Met someone with HIV+ status...

Talking about it is key. It's amazing that he was confortable sharing his HIV status so early which means he is probably comfortable talking about it.

You need to know which treatment he takes and how high his viral load currently is. Proper medication in par with proper protection help to drastically reduce the risk of spreading the disease to almost 0% (if his viral load is undetectable).

AIDS is also not the life sentence it used to be in the 80's. if you were to contract it your life span wouldn't necessarily be reduced nor your quality of life impaired.

That being said. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM WHILE YOU ARE MARRIED.

Cheating is already highly morally questionnable but cheating with someone who is HIV+ if you are still sexually active with your wife is completely unacceptable.
You have absolutely NO right to put somebody else's health at risk. It's fine for you to take that risk if you are single but totally not okay to potentially unwillingly pass it on to your wife which would pretty much be the equivalent of that guy having sex with you without telling you he is HIV+. Do NOT do it and do privilege leaving your wife above cheating.

A lot of people come on here willing to cheat to explore their sexuality and it really isn't the right way to go about it. If you are closeted it's fine but do take step to get out of your current marriage before engaging with other people. It does not matter that this guy has no problem with your married status. It matters that your wife isn't aware of your sexuality and of the fact that you are currently considering engaging with someone else. Surely she deserves better and a bit more consideration from you than potentially being given Aids so you don't have to come out?

 

Talk to him about it. You can be respectfully curious. You can tell him "Hey I like you and I want to mess around, but I would lie if I wasn't a little worried. Can we talk about it all?" Most people with HIV are okay talking about it with their potential partners, but be mindful that talking about and the stigma they have to deal with from people is a lot to handle. Try to look up articles written by HIV+ people about their sex lives and FAQ. That way he doesn't have to do all the work educating you about the basic stuff.

So here is the thing. One of the ways to practice safer sex is to assume everyone you sleep with is HIV+. What is hard for people to realize is that condoms are REALLY freaking good at stopping HIV is used properly. They are designed so you can have sex with an HIV+ person and not contract it.

Also, there is now a lot of scientific evidence that if you are undetectable (if a person has HIV+ but sticks to their medicine regularly, their viral load in their blood is so low that it becomes undetectable) then it is impossible to contract HIV. Which means that if you use condoms and your partner is undetectable then you are good to go. As always, use plenty or lube to prevent injury and the condom breaking. For extra caution he shouldn't cum in you.

Okay, lets step on the breaks a little.

You are implying that if someone hooks up there is a way for them to for sure know their partner is HIV negative which isn't true. There is no way to "cheat ethically" and cheating with a person that you presume HIV- doesn't make any better. If you are okay with cheating, but not okay if its with someone that is HIV+ then you are fooling yourself into thinking that one sexual act is safer than the other.

This is a bit of a tangent, but HIV is not the same as aids. No one can give someone aids. Aids happens when HIV is not being properly treated.

First of all, you are passing A LOT of judgement here with no compassion. Get of your high horse and just be thankful you were not caught in a similar scenario. You have no idea what you would do if you.

Second, based on his previous posts, he isn't cheating on his wife. His wife knows, has tried to give him "gay weekends" and he is aware of keeping her safe which is why he is here asking questions.

For you OP, if you want you to be super careful Prep is also an option for you if this is a concern of yours. Also, if you keep it to blowjobs and body rubbing then the risk of HIV transmission is almost nonexistent.

 

You should be worried--but pretty much only in the same way you should "worry" about any sexual contact. You should be assuming that everyone has it and acting accordingly. The fact of the matter is that the diagnosed person quite likely has an undetectable viral load, a fact in his favor that is almost certainly untrue of anyone you have sex with who has it and doesn't know.

 

This is NOT what I am implying at all. I am against cheating in all type of scenario, I do not think there is any excuse for it really. And if one is going to cheat I think the minimum one can do is not endanger someone's health without their knowledge.One of my friend lost the ability to have kids because a man cheated on her with someone who had an STD and while there is nothing shameful about STDS at all, it is incredibly selfish to take a risk without the other person being fully aware, my friend probably would still have her fertility if her boyfriend had been honest so she could have been tested ASAP and not when it was too late. If his wife knows about this specific man and his status and is 100% okay with it, then OF COURSE it's a non-issue. But considering the OP hasn't mentioned her in that post, it doesn't seem to me like she is aware. If she is not aware, she should be aware.

It's not about me being on my high-horse, I am not, I don't think this specific situation requires compassion though, he has asked a question, I have answered it but I have also taken the time to remind him that, since he is married, whatever he does won't just affect him and he should take that into account before he does anything and should definitely be communicating with everyone involved and make sure that everyone consent to this.

I have a family member who is HIV+ so it's not about seropositive people being "lesser than" or not "worthy of" it's about making sure that OP doesn't involve someone (his wife) in a situation she hasn't consented to. If everyone is happy and consenting then obviously it's not cheating and what I said is irrilevant...

 

Atreu, I noticed your location is Hamilton, Ontario. Downtown Hamilton has an amazing resource, The AIDS Network. I used to volunteer there. If you are worried about staying safe, I'd recommend giving them a call. They have a lot of information, are very informative, and the last time I was there, the hotline was free. They'd know the best way to keep the two of you (and anyone else) safe.

 

There is always, always room for compassion. Compassion doesn't mean the absence of truth or fact. It just means to keep in mind people's emotions to the words you are saying and how you are saying them.

For example, an response to this scenario that is factual and without compassion would be to point out that this is by in large a mistake by your friend. If only she would have followed the science-based advice to always get tested at least once a year if you are sexually active even in monogamous relationships then she would have caught the STD all by herself. I could even say its irresponsible that she seems unable to be able to take responsibility for her own inaction.

All of that is truth, but it doesn't take into accountability her pain from feeling betrayed or her pain from being infertile.

In this thread, you lashed out about the immorality of cheating without knowing this guys life, his situation or acknowledging his pain. Every closeted married man I know who has cheated has felt guilty for cheating, but many do it in order to not lose custody of their children, their finances and many their own lives. You not acknowledging that pain and your decision to intentionally leave compassion out of the equation I think is misguided. You can give sound advice, warn people and also answer with empathy

I don't want to further derail the thread so I will stop replying, but I did want to let you know where I was coming from.


Best of luck OP and definitely look into local resources for more information about how to have sex with someone that is HIV+

 

Preventative measures about having sex with someone who is HIV+ includes condoms and PrEP.

As far as I know, that’s about it.

You get HIV from the exchange of bodily fluids and/or blood, whether it be entered through an open sore or through unprotected sex.