Hey, so I'm interested in dating this one friend I've known for a few years in college but honestly?? I really don't think that anything's gonna start. For starters, they are polyamorous and hates the whole social practice of dating, probably because it's too monogamous and they are romance-repulsed. I understand this and try not to push the matter further with them but it's just so heartbreaking. I don't know yet if I'm past the infatuation phase of attraction or not, but a year and a half ago, I confessed that I had loved them. They told me that they were romance-repulsed and felt bad that they couldn't respond the same way and wanted to stay friends with me. Well, they had said they felt a quasi-platonic attraction to me, which according to my understanding is somewhere in-between platonic and romantic feelings. Still, I'm not quite sure of the significance of a quasi-platonic relationship or even what that means fully, but I don't think it's the kind of relationship I want. Call me old-fashioned or whatnot, I'd like to be in an exclusive committed monogamous romantic relationship with my partner, and because of this, I really don't think I'll have that type of relationship with this friend. Plus, they're planning on moving straight on over to the other side of our country in a few years to "get away from their family" and to live with two other friends to "protect them" (but honestly, I'm more worried about this friend than the other two). So, in short, I got my heart broken slowly over the course of a year lol. I want to remain friends with them because I still like them, but I'm also trying to let go of this ill-conceived dream that I actually have a chance for a romantic relationship with them when they clearly told me numerous times that they're not interested in such. It's not easy, I tell you, and no matter what I do I still get so frustrated and start crying off and on for extended periods throughout the day. It's exhausting and I wish I wasn't so naive in 2k18 to actually believe I could be involved in one of those relationships (I mean my god, can u imagine). Lol and looking back on it, my intuition was, in fact, correct: when I realized that I started getting interested romantically in this friend, I can remember clearly saying to myself "don't get involved; don't get involved" like one of those cliche cartoon arguments between the heart and the brain. I'm struggling
As hard as it is, you need to let go of the idea of pursuing anything even remotely romantic, since they're romance-repulsed. They are also polyamorous, which spells disaster for a relationship when the other person is monogamous. All in all, you're setting yourself up for a tremendous amount of heartache if you try to pursue a relationship with this friend. Plus, they will be moving far away, which would make getting over them easier, since you no longer see each other in person. If you really value the friendship but want to move on from your feelings, maybe tell them that you need some space and time to sort through your feelings for them. If they're a good friend, they will understand this and give you some space. Good luck, it sounds seriously complicated. Hope you figure things out soon, and get over them without resorting to drastic measures. Hugs
I think you're absolutely right. I can see that clinging onto this thread of hope any longer is really gonna drive a knife into my heart some more, so...I'm trying to let it go. It's not easy, especially since I felt like I clicked with them so much, but I think in the end it's better. Thanks for the support! I really appreciate that.
Maaaaaan do I know this feeling and it sucks. This tends to happen to me very often with Trans men and aces. I have never really crush on a romance repulsed person before. I hope you heal quickly. Man do I know this feeling and I don't know what to say other than do a lot of self-care, blog if you like to do that, paint if you like to do that, just focus on any hobby and focus on empowering yourself and loving yourself until a person that loves you back enters your life. That's all I'm doing along with working and going to college tbh. Cosplaying, making art, and self care save me from a lot of depressive episodes because of things like this.
