Can lack of affection lead to a spike in bi/gay feelings?

I think you are right that many guys experiment with each other. My experimentation led to oral sex as well, not sure how common that is

 

I’m more attracted to women as well. In fact if I’m never with a man again, I’m fine with it. I’m just acknowledging what I’ve known most of my life, that part of me is attracted to other men

 

Maybe the physical attraction would grow if you accepted it. I realize now that I’ve found some attractive all of my life. Not as often as women but it’s still there. My attraction to women is just more intense. Maybe you are mentally blocking yourself from being attracted to men There is nothing wrong with being touched. That feeling being tied to an incident you found troubling could cause some mental blocks I would think

 

Danabutton

Do you have any close male friends? Do you touch? Hug? Pats on shoulders?

When I came out I got some counseling to try and understand why my same sex desires had become so strong when they had been a part of me my whole life...why so intense?

The therapist asked about my close male friends. I started describing my three best friends and just started weeping. One was sick, one was living abroad and one was my brother in law who was estranged from my wife.

I missed them so badly and didn't even realize it.

I now touch my friends and family. I'm not afraid of my emotions any longer since I came out. Some of us need platonic male touch. I do.

 

Sorry for being crude, but for the most part, what I’m most attracted to in men is between their legs

 

Danabutton

Do you, currently, have any close male friends? I find any touch with another person, man or woman, can cause all sorts of emotions. Sometimes it's sexual and sometimes it's much deeper.

That feeling of having another man really share his feelings through touch can be electrifying.

Biguy45... It's sorta funny, but I don't care what's between a guys legs. Penises do nothing for me. Now, sharing a deep intimacy with another person, man or woman, does. What parts get used to get there doesn't matter to me.

 

What can I say. In some cases I’m pretty shallow. Not particularly proud of it, but what the hell. Now that doesn’t mean I run around groping guys or staring at their crotch. It’s just what I find attractive

 

Hey

I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to the "parts". Not at all. I think I'm an anomoly. How I can find guys so sexually stimulating but so little attraction to penises is probably pretty odd!

 

@Danabutton
I am in a 11 yo relationship with a woman (I'm a 30yo man). In the last 2 years we had maybe 6 times sex. I always initiated it. She lost pleasure and i always (secretly) blamed her. I told myself, that there is something wrong with her. And i began to recognize, that gay men find me sometimes attractive. I recognized that it is easier to have sex with a man, than having sex with a woman. So I was looking for that “kick”... Then I told my GF and we are in therapy now.

I asked our therapist the same question: Can lack of affection lead to a spike in bi/gay feelings?
And she said: No.

As Biguy45 said, i believe also, that a lack of affection can lead you to your true feelings.

I don't blame secretly my GF anymore for me changing. Maybe we had not a lot of sex, because i couldn't give her what she was looking for...


Now 2 things are holding me still back:

• I love my girlfriend
  
  
• I can't imagine myself being romantic with a guy.
  

How can i change that?

• Seeing my GF more as a best friend and building a relationship out of our situation.
  
  
• Beating internalized homophobia with time and patience... Seeing actual gay people, going away from stereotypes...
  

So this is my situation and how i see it. Maybe it can help you a bit to understand yours... I wish you the best.

 

I'm bisexual and I can tell you out of experience that if you are bisexual and in a heterosexual relationship with a boyfriend that doesn't go too well and then coincidently you notice this woman you are clearly attracted to it can make you panic and think you're gay even though you're not (and even if you considered before that you were gay and concluded you were not). So I would say yes, a lack of affection can lead to a spike in bi/gay feelings. That's what happened to me. But I already was bisexual. It's not that I became bisexual because of the lack of affection.

It's one of the things I find hard being bisexual. Heterosexual people have a manual living their life, called heteronormativity. We don't and we have to find our own way. That's definitely an advantage in my opinion and interesting but it can also be very confusing. So I spend a few days thinking that I was probably gay (because I was at that point not attracted to men whatsoever, I was done with men, but I was clearly attracted to this woman) only to discover that my attraction to men came back a few days later (much to my own regret at that point in fact because I was still very angry at my BF!). Heterosexual women are probably done with men too at some point because of bad experiences, only they don't crush on women instead and don't think they are suddenly gay...

 

Ok. I was afraid I went a little too far and came off like a pervert. Probably because I’m not used to telling people that I like penises

 

Well said. When I first acknowledged my bisexuality it was so intense and all consuming that I was convinced I was gay. Over time it has subsided to the point that I now think I’m closer to straight than gay. It does ebb and flow though. Jason momoa with his shirt off still does it for me

 

N

not at all. We are all just trying to make our way in the world