So I met this guy once like 6 months ago. I went to his, we spoke a lot and eventually got under the covers for some lighthearted fun (BJ). That was the last time I saw him until just about half hour ago... I said to him on ###### im going out for a walk and he is welcome to come... i was super nervous, to be honest, i dont really like him that much so I just didn't know what to say. He is much older, he drinks - i smoke. we have nothing in common. But i just felt so lonely I wanted to do something fun, i actually felt a little "excited" when i was messaging him, but once i left the house i started to feel less and less like i was having fun and even considered turning around and going home - boy, i wish i did... So after some small talk, i asked him what interesting thing he wanted to tell me on ######. and so he proceeded to tell me how the othr night - he met my brother in a car parking lot. aparently my brother knocked on his car window in a random request for sex... though I know my brother uses ###### so i am pretty sure this guy pursposely met with my brother. He told me how much fun he had and did I know my brother likes guys... Yes i know, he is super-bi. He absolutely loves women but talks about willys fairly often. He's even told me he will probably be a swinger when he's older. I heard about all the details... i'm sorry but I Have to use the words... the sucking, the pulling of my brothers ponytail. Oh - the confidence. I get it. my brother was super confident and easy going where as I simply stand here with nothing to say and no intention of "getting it on". I do not want to have sex with you - fuck off. The guy is a creep. I never enjoyed it the first time but he was the first guy i had met in years and I had to talk with someone. It was in a time when I worked alone in an office and had little company at work or at home - now though I work with a big group of people who I talk with often and might even sometimes be able to call friends. I think i realised it at that moment, standing there in the dark with a creep talking about my brothers cock, that I do have friends who i can talk to. I need to open up to friends at work and say what I really feel even though that scares the hell out of me. I just don't really know what to do now. This night has really put me off ###### and I don't think I'm gonna use that anymore. I want to meet someone in real life. I really want to speak with the girls openly about how I feel. To be able to say that I wish i had someone. I wish I had someone that was healthy, active, go gym together, swim. At work today a guy come in who has just finished a university course and wants to travel to his homecountry one to teach. I won't go into too many details about him but I remember where his parents live, where he comes from, what he studied. I only got to manage a few words with him, but he is hot asf. honestly... then later I heard him talking to a girl saying "oh you must come over" and he looked like he had that "excitement" look on his face... ugh... i just wanna be able to look at the girls if we see a hot guy and be like "hey hey". or if i see someone i really like, i can say how i feel to one of the girls.... I just think if i speak about it, it will go a long way! Also, i feel bad because i think one of the girls have liked me for a while and because i havn't been honest - she might think i like her back or something... i just cant bring myself to open up... Thanks for reading lol
