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Please help

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Secrets5, Jul 19, 2018.

  1. Secrets5

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    So abusive people with mental illNess keep saying I should love them and they are not bad but ill and I should stay and support them and that I am the bad person for trying to leave and that it isn't them but the mental illness itself is about putting the blame on others so what am I supposed to believe. I just need to get out if if if I am in abusive relationship. I have a fear so much fear shaking right now of being trapped with an abusive partner esp. With a mental illness as they have an ""excuse"" (even if it's not doesn't stop them frpm using it to gain sympathy). I am not in one now but I am shaking so much. How do I leave if if if I am in abusive relationshup ""with a mental illness"" I won't refer to the person because if the abuse is from the mi and not the person and if their behavI our is the mi so not evilise the person so I will phrase like this.

    I am so scared people tell me a horrible person or will tell me but I want to be safe.

    I can't know the future but I can know what to do.

    I just don't want to date someone with mi which seems critical self since I do too but that's why I'm never dating.

    So why am I worrying.

    I just want to leave and I would like to stop being made to give sympathy to the person with mi if when they're being the abyusive one.

    Even if it's the mi and pain for you to live with it it is still hurting the people around you when you abuse.

    I want to be safe.

    And I want sleep. It's nearly 11pm I'm going to bed please reply I mean dont feel forced but I want to sleep and I want to keep safe.
     
  2. Chip

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    You need to take care of you. You are not obligated to stay with anyone, even family, who is abusive or harmful to you or your well-being. You are not a bad person for staying with someone who is abusive to you, and if that person is using their mental health status as an excuse to treat you abusively, that's manipulative and also not helpful.

    As far as dating, same thing applies: You deserve someone healthy. You don't have to settle for someone who is abusive or disrespectful.
     
  3. YeahpIdk

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    Will echo Chip here.

    Some people use mental illness as an excuse for bad behavior. And sure, some people do act certain ways because of their mental illness. However, if they are aware enough to know they're acting a certain way (and even if they're not completely aware), especially because of their mental illness, then it is their responsibility to stop that behavior. Not yours.

    You have to keep yourself safe. A lot of people have a mental illness, but most of them are not abusive.
    The two are not mutually exclusive.

    Feel better.
     
  4. LoveisLov

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    If they are abusive because of their mental illness but they are not doing anything about to help themselfs and you. Then yes you have the right to leave. You also need to think about your health and safety. Dont feel bad.
     
  5. smurf

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    Like everyone else said, just because you have a mental illness doesn't give you permission to be a horrible person.

    A couple of personal example:

    I suffer from social anxiety and it can get in the way of my relationships that I have with friends and my husband. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed I'm quick to anger and lash out in order to make people just stop talking to me so I can breathe. I can't cure it, but I can get better at knowing my triggers, coping with attacks, and letting other people know how to help me.

    So my husbands, knowing my problems, is more patient with me when I get an attack, BUT it is up to me to cope with the attack and then after I feel back in control I make it a priority to take care of the people around me. So if I yelled at him to please leave me alone then I will than thank him for doing as I needed it, but also apologize for yelling and reassure him of how much I love him and respect him as a person. I don't always yell and its way more rare now, but it sometimes happens. And it probably will continue to happen for the rest of my life, but my husband will never feel disrespected, taken for granted or abused because I refuse to let this thing destroy my relationship with people.

    We also came up with strategies to deal with other type of scenarios as needed. We came up with those strategies together as a team so it makes it much easier to deal with it to the point that for the last couple of years I have been able to successfully manage it to a degree that is not longer taking over my life.

    Another example is an amazing friend who suffers from ADHD. He sometimes has a hard time stopping himself from saying mean jokes. Its can come with the territory, but if he ever corsses the line too much one look and he will apologize. There are no excuses presented, there are no "oh don't be sensitive you know its the ADHD talking" none sense. He simply apologizes for making a dumb joke, reassures the person that he cares about them and then we all move on. Our jobs as friends is to give him the space to apologize and not hold grudges, but his job is to take care of our feelings and realize when he is hurting us.

    So yes its doable to help a person with a mental illness out with out being abused. Whatever friend told you that is not a friend