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Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jarak, Jul 26, 2018.

  1. Jarak

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    Have you ever felt the weight of the world? That’s how this feels.

    A little bit of a story time.

    I’m a 35 year old man, with a 3 year old daughter and a beautiful wife, whom I love so much.

    Problem: I feel trapped.

    When I was in high school and college, I dated 1 man, 2 transgendered women, and a handful of women. From a physical standpoint i enjoyed being with the transgendered women and the man the most, it was the most physically invigorating time of my life and there are days that I would (not literally) kill to experience again. The negatives from that time in my life was that the man and transgender women I dated were very, very wild. Consisting of Crazy fights, bad attitudes, drugs, and constant alcohol consumption, but again the physical part of those relationships out weighed the negative. Oddly enough I felt the most comfortable with the transgendered women. Almost like I could be myself without being judged, we could experience things i never had before, we could go places and not care what people thought, we had amazing sex, and a truthful relationship.

    Fast forward 6 years, I’m married to a beautiful girl I met after I graduated, we have a beautiful daughter and I couldn’t make it with out them by my side. But here we are, im constantly missing The adventures, the sex, and part of the craziness. My wife is very closed minded, if she knew any of this, it’s a good chance she would leave and there is no way I could make it without her and my daughter.

    I know this isn’t necessarily asking for advice, it’s more getting the feelings off of my chest. But sometimes I wish I could just go back and relive.
    Keep in mind I would never cheat on my wife or wrong her or my child in anyway. I’m just trying to be strong for my family.


    Thanks for listing.

    -J
     
  2. SevnButton

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    @Jarak , I hear you! That feeling of being trapped is not good , even when things inside the trap are pretty good.
     
  3. Jarak

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    Exactly!
     
  4. quebec

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    Jarak.....I have seen so many posts that speak about being trapped. I've made several of them myself. I have found that time can make a big difference in that feeling. Of course not just time alone, but in conjunction with efforts or our part to find a way out. It may seem that there is no way out but I found with the help of the wonderful people here on empty closets and a really good therapist, the "trap" changed over time. Everyone's "trap" is different and the way it changes is also different. I found a way out of mine and I think that you will too. You've already taken the first steps by recognizing the situation and also by posting here on EC. One small step at a time...it can happen!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    Shell87 likes this.
  5. Ngale

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    I can so relate. I am married to a great guy and we have a daughter of two and a half years old. I love our family and everything seems to the outside ok but I feel trapped. I don't have any experience with other women, but still I feel like I should be with a woman, not a man. But at the moment I am not ready to brake our family. How can I know this feeling isn't just an exciting fantasy? What if I chase this feeling and brake our family and realize soon that it was a huge mistake. How on earth I can really know, that same sex relationship is for me and I would be happier in that rather than in our marriage? And what if I divorce and just end up being alone? I mean I'm not good looking and sexy and all. So much thoughts, so much weight on those thoughts.
     
  6. Anjelyka

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    Being disabled and transgender and not being able to move forward with the changes that would make me very happy. Yes, I know what it is like to feel trapped.
     
  7. justaguyinsf

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    I think this is called the "seven-year itch." Pretty normal. Good on you for remaining faithful and acknowledging how much you derive from your marriage and being a dad!
     
  8. Jarak

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    It’s definitely tough. I’ve grown pretty close with my friend Alicia, who is mtf Transgendered, we are closer than two friends should be, but because of my family we cannot and will not explore those feelings. It’s tough because we’ve talked about what it would be like, and it sounds amazing On so many different levels, but we know we can’t.
     
  9. Jarak

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    A little bit of an update. A sad one. Kinda.

    My wife told me today that she wants a divorce, she’s not happy anymore and wants to move on. In a way it’s a blessing, in a way it’s a terrifying reality.