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Biphobia shouldn't be a thing.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by misslovely, Apr 23, 2018.

  1. misslovely

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    To preface: I can be a bit hard to follow at times and I'm not always the most articulate. so if I'm unclear please let me know. Also I'm new to this whole LGBTQ thing.

    So. I'm a woman in the third decade of her life who's recently come out [again] to a few people. for the first time in a little over a decade. [oh I've come out as ......... bisexual.]. People have been ok w/ it other then one person. I have a few thoughts about this. I'll start w/ one and then go from there.

    When I told him I was. I got the impression that. he thought I should just 'figure it out' 'pick a side'. but. that's not how this works. that's not how. sexuality works. I've since stopped talking to him but. biphobia, shouldn't be a thing. and, unfortunately it still is. I really. don't like it.........or homophobia transphobia.......and so on.

    Thanks for reading.
     
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  2. 18breanna

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    I, for one, really could not agree more. Unfortunately, our society has taught most people to understand sexuality in a very limited, binary way, as opposed to grasping the fluidity it actually possesses. Most hetero-centrics think "either you're normal aka straight or 'other' aka gay" when its really not like that. Human sexuality can be so many things and bisexuality is totally valid!
    Don't let this person convince you otherwise, they just need to be better educated in the nature of the subject,
     
    #2 18breanna, Apr 23, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2018
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  3. Blast

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    Unfortunately, in my experience, female bisexuals are some of the least likely of the LGBT community to be taken seriously. Many cultures treat bisexual women as flirtatious, adventurous, sexual beings who do it all either for attention, experimentation or just for the pleasure of men.

    And, unfortunately, you will also find this kind of prejudice amongst gay and lesbian people too.

    Biphobes really are dumb assholes.
     
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  4. misslovely

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    ^ thank you. I appreciate the validation.
     
  5. Quantumreality

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    Hello @misslovely ! Welcome to EC!:relaxed:

    I absolutely agree with you! Unfortunately, biphobia, including bi-erasure is very much still a thing (as, of course, is homophobia, transphobia, etc). To me, the best way to combat it is through education - often one person at a time. Had that friend of yours been open to listening sensuously, might you have considered trying to explain to him why his statement as both inaccurate and basically offensive to you?
     
  6. misslovely

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    Hi thank you for the welcome. I think, I understand what you're saying but before I answer the question what do you mean by 'been open to listening sensously'? I don't understand.
     
  7. Quantumreality

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    Ooops! Autocorrect typo. The should read: ''been open to listening seriously.'
     
  8. misslovely

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    oh ok. thank you. anyway. To answer your question. I might have, once I'd calmed down and been less emotional. But you're right when you said 'the best way to combat it is through education'. Honestly I didn't understand really that sexuality......isn't actually a choice, for a long time. I just recently got that.
     
  9. Quantumreality

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    Ah, I understand. It is hard to explain something to someone else if you still don't have a handle on it yourself. And, in the case of sexuality, trying to debate or explain how you experience it to someone else - when you don't fully understand it yet yourself - can definitely be counterproductive.
     
  10. misslovely

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    I think I get it.

    He didn't really say, anything negative about my um. coming out but it was more his reaction. He sent me a video of two girls kissing as if to say 'here. now you can be/become a lesbian.'. um ok that's not how it works. Sexuality isn't a religion that we choose or convert to. I walk the line, as it were. and I'm probably going to be walking the line the rest of my life.
     
  11. Quantumreality

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    Yeah, a lot of straight people, and a fair amount of gay people can't get beyond the idea of a binary world of sexuality. They think u either have to be 'this' OR 'that'.

    Having a sexuality in between the two extremes is something that many people just have a hard time understanding. Most likely because it is not something that they have ever experienced directly or because they are afraid to open their minds to the reality, due to a lifetime of listening to incorrect and ignorant mainstream ''explanations" of the nature of sexuality.
     
    #11 Quantumreality, Apr 24, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2018
  12. misslovely

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    exactly. No you're right. this is exactly why I didn't want to come out. as some people will have that reaction. [although. not everyone and thank god.].

    at the end of the day though. it's not his, or anyone else's journey. or their life. or. their sexuality. it's my [yours theirs his hers. whoever's] journey. and life. and sexuality.

    it says more about him, or anyone who's bi/homo/trans/other, phobic then it does me. us.
     
  13. anonmember

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    I agree. Biphobia is just plain stupid. In the end though, it only matters what you feel and what your sexuality is. I still plan on coming out in college at some point because I really want to explore the world of dating other guys. I may experience a few biphobic remarks, but most people should understand, and that’s all that matters.
     
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  14. misslovely

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    ^ well. you're right. thank you for your reply btw.

    In a way. I *don't* see gender or sexuality I just see love. I'm one of those 'genuine love and compassion' types.

    I've come to realise. actually I realised this within the last couple of days. that I'm not confused at all. about my sexuality. no I know exactly who I am when it comes to that. it's kindof peaceful realising that. this is me and people can take it or leave it but. this is me. I don't fit in and. I don't want to.
     
  15. alwaysforever

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    It can be really easy to get hurt by one relationship or another and make the false assertion that everyone is the same way based on personal experiences. I know that in the past I struggled with this. It took a long time to realize that everyone(including myself) who is questioning makes mistakes, and that has to do with the human condition, not that they haven't picked a side. Being bisexual is not the same thing as questioning, and to assume someone doesn't know what they want is stupid and hurtful.
     
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  16. Jakebusman

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    Biphoba shouldn't be a thing I like both boys and girls I don't think it's wrong to me it's normal I just can't pick a side this who I am if more people were educated about Bisexuality there wouldn't be judgement or confusion just my 2 cents
     
    #16 Jakebusman, Jun 12, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2018
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  17. BlueNeon

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    You can add me to the list of people who just don't understand biphobia. Nobody in the LGBTQ+ community should be looking down on another sexual orientation. Straight people are fine, gay people are fine, bi people are fine, and who you find attractive is none of my business.
     
  18. HDIGH

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    Yeah, after coming out as bi/pan I've run into a few of the "you're just greedy/pick a side/so you're gay now" crowd. And it's just no, that's not how this works.I don't just like one or the other or even just both. I go with choice D on the multiple choice form, all of the above.