Does anyone have any of their own stories of hope for the hopeless? I just feel like I am going to be single forever. I just want to vent a bit. I am just really tired of this. It is impossible to just meet a woman that I like and likes me. I feel like back when I thought I liked men it was so so easy. I could just flirt with anyone and I would be asked out a lot, but with women it's like impossible. You never know if they are flirting back or just wanting to be friends. I am very friendly and chill so it seems women gravitate toward me just to talk as friends. Everyone is straight. And then, if they are not straight I have to find them attractive and then they have to find me attractive and it just seems hopeless for me. I'm in my late twenties and have never had a relationship with a man or woman and full disclosure I have never even been kissed. No one would ever guess this is my situation. I am kind of ashamed of it. The other night I was talking to this woman who I thought could have possibly liked me and she was gorgeous, but turns out she was only hanging around me for my guy friend because they ended up going home together. I don't know, I am just sick of this. I am afraid I will never find a partner. It's fine, I like myself I have great friends, but I would like to experience this thing that most humans get to experience! Please! Just once! ugh.
I hear you OP, dating when you aren't straight can really be tiring sometimes. Do you live in a big city with a decent LGBTQ+ community? is there meet-up groups you could join? Queer events you could go to? Have you tried out dating apps? Those could be a good way to start meeting other queer ladies, and who knows, maybe meet someone? You are only in your twenties though, so plenty of time before declaring yourself "forever single!"
I could have written your post haha I’m 34 and feel the same. Definitely feeling defeated at the moment.
Don't oxford have a decent queer community? I thought I had heard positives things about oxford being very queer friendly? (but maybe it's all in my head!) Don't despair though, I guess the journey to find "The one" is half the fun! (as depressing as the journey may be at time)
Me too! Jumping on the 'singles' bandwagon here... Lesbian dating is just impossible. I'm wondering how the hell any Lesbian's ever get together?!
I do live in a big city. Maybe I could try getting involved in the LGBTQ+ community. Yes, I have tried dating apps, but I feel like they go nowhere. But, yeah maybe queer events or something. I don't know I am kind of afraid, but I guess I have to get out there a bit more. It's really tough ugh. hah thanks for saying I'm only in my twenties. Ugh I feel so old sometimes but forget that I still have time, everything is fine and I am still young no matter how old I get. Thanks for your suggestions!
I'm late twenties, too. I haven't dated in [old grandma voice] nine years. Nine years, woo weeeeee! I am like, embarrassed and also probably could get my Queer Gold Star for being a renewed virgin (even though I've dated and had sex with men -- and a woman -- so, prob not actually). I know that doesn't make me someone who is a virgin or has never been kissed, but I want to tell you, you're not alone in the not-doing category. I think the chick that I fell for was in your position. She seemed really sexual, like, OVERLY sexual. I would have never guessed she wasn't having sex with...everyone. She identified as pan and was so flirty, way flirtier than I could ever be. When it came down to it, I'm fairly certain she was a 'virgin' on all fronts. She'd definitely never had sex like she implied. HOWEVER, I didn't even care after awhile. I just wanted to be with her, and I feel like she was someone who overthought things way too much. Like, maybe she didn't grasp the concept of dating (honestly who does, though?) or felt a certain way about people but was really good at talking herself out of doing anything for fear of being hurt, or left, or judged, etc. If you live in a big city, I would say to find a queer community to hang with. Do join some LGBTQ+ groups, maybe volunteer if it makes you feel better to be in that atmosphere with a purpose instead of purposely placing yourself in a situation to be dating. That can be daunting and feel fake. Then maybe open yourself up to getting a little...intimate. But only if you want to! I'm not sure there's anything wrong with waiting until you really like someone or are completely ready. When you find someone that likes you, or loves you, and vice versa, they will not care when you tell them you've never done anything. If you want to get some kissing practice, though. Put yourself in those situations. It seems difficult, and probably is, but...I mean, there's a whole movie about never being kissed. Never Been Kissed. Her life turned out great so I bet yours will, too. Don't feel ashamed.
I like myself. I find myself interesting. It seems like the men I date or take a liking to don't find me interesting enough to stick around or spend more time with. I give them chances and opportunities to get to know me better and they don't take them. So there is something about me that seems to be putting guys off. And to be honest, I can't be bothered to figure out what it is. Maybe its the long distance. Maybe its because I can't drive. Maybe its because I don't have a body like Chris Hemsworth. Maybe the fact that I've never been in a relationship gives them a negative impression of me. It's probably very likely because I don't do anal sex. Whatever it is, I don't really give a shit any more. I don't want to marry these guys, I would just like a second meetup or even a bit of online chat would be something. I live too far away? Lets meetup halfway. I don't have a car? That's an extra bit of cash I can use to buy you dinner or a concert ticket. I don't have a body like an action hero? I'm flesh and blood and I'm right here, I'm not some fantasy. I've never been in a relationship? Good, no baggage, no abusive ex-boyfriends who have mentally scarred me for life. I've never done anal? That means I don't bend over and take it from any guy, I have standards. Perhaps I'd be willing to let you be my first time if we got to know each other a bit better. I don't think negatively about being single any more, I've learned to love myself, and any reasons I can think of or get told for why I haven't found someone, I just come up with positive counter arguments for them. Maybe one day I will meet someone who just gets me and takes me for who I am instead of rejecting me for who I am not. A lot of gays seem to have an all or nothing attitude when it comes to dating and romance. Life's too short to worry about people who don't have time for me.
I'm not too bothered about my lack of experience with women because I know that when the right woman comes along it will all just work out naturally. The lesbian dating scene is like tumbleweed anyway so I'm guessing that the average lezza does not have as much experience as her hetero girlfriends, that's just my guess ! It depends on the kind of person you are, too. Some people can just have loads of sex with loads of people and other's just can't. When the right person comes along it will just feel right and there won't be any judgements about experience and if there are, you're with the wrong person. Also one of the better things about being gay, is that we don't have to live by the same rules as heteros so there isn't this pressure to be settled down by the time you're in your 30's. I have lots of single female hetero friends and I really feel for the pressure society puts on them to be settled down by now and count myself luck that I don't have to deal with that! Best of luck @sabrinaa and everyone else too in this thread. We'll get there !
