Just wanted to share that I am over 18 months sober. I havent drank since the early morning hours of December 14, 2016. Im going to hit 19 months in two weeks. I have gone to AA but I dont have a sponsor. I go to speaker meetings and listen to some older ppl talk about how their life fell apart due to alcohol and drugs and how they found a solution. And I do go to a regular meeting. I dont go to NA despite I did smoke a lot pf weed from late October 2014 to early May 2015. I never considered it a big problem because I could stopped smoking weed anytime, which I did. I drank due to not fitting in from middle school to college, poverty, seeing myself as racially inferior(Im a Hispanic American), the verbal abuse I experienced from my dad towarss me and my mom and sisters(my dad has PTSD, see my thread about him for more info), seeing myself a failire on numerous setbacks Ive had for years. Ive seeb therapists, but never been to rehab.
Congratulations on 18 months of sobriety! That's awesome! The reasons you describe are actually among the most common issues people with substance use disorders struggle with (well, in addition to the neurochemical basis for addiction.) You probably will want some help in the long term to deal with the issues you describe. It's hard to process and resolve those issues without outside help. And it sounds like you're doing well so far, so give yourself credit for getting to this point, and just keep it up!
Thanks. I do have a family history of substance abuse(my paternal grandfather was an alcoholic and had entered a railroad hospital for alcohol treatment in the mid 1960s, plus some of my paternal grandmother’s brothers had some drug issues, thats according to my dad). Some of my maternal uncles may have been alcoholics, according to my dad but then again he does hate them(see my other thread about my dad on that). I have a family history of mental illness: my dad has PTSD, maybe some borderline personality, depression, my paternal aunt Diana may have had some mental illness, my paternal grandmother Monica may have some mental ilness because she took Ativan and Valium in the 1970-1980s. Maybe my paternal grandfather may have some mood disorder or bipolar due to his alcoholic rage he had towards my dad and siblings My dad never mentioned if siblings ever went to therapy due to my grandfather’s alcoholic rage and abuse towards them. Then again child abuse was unheard of during the 1950s-1960s in Texas. I mean it wasnt reported and it appears my paternal uncles went “up from their bootstraps” and lived their lives by joining the military or working in the railroad like my grandfather or etc. Im not saying they werent effected by my grandfather’s abuse. And my dad never went to therapy for that though he did bring that up in 2009-2010 when he was applying for Va benefits pertaining to his PTSD service connected disabiliy from his Vietnam service nearly 4 decades prior
yea, My drinking was getting way out of control for like decades. I tried a lot of things. Finally one day just had a 'Moment of Clarity' as he said in Pulp Fiction, and just quit. 19 YEARS ago! Take it one day at a time
Congrats on your soberity! 18 months is amazing! It is good to hear that you attend meetings. Sometimes hearing others is a major help and really can put things in perspective. You've been doing a good job, so keep up the good work
I do appreciate the replies from you all from this community. I don't attend AA meetings everyday but I try to go when I have time. At the moment, I'm unemployed and live with family. I'm looking for work and trying to pay my student loans I'm stuck with paying. I would like to obtain a state or federal level job because I could have my student loans forgiven after 10+ years of work with said state or local or federal organization. I haven't gone to therapy but I'm planning to go once I obtain a good job and a good insurance plan. My current insurance(ACA/aka Obamacare) sucks ass. I've had the same Ambetter from Superior Health Plan since 2016. My rates have went from $196 a month in 2016 to 230(2017) to over $356/month(2018). It's bullshit. Also locating a psychiatrist is difficult because most the psych docs that are listed on the provider network are for psychiatric hospitals and do not have outpatient services. I did find one doctor I saw last year and she was nice. There was some minor issue with the payment from my insurance and it made miss my follow up with her last November. I had to cancel and I tried to make an appointment this Spring and couldn't get an appointment with her. I'm lucky that my PCP doc manages my meds still.
