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BI, but feel like I am turning gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Nicholas7, Jul 2, 2018.

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BI, but feel like I am turning gay?

  1. I am gay

    8 vote(s)
    40.0%
  2. I am BI

    12 vote(s)
    60.0%
  1. Nicholas7

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    Nope it never lasts for a year, 3 months max it lasts for....and thanks everyone for helping me
     
  2. Nicholas7

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    But i love my girlfriend and I am really happy with her, so I cant be turning gay because if i was turning gay I wouldnt want to be with her. The only problem is the sex is a bit weird sometimes.
     
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  3. Chip

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    Well... that isn't the way it works. I think if you talk to the majority of gay men on EC who have come out after having been in relationships with women... they'll almost all tell you that they really wanted to be with their female partners, and really like and care about them... but eventually they realized they weren't really in love because they eventually came to understand that their real ability to love was limited to other men.

    As we process any loss (in this case, loss of perception of self as straight), there are stages we go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. The stages aren't necessarily sequential, and sometimes we can be in more than one at the same time. And so, if indeed you are coming to terms with being gay and not bi, then denial of that would be the first stage, and there could also be some level of awareness that this is likely the case. You also say you'd be fine with being gay... but then, you're arguing above that you can't be. So clearly there's some dissonance there.

    Now... we don't know where you are on the spectrum. Perhaps you're truly bi. But from what you've described, we can't rule out the possibility that you're gay and just beginning to come to terms with that. And that's why I said, basically, this is something you may simply have to be patient about and wait to see where it leads.
     
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  4. Nicholas7

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    I am happy to be gay, but I only liked women last month I will give it until I am 20, if its still there then fine I am gay and I will come out. But heres the thing it will come back again the women side eventually....... But look I love my girlfriend and I cant stop thinking about how sexy and hot she is. But the sex is off sometimes because I want guys some days and women the next....
     
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  5. Love4Ever

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    Chip, it's pretty clear I think the OP is bi. Just because he's not super into women at the moment doesn't mean he is in denial. I really am frustrated that whenever a bi man comes on here asking for help you usually revert to him being in denial. Not all bi men are in denial. The constant skepticism bi people get, particularly men, is part of why so many bi men are assumed to be lying about their orientation.
     
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  6. Love4Ever

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    This post proves you aren't gay. You said it yourself, this has happened before, and it will happen again. It's frustrating and confusing sometimes but it's part of being bi for a lot of people. You, like me, just seem to be a particularly fluid bisexual where our preferences can change drastically from time to time. Have you been with a man before? If you haven't that would explain the increased desire and fascination. It's very possible once you had sex with a man your curiosity would be satiated and this would calm down and your attractions would even back out.
     
  7. Love4Ever

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    I also don't know what kind of relationship you and your girlfriend have, but have you expressed your desire to experiment with another man? How does/would she feel about that idea? It's possible she may not mind if you experiment, or she may even be interested in joining you if you are both into that. I know a lot of women whose dream guy would be a bi male who would be interested in adding another male partner to the mix. But again, I don't know what kind of relationship you have, so this may not work. It is a valid option though if you both agree and would not necessitate you leaving her since by your own admission, you love her.
     
  8. LLsailor

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    There are things that I’ve disagreed with chip on, but in all honestly he’s just someone trying to help. Him stating the fact he could be in denial if anything is helping him figure out himself. When one questions if they’re are denial, I’m pretty sure that helps make things clearer. Sure it makes things stressful as hell but in the end the answer will be found eventually. Maybe even faster. I honestly don’t think chip is assuming anything here. I mean I’m on both sides here so I can’t rly argue
     
  9. Mihael

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    Get some gay porn and watch it. You'll feel better. I guarantee. No need to ditch your fiancee now.
     
  10. Nicholas7

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    Gay porn, Is great and boring at the same time
     
  11. Mihael

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    Then find something you like. Like with more plot to it, maybe stories.
    It looks to me like you need to satisfy your man craving needs. And if you have a gf then porn is a good solution.
    Then , you'll be abe to look at your attraction in a more sane way and clarify what you want.
     
  12. Nickw

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    As a bisexual, I will offer the following. At least this is true for me.

    Bisexual is not "gay lite", it is not "straight...but". I can be as aroused by men as much as any gay man and as aroused by women as much as any straight man. They are not mutually exclusive although the intensities of the desires for one or the other vary. When bisexuals deny part of their sexuality, as I did for years, by not engaging it in some way, the urgencies can become overwhelming and consuming. Other bisexual men, I have met will describe the same thing. The desire to be with men doesn't go away when you are with a woman. This can be very difficult to navigate in a relationship. Some of us can be fulfilled by a sexual and emotional relationship with one sex or the other. Some of us will always have a part of us where the desires for what we are "missing" will haunt us until we fulfill them...that was my case.

    You are young. So, you have time to play this out, as Chip suggested. Just see where it goes and be open to the possibilities. Be honest in any relationship you enter. I didn't do that and it made it very difficult down the road. You won't kick this under the rug.
     
  13. Nicholas7

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    I love her so much though and yes the sex is good sometimes I aint leaving her for a stupid reason like that
     
  14. Nicholas7

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    A
    and chip you have no idea what ur talking about
     
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  15. LLsailor

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    That’s a pretty bold statement LOL
     
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  16. Nickw

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    What do you mean by a "stupid reason like that?" You don't have to leave your girlfriend to engage your same sex attractions.

    You also don't need to have sex with guys to do this. You can be bisexual and monogamous. But, you shouldn't be bisexual and try to be straight. There is a difference.

    You never answered my question. Have you been intimate with a man?

    Chip is just stating the truth here. Many guys get to be 40 to 45 and happily married and their worlds crash around them as they realize they love their wives and they are gay. I know a dozen guys like this because they are looking for men on the apps to fulfill this desire. And, these are good guys in a bad situation.

    Questioning yourself at this stage of your life is a good idea...a REALLY good idea. I didn't do this...I wasn't honest with myself...I went through a couple years of hell later in life.

    No one is arguing with you here. Just asking you to be open to yourself.
     
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  17. LLsailor

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  18. AJ Mendes

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    And BTW, a person is born gay, you dont turn gay as you go along..., or your gay or your not or your bisexual. This silly idea that a person becomes gay or bisexual just gives homofobes the wrong idea that its a choice, and that just makes a gay persons life even more dificult, one of the biggest reasons for the closet. Yes there are people in the grey area of homosexuality, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being totally gay, 5 bisexual, then there is that grey area of 3 and 7, but none of these is by choice, its just the way we were made.
     
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  19. LLsailor

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    What the hell.. my thing quoted my own message lol.. just read the bottom part^^
     
  20. Nicholas7

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    DID I SAY YOU CHOOSE TO BE GAY WTF.