I've never imagined I could be so depressed... I'm so sad life became worthless

You are not bothering.
Your situation is difficult and I am sure many of us have had similar problems. You’re are not alone.
Families are amazed ngnand also amazing problems
Stay with us. You are wonderful and have some difficulties.
Be brave. Life is beautiful.

 

You aren't annoying John. Your English is fine. You are not alone in your struggle. I can see you're in a really tough spot in your life right now. Anyone would be hurting in your same situation. I'm dealing with a lot too, I've been buried alive. I get it. Take it one day at a time. You don't need to leave your girlfriend or be with a guy right now. Just take care of yourself. Breathe. You don't have to have everything figured out right away either. Learn what you can do to help with the depression. There are simple things, like exercise and eating well, that can help how you feel. There is stuff you can do right now. Search online for "depression help guide" and you'll find a good site for anxiety and depression help.

Are there any free school or government counselors you can meet with? Even if they can't/won't help with LGBT issues, they could help with depression. Some private therapists will do free/pro-bono work too. You may want to call some LGBT therapists and tell them about your situation and see what they could offer. I was able the see my therapist at a discounted rate after she found out my financial situation. As difficult as it is to speak up, it really opens up some opportunities.

Are there any LGBT support groups where you live? If not, are there any social groups you can join just to be around people and make some new friends? As hard as it is, getting out and being around people will help with depression. If you can't get out in person, then hang out here. Chat about what's on your mind or relax and talk about stuff you liked.

You can learn to take care of yourself and to accept yourself. You can get to a point where you aren't being consumed by your feelings or depression. You can learn to handle this tough stuff. It takes small changes over time. What you're going through is hard, but you can do it.

 

hey mate. i can understand how you are feeling.
what do you mean by same sex desires surfaced during a meditation? before 23 years you never had an idea that you could be gay? did you have girlfriends and sex before? how are you feeling today?

 

Hey John C89

Welcome to EC and good for you for sharing. I agree with a lot of what CinBunny wrote. Especially, about stopping and breathing here. You are dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety.

No one can bunch all this together and expect to find any clarity. Try and take one step at a time here.

When I am anxious, I try and go to my special place. This could be meditation for you, a hike in your favorite place, for me it's my bike. I can get on and just watch that front wheel go round and round. Because it always does no matter how I feel...it is a constant when there can be chaos.

If you can get into any assisted counseling, I agree that's a really good idea. Just like you cannot get clarity when things in your life are crazy, you cannot get clarity when you are depressed.

For a bit here, set aside the thoughts of trying to figure out your sexuality and live in each moment.

Take care and know this group is here for you.

 

Hi John I was in your exact position I was in depression not eating wanting to do anything it just kept eating at me and bringing me down and today after 7 years of marriage I told my wife about my Bisexuality sorry for rambling about me my point is don't let it keep dragging you down and I know you have the courage to come out

 

Can I just say I'm sorry for what you're going through and I hope it gets better. I was pretty hopeless at first when I accepted myself, but I learned to be happy. It's not easy. It takes time and healing on a lot of levels. Depression and anxiety are a lot to deal with, but you have to find something to look forward too. For me that was my future life I invented in my head. As for you, you can find a dream, a hobby even just a simple competitive sport, can help you to have something to work towards. Take time to clear your head and then, figure out then rest. Everything will be okay, with time.

Sending you strength and hugs~

 

Hi John, I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. I'm 61 and have struggled with depression all my adult life but have reached a place where it is manageable. I want to say that your life is precious; when you're in a severe depressive state, your judgment is clouded and your hopes and expectations for being happy are tainted by the depressive thinking. It's hard to get out from under this but it is important to seek professional help. You can't sort out what your next steps should be and how to live your life until you feel more stable and have a clearer view of your self and what choices you have. I would agree with one of the respondents above who recommended seeking help out. You can't figure this out alone.

 

John, my God your writing touch me very deep. I cry when I read it and you like a mirror. I am married and we have similar problem
John, please you are not alone, I know what you feel because your problem is our problem too.
Be brave man to face the world..

Greeting from Indonesia.