I came out to my friends as bisexual first about three years ago. They were the ones I trusted the most. Then, when I was comfortable, I came out to my mother and brothers as bisexual. My mother told me that I couldn't be bisexual or lesbian because I've never dated or kissed a girl. But I have been attracted to girls since I was younger, even though I never knew that it was okay to feel like that because of my religion. But the second I come out to my mother and brothers, they hate on me for it and tell me that I'm sinning and tell me that I can't possibly like girls because I've never dated one. Is that true? I can't be bisexual because I've never dated a girl before?
Absolutely not! What determines your sexuality is who you're attracted to - that's it. And it seems like you're pretty clear about that, so don't let them take that away from you. You don't need to date, kiss, or even have sex to know what you feel. These are simply further steps you could take if you so wished. By their logic, how do straight people know they're straight? has your mother dated a girl to confirm she doesn't like them? have your brothers kissed guys? If they haven't, how can they know they aren't actually bi or gay themselves? If straight people can be sure they're straight without doing things, then why should we have to prove we're not straight by dating people of our own gender?
Thank you. Whenever I tried to use that kind of logic with them, they went back at me with that they were born straight so they don't have to "figure out" that they like the opposite sex because they already knew it because God made them that way. And whenever I try to bring it up or talk about a girl I found attractive, I get a disgusted face and they walk away from me. I just feel like I'm not who they want me to be, considering my mother wants me to give her grandchildren when I'm a bit older and I don't know if I'll end up with a man or a woman.
Hey I totally agree you don't need have to have been with anyone to know that you like the same sex. I'm sorry your family react that way. Maybe you can try and get some information for them from the pflag website to try and help them understand. I'm sure in time they will come around. I know it's tough but try not to worry about being who they want to be, in order to be happy you need to be who you are.
Of course you can be bi! I haven't dated anyone of either gender and I'm bi. If you were only going off my dating history, (or lack of), I would be asexual. But I'm most certainly not as anyone who has met me will tell you. So yeah, who you've dated has nothing to do with your identify or preferences at all. You're perfectly normal.
Of course you can! Are you not straight until you date someone of the opposite sex? Or gay until you date someone of the same sex?
Sorry to hear your family responds that way... it can be incredibly hard to argue with flawed logic like that, people are often so convinced by it that it's difficult to convince them otherwise. Time can prove helpful, sometimes it's just a matter of getting used to (however long that takes). I don't know much about religion myself, but there are quite a few resources out there about different kinds of religion and homosexuality, maybe some of those could be helpful? Not necessarily for you, or to convince them in one go, but maybe just something to help them get used to it. Or if you're like me and prefer using television as a form of exposure therapy, consider casually getting them to watch the Netflix shows One Day at a Time (the first season features a lesbian coming out storyline and the live-in grandmother is religious so she has to deal with her ideas about christianity and homosexuality, but becomes very accepting), and the first episode of the second season of Queer Eye (a makeover show, so you don't need to watch the episodes in order) is all about a mother whose son is gay and felt rejected by the church, and it has some really wonderful insights about acceptance. Just some things to look into The thing is... sometimes our parents have expectations of us that we can't or don't want to live up to. Some are silly ideas ('i want a child that will do karaoke with me!'), some are just societal standards, like having kids. But having kids is not something you owe your mother, even if she feels that way. Becoming a grandmother is a privilege; not a right. My mother really wants me to have kids, but since i was ten or so i've said i didn't want them and i still don't - there's nothing she can do about that. You can't always live your life to please your parents (which might actually be for the best). That said, being in a same sex relationship doesn't mean you can't have children: if you want children, you could tell her that. Adoption, IVF, there's all sorts of options. If you don't want any - you've got brothers she can go bug about grandkids
A Straight Person doesn't have to date or have sex with the Opposite Sex to know they're Straight, A Gay Person doesn't have to date or have sex with the Same Sex to know they're Gay. A Bisexual Doesn't have to date or have sex with Either Gender to know they're Bi. I've never had sex with a Woman, But I'm Attracted To Women & I've never dated a Man, But I'm Attracted To Men. I Strongly Believe GOD & Past Experiences Make Us Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Asexual, etc. MOST Christians get the Bible wrong (I was one of those Christians) what Most christian do not know is the words used against LGBT People have nothing to do with being Gay or Bi those aea actually Mistranslations & Sodom was not Destroyed over Homosexuality, Sodom was Destroyed Because they didn't Help the Poor, & The Men of Sodom Wanted to Rape The Angels. The Bible is Misunderstood, The Bible has A Lot Of Contradictions, & The Bible Also has a Lot of Mistranslations In It. This is coming from a Christian that Studied & Researched The Bible.
I read this quite a lot on EC (and hear it in RL, straight, gay, bi, rainbow) and it really steams me. Is that really the reason people have kids: so the kids can "give them" grandchildren? That is the most selfish attitude. Unfortunately it's also a bad sign, because people acting selfishly are very immune to discussion. To be clear, I totally agree with above posters, who all said what I was thinking and would have said if they had not. FireBird98, you are totally normal, and society just has not caught up with that. In fact, "society" used to acknowledge this -- there is plenty of anthropological evidence of tolerance for alternative romantic/sexual ways to be.
We are all constantly experiencing this world and growing in and from our experiences. No one other than ourselves can dictate how we can identify. Even if how we identify changes, it is our life to live and if it is empowering to identify a certain way, then don't let anyone tell you you aren't or can't be that way.
Hell no. You can be bi it you feel even the slightest attraction towards a girl. Dating isn't the test for bisexuality, it's not a test for anything really, just dumb luck. I've only ever dated a girl and never a man. But that won't explain my immoral thoughts while staring at a guy's crotch and arse. Being a thirsty bi man, will.
Can relate. When I came out to my mom, she questioned if I was Bi because I never dated a girl (or anyone for that matter). Best Wishes for you As all the others said, you can be bisexual even if you've never dated a girl.
