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Straight, or Bi??? Very confused....

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by FgrinItOut, Jul 19, 2018.

?

How would you describe my sexual orientation?

  1. Straight

    2 vote(s)
    28.6%
  2. Bi

    4 vote(s)
    57.1%
  3. Gay

    1 vote(s)
    14.3%
  1. FgrinItOut

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    Hello. I am a 25 year old male.

    Growing up, I never questioned that I was attracted to females. I have had several girlfriends, with which I had very fulfilling romantic and sexual relationships. I am very dominant in bed, and have experimented quite a bit with BDSM.

    However, I've also always been a litter more "gay" than my other straight friends. Whereas most straight guys seem to have a inherent revulsion to other men (at least sexually), I never found other guys to be gross. In fact, I found them attractive. I used to secretly enjoy showering with my teammates after sports, and would always be the first to do gay stuff -- grab ass, sac tap, kiss other guys when I was drunk etc -- as a "joke", of course. I never even considered that I was gay / bi -- I just thought that "everyone was a little bi," and all the other guys were just pretending to be grossed out because they were uncomfortable with themselves. However, it wasn't until college that I really realized that most guys were actually 100% straight, and that my fascination with guys, while not unique, was a little more uncommon than I thought. This was confusing to me, because it made me question if I was truly straight myself.

    After playing around with my fantasies / porn, I realized that I like the idea of being dominated by another man. Like I said earlier -- I am VERY dominant when I have sex with a woman, but there is something very sexually appealing about the idea of another man dominating me in that way. It's like "flipping the script." When I'm fantasizing, I want another man to make me feel like his little b*tch, just like how I do when I am having sex with women. The idea of "straight" guys getting dominated by other men became my #1 fantasy that I think about 90% of the time when I masturbate or watch pornography.

    The problem is, I don't like actually doing this stuff in real life. I downloaded (app name removed), and have had 5-6 experiences, all with super hot, dominating guys. They were all absolutely horrible. I couldn't get hard, I was honestly grossed out the entire time, and it hurt way too much. I even tried casually dating a gay guy, to see if getting to know the person before having sex would help, but if anything it made it worse.

    So what am I? Is it normal to have gay fantasies, but then not enjoy gay sex / gay relationships at all? I'm definitely not straight, but I'm definitely not really gay or bi either...? Very confused.
     
    #1 FgrinItOut, Jul 19, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2018
  2. Himo

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    Nobody can tell you "what" you are... (i know that sucks...). But i would guess (!) that you are NOT straight. Why?

    - You had 5-6 experiences with men. I guess a 100% straight man would stop after the first try, or not even try.

    - Your Nr. 1 Fantasy is including a man, dominating you. I don't think 100% straight people would do that.

    The domination thing is also in my fantasy. I wrote about it in my first thread on this forum. You can check it out here: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/30yo-and-still-confused.466888/

    I guess i am on my way to accept my situation... And the more i try to accept it, the more i think i could be gay. I red, that a lot of men (me too) have a problem in the beginning getting romantic with another man. Sex is ok, rough and tough - but kissing and stuff... no thanks. For me, kissing was always "gayER" than just sex. So fantasizing about being dominated or even being raped, wasn't really me being gay... At least i explained it this way without really knowing.

    I am curious where your story leads you and I hope you will find peace in your sexuality ;-).
     
  3. Nickw

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    FgrinItOut

    Hey. Welcome to EC.

    First off. I want to say that your approach to all this is great. You have an open mind and are willing, and unafraid to experiment. That puts you way ahead of me at your age.

    I'm a bisexual, middle-aged, man married to a woman.

    I can relate to a lot of what you describe. My sexual fantasies and the sort of sex that turns me on are different than yours, but there are some parallels. The thing that stuck out in your post is that you fantasize about sex with men, watch porn and it is stimulating. Yet, when you have been with men you did not find it satisfying.

    This is exactly what happened to me. I was married (still am) for 30 years and lived with these gay sexual fantasies that would almost become overwhelming. I, finally, came out to my wife a couple years back as bisexual. I had never been with a man although I knew I was not straight since I was a kid. It was super confusing since I liked girls....I just considered myself a pervert. My wife suggested I try some m2m experimenting. The first half dozen times I found I didn't like it. Not only that, I was repulsed by penises. I still am. I will fantasize about giving oral sex and find it very erotic and when I do it for real I just wish it was over. And, yet I like kissing guys, frottage, and intercourse. Both ways.

    I'm convinced that this must be something that is buried in my psyche. But, I don't know why. I even started a thread a bit ago asking if there is a difference in the way gay guys and bi guys feel about sex. All the gay guys I know just love everything about gay sex and I just don't.

    If you ask a dozen bisexuals to describe their sexuality you will get a dozen answers. You could be just bi curious. My therapist, who is gay, argued that I am not a bisexual. That I am bi-curious. Yet, I know I feel strongly attracted to men...just not their privates. But, you sound bisexual to me. It could be that you are pretty much at the low end of the spectrum. That you are attracted to men; but, engaging in actual sex with men is not that satisfying. That's OK.

    I once commented to a friend that I was straight but my dick is gay. That's how it feels sometimes. I have learned, however, that when I am with the right man, and comfortable, and he is my type (I am very specific in my type), I set aside my problem with penises and have learned I can really enjoy intimacy with another man. It just took me some failures to find my zone. Maybe you are like me and, even though these guys were hot, the chemistry just wasn't there.

    You are remaining open to the possibilities and even checked out dating guys. Good for you. I wish everyone did that. Don't be in a hurry to define yourself. Enjoy the journey.
     
    #3 Nickw, Jul 19, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2018
  4. Love4Ever

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    You sound bi but lean straight. I'm like this. You're not alone.