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How can I become a feminine guy?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Joe2001, Jul 8, 2018.

  1. Joe2001

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    Whenever I see a really feminine guy, I often feel that their energy and feel-good vibes are always infectious and really come across as fun. Those types also seem popular and have several friends. I sort of want to fit in with gay guys now that I am 100% comfortable, but am trying to relaunch myself this year and this is part of it.

    How can I do it?
     
  2. Destin

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    Spontaneity mostly. Half of it is just saying whatever you think of with no filter, which doesn't always end well, but it causes that feel good fun energy. Add the stereotypical hand motions and other stereotypical gay stuff and there you go - now you look more feminine.

    Masculine - 'I like your shoes'
    Feminine - 'omg those shoes girl!'

    The problem is unless you're naturally like that already it looks kind of forced and ridiculous. I'm not like that naturally at all and the few times I've tried it I looked like an idiot. It was fun for a little while though.

    It's not the feminine stuff that makes them popular and have friends - it's the extroversion. When you talk to like 20 people a day it's not very hard to make at least one new friend per week, which adds up to 50+ friends a year and causes them to look popular like that. It's entirely possible to do that being masculine - I know because I do it.
     
  3. Joe2001

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    I completely agree about it looking idiotic, as I tried it before to alienate a straight guy (who was a total idiot that never left me alone) and came across completely unnatural. Coming across more natural is what I am aiming for.

    I'm introvert, but again trying to change that as being that didn't get me with the right people at school.
     
  4. quebec

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    Joe2001.....Hey Joe! What @Destin said is so true! :old_smile: . Let me add that how you dress is also part of that "Look" and personality. You don't have to go over board and become flamboyant...just change up what you wear a little. Skinny jeans, a hot hairstyle, a little (not too much) makeup...yes, makeup. I don't know how old you are...but you might check out the "The Coyle Twins" on youtube. They are a gay set of twins about 20 years old. Look at how they dress and their makeup. Actually it makes me a little ill to see them use makeup as they are so good looking that they don't need it at all. Check out their gestures too. They are very masculine (check out one of their videos shirtless :old_rolleyes: ), but still have that slightly fem appeal.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  5. Serperior

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    Mascara is a twink's best friend:innocent:
     
  6. Joe2001

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    I admit to being a very boring guy when it comes to dress sense. Always plain T-Shirts and jogging bottoms/shorts. Will check out those YouTubers.

    A lot of this is to reinvent myself, but given my dream job, I feel that the 'feel good' fem energy will come in useful as well.
     
  7. Joe2001

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    Anything else? I failed miserably the last time that I tried it. Is it a good or bad idea?
     
    #7 Joe2001, Jul 9, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  8. tystnad

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    i think gender expression is something you sort of grow into. if you radically change it from one day to the next, of course it’s going to feel unnatural and like you’re putting up an act. that’s because you haven’t yet had the time to slowly adjust femininity to yourself, to embrace it in a way that suits you. most people don’t actively decide to one day become feminine (or anything else for that matter) - they simply explore how they feel most comfortable expressing themselves, and then eventually grow into a more feminine man. for most people that doesn’t happen consciously, for others it is a more purposeful journey, but it is rarely just a decision of one day turning feminine and immediately feel comfortable that way. doing is so suddenly will feel like an act or a costume - because it IS! and it will remain so until you yourself grow comfortable with being that way.

    i absolutely don’t want to discourage you from trying to be more feminine, if that’s what you want. there are just some questions you need to ask yourself based on the things you say here. most importantly: would doing this allow you to become more YOU? or are you trying to become someone else? you speak about “feel good energy” - that’s a mindset and something you radiate more than it is being a specific person, and just trying to be more feminine alone is not going to result in that (it derives more from personality and having a positive attitude, which you’re not going to get through a different gender expression). and changing your gender expression for your job hardly seems like a good idea - yes, we put on masks for our jobs sometimes, but changing the way you express your gender entirely just for a job? will you still be true to you?

    if you genuinely feel like you want to be like those things you list because they’re more like YOU and that’s the kind of person YOU want to be, for YOU and not for someone else - definitely go for it! don’t expect it to happen overnight. radical differences are going to feel uncomfortable regardless of what they are, so if you go all at once take time to get used to it, but better yet, allow yourself to slowly grow into it by making one minor difference at the time. reinventing yourself doesn’t have to mean changing from one day to the next :slight_smile:
     
  9. Joe2001

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    I don't really know if being feminine is the real me. At the moment, all that I look at as the real me is a guy who is introverted, doesn't have much offline friends and doesn't enjoy life much. I'm sort of hoping to reinvent myself, and having seen a super feminine guy in my desired job (who everyone loved), I am sort of trying to be like him. Equally, the feminine guys always just seem so happy. So, to answer your question, I genuinely have no idea if it is true to being myself.
     
  10. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    i think it might be more beneficial for you to just sort of try things, not necessarily major differences, to see what things you’re comfortable with. being “you” definitely doesn’t mean you have to stay exactly the way you are and never change, but it means making adjustments that you’re happy with and that you’re comfortable with, and to find out which changes you’re comfortable with... you just need to try them. if those guys you’re talking about appear happy or comfortable with themselves, that is not because they’re feminine, but because their gender expression is one they’re comfortable with (and MANY other factors on top of that - gender expression doesn’t control your happiness). not to mention that even though they appear happy, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are. people are great at keeping up appearances :wink:

    in finding what things are “you” and “reinventing” yourself there’s no one path to follow! just experiment with expression yourself in different ways, some smaller and some bigger things. if you’re inspired by those feminine guys, feel free to copy little things off of them, try them for a while, see if after a while you want to keep them or ditch them. sometimes a tiny thing can already mean a LOT in finding what things feel like “you” and then you can build on that. sometimes if you’re completely stuck forcing yourself to take on a larger change can help you outside of your comfort zone (even if in the end you decide the change is not for you). comfort zones are safe, but they also suck a little. every step outside of them makes your comfort zone bigger, however. if someone would have told me a few years ago i’d be walking around in dungarees and muscle tees with part of my sports bra visible 90% of summertime today, i’d have laughed at them so much because i told myself for ages that wasn’t me - not because it wasn’t me but because it was too far out my comfort zone. if i’d tried on that outfit back then i’d have freaked out and never worn it again, because the difference was too big, it was too far outside my comfort zone, and it’d just have felt like a costume. but now it has become who i am - because i took the time and became more comfortable with myself and took small steps in the direction of finding who i am. changing your gender expression benefits from a little time - see it as a journey to become a more authentic version of yourself (even if you don’t yet no what that version is! that’s exactly what the journey is for!) more than a “i want to be exactly like that person right now” situation. there’s no rush!

    unfortunately... reinventing yourself is not the key to happiness. for some people it helps, if it is based on a desire to improve yourself, and not on a hatred of your current self. going by the way you describe yourself, i do worry you’re trying to fix bigger problems (you being unhappy with yourself) by solving not necessarily related things... i definitely think exploring the way you present yourself, experimenting to see what makes you comfortable, etc, can help you in ways but reinventing yourself is not going to turn you from someone “who doesn’t enjoy life much” into the happy feminine guy you see as an example. i really understand the desire, and i’ve been where you are not too long ago. for me, what was much more helpful was working on self acceptance and self love - because growing more comfortable with myself allowed me to better understand which changes about me i wanted to make because i’d be a better person from it, and which ones were me hating myself and trying to somehow become another person. i’m not saying that’s the case for you at all (obviously there’s only so much i can tell from this thread, i don’t know you as a person) but it might just be something to think about, and if it’s something you relate to, it might be helpful to work on yourself in a different way (for example therapy, mindfulness, journaling, or any other way, whatever works for you). that is not to say you can’t ALSO work on the way you present at the same time, i think the two actually make for a great combination and the two processes can contribute to each other. just don’t expect acting like those feminine guys will automatically make you be like them, because that’s not how it works... (and that may be for the best, because an individual version of you is much more interesting than a copy of someone else!)
     
  11. resu

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    IMO, don’t fall for gender stereotypes created by a heteronormative society by thinking in terms of feminine vs. masculine. For the vast majority of human behaviors and activities, it doesn’t matter what gender you are to do it.
     
  12. Joe2001

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    I'm thinking more in terms of feminine behavior and mannerisms. I know that they are stereotypes, but I want to know how to act like it.
     
  13. Lin1

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    I agree that "adopting" a persona probably won't bring you the results you are looking after.

    I used to be extremely introverted and very shy and therefore quite miserable. it took me time and a few kicks in the butt but I worked on the parst of me I didn't like, like my fear of talking to strangers or my fear of actually looking desirable (embracing my sexualiy also helped massively to be fair).

    And now, a few years down the line, I am very extroverted and outgoing, I look (and am) the way I always saw myself inwardly but didn't dare to show and I am simply the person I wasn't daring to be, but this person was always me, it's not me being someone else or having tried to be someone I wasn't, it was working on the things that were blocking me from blomossing into the person I am and was meant to be.


    It sounds like being feminine isn't actually what you want, you want friends, you want to be popular, and you want to find happinness, all those are fair wishes but I don't think posing as someone else, will get you there. When someone is wearing clothes they aren't comfortable in, they don't look confident, they look uncomfortable and not at their best even if the clothes might be the best ones in town. Confidence comes when one is happy is in his own skin and conscious and confident in his worth.

    What do you think is blocking you from having more friends and being happy? It's obviously not not being feminine, so what is it? because thsose are the point you should correct to reach your goals.
     
    #13 Lin1, Jul 9, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  14. Joe2001

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    Being introverted and not having interests that match other people. Many of the introverted people at school in my year are idiots (sorry, but that's my opinion) and it hasn't gotten me with the right type of friend, to put it bluntly. Trying something different may change that.
     
    #14 Joe2001, Jul 9, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  15. Joe2001

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    I think that it would definitely work for my desired job - Cruise Director. They are the main MC on cruise ships and run the entertainment and guest activities. There is a particular guy who no longer works on ships but is someone whose style I really want to emulate as he was LOVED (I'm led to believe that he is a fairly well known figure in the Niagara Falls gay scene).
     
  16. Lin1

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    I don't think it's his style that made him loved though, but his personality? Sure people may have gushed over his style but what makes people love you at the end of the day is your personality. I am afraid that if you try to copy people you will end up bitterly disappointed when/if you don't obtain the results you are wishing for.

    If you aren't the person you portray to be, people will feel it and it will put them off. Nobody likes someone who doesn't seem genuine.

    Enhance YOURSELF, don't copy someone else.

    What are you good at? What draw people to you? Find out and enhance those features, emphasize them and use them as your "signature" that's how you will attract people. Those people you look up to, they are good at what they do, but you are good at something too, figure out what it is and use it to your advantage but also be fully conscious that not everybody will like you, no matter what you do and no matter who you are and it's okay.

    I have a friend who craves being loved by people so much that it creates the opposite reaction because she simply doesn't transpire the confidence and the "I don't give a fuck" attitude that tend to draw people in.
     
  17. Loves books

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    I think your born that way, I don't think you can force it. Love yourself and others will too. Don't force it. My sister ended up with about 10 Gay guy friends in college but that's because she is outgoing, friendly and loves fashion but the guys just liked her. She met loads of different types of guys, there is no mold you have to fit. Join an LGBT group and you'll find out that gay people are just people who happen to be gay. Do you.
     
  18. Joe2001

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    It looked awkward when I tried it last time, however it's not impossible to change. I'm just trying to think of ways to make friends/come across more appealing and outgoing, and in addition, I can kill two birds with one stone as being flamboyant and more feminine makes for a good style in my desired job (as that guy showed).
     
    #18 Joe2001, Jul 10, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2018
  19. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    being feminine is not going to make you extroverted. it’s also not going to help you suddenly get interests that match other people. yeah, in trying to be this person you’re talking about, you can try different hobbies etc, but if you’re just doing them because other people are doing them and not because they’re YOUR hobbies, people aren’t going to connect with you over them.

    it is not impossible to change but it is impossible to become someone else. we can change into better versions of ourselves, but if we wish to be someone else we’ll forever be unhappy because that goal is unattainable. look, i’m not going to tell you not to try it, because from this very thread it’s pretty clear you’re set on becoming like someone else regardless of what people say. but if you’re unhappy with who you are, you’re going to unhappy no matter what you change about yourself on the outside, because the unhappiness is much deeper than that. i know that’s not great to hear, because it feels like a much harder problem to solve! changing how you feel about yourself is not nearly as easy as buying a new outfit and changing the way you look. but working on it is also infinitely more satisfying and it’ll give you a result you can reap the benefits from much longer than ignore you just buy new clothes and teach yourself some of the mannerisms people you see as role models use.
     
  20. Joe2001

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    His style doesn't really work without the overly feminine personality. He's an exception to the rule. There are some in the role who are rather metrosexual and that style has worked well, but my current personality doesn't quite work, nor does the stereotypical masculine personality.

    I'm not too sure what I am good at. Still at an age where I am trying to figure myself out. Nothing really seems to draw people to me. I've barely made any friends in years.