worry about. It sounds to me like the thought of being lesbian is not quite something you fear, but something you're not comfortable with. Obviously you're going to obsess over this despite it not being true. It sounds to me like you're completely and utterly straight.
     
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  10. Carrien

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    Yeah I’m definitely uncomfortable with the thought of being a lesbian. That being said I’m worried I’m in denial just because it’s been going on so long. It’s just not right for me to be with a girl ya know? This may be tmi but I love just making out with a guy and feeling his boner on you ya know? Haha like that can’t be faked ! It’s just so hard because I don’t know much about LGBTQ so I feel slightly ignorant and then confused lol. Thanks for your input .. it means a lot
     
  11. Carrien

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    You know how they say gay people know they’re gay? How do they know. I’m like driving myself crazy.
     
  12. Biguyjosh

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    I think you're over thinking this and obsessing about nothing. There's nothing you've shared that would make me think you're gay. The dream freaked you out and that's causing your obsession.
    If this is really bothering you and you can't stop thinking about it then it might be best to seek a counselor specializing in dreams or sexual identity to help you resolve this.
     
  13. Carrien

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    I totally agree with you. I’m obsessing over it cause I think about it all hours I’m awake. Now I go on Facebook or something and i get freaked out cause I’m judging all girls and stuff which I never used to do. I Am seeing a counsellor, but maybe I should look into a specific one. Thanks
     
  14. Naters2000

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    You kind of know when you get a crush on someone of the same sex, well for me anyways.
     
  15. Carrien

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    Ah okay! I feel like I’ve never had that. I’m just questioning myself and am anxious at the thought if I am into girls I’ll lose my boyfriend
     
  16. Naters2000

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    As long as you still are into him, you don't have anything to worry about. And the fact that you've never really had a crush on a girl provides further evidence that you're straight.