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Needing support- girlfriend depressed and has no feelings

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by latenlife lez, Jul 6, 2018.

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  1. latenlife lez

    latenlife lez
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    You know- I deal with depression daily- and have since my mid-20's- so I am not a stranger to the illness. I am aware that it is different for everyone- and how I deal with mine- and it's cycles is not how others deal with theirs.
    My girlfriend is in a deep depression- one where she does not feel any feelings according to her. She has made an appt (can't get in till Sept) and plans to address it then- meanwhile her dealing with is not really dealing. Yes she is going to work, but that is about it- what she does is play the sims unless I ask her to do something else.

    Now I see my own counselor- for my stuff-- and I have been talking about this for quite some time. However I do not think I have talked about how lonely I feel and shut out. I have told my girlfriend how I feel and all I get back is a blank stare- and the more I seem to know I exist in her world- and that she cares about me- the more she withdraws.

    I do not how to be in relationship with someone who is at this point. While I could get to this point-- my co-dependent tendencies kept me from checking out completely-and once I got my day started (which is the hardest part for me- cause I could lie in bed and do nothing) I am good to go for the most part- although I can be derailed.

    How am I supposed to take care of me- and avoid being hurt- cause I do not want to be around her most of the time (we live together)- I do not want to share my feelings- because they seem to get thrown back in my face- and I do not want to her any more than she is already hurting

    It helps just to write this out
     
    #1 latenlife lez, Jul 6, 2018
    NoName87 likes this.
  2. NoName87

    NoName87
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    That’s a tough one. Sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend.

    From my experience. I went through, still going through a very rough patch in my life. Anger, sadness, resentment, regret, shame were and are ever present. My default is to shut down, idk why other than I find dealing with difficult situations... well difficult. I need more time than most to process.
    When people try to help it sometimes makes it worst usually because I am confronted with my own faults. It could be a seemingly super genuine act of support and I would still find a way turn it negative.
    What helps is the people around me know me! Being supportive doesn’t mean you have to play therapist all the time. Just letting someone process and letting them know you care can do wonders.

    At the same time as you say, you have to take care of you as well. I would approach it as follows. Be very direct in how you feel, what you expect and your plans moving forward. This could be in a letter or conversation or some other medium. But you need to be heard. It should almost be a reality check type of thing.

    My partner has to fix everything, like that is just who she is. Regardless of the person she is always trying to help. But the reality is you can only do so much, you have to know when to let go.

    Hope that helps, your story hits home, so keep strong:slight_smile:
     
    #2 NoName87, Jul 6, 2018
  3. latenlife lez

    latenlife lez
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    Thanks for you response

    I can say that most of the people in my life have no clue about who I am- and what is happening in my life- some is do to the fact that I was raised to be somewhat private- and the other is I know it is not always safe to be who I am

    So I am lacking support in many areas- and well sometimes being gay is just lonely.

    I really appreciated your response

    Thanks again
     
    #3 latenlife lez, Jul 9, 2018
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