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I'm seriously considering starting hormones

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hanyauku, Jul 1, 2018.

  1. Hanyauku

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Family only
    I had my second therapy appointment this weekend, and I was talking a lot about how I've been feeling down recently and very pessimistic about the future. In particular, I talked a lot about how I was really worried about going longer without being on hormones. And when I was around halfway through my session, my therapist stopped me and was like, "Olivia, sorry If I"m following the wrong lead here, but it sounds like you're saying that you really want to start transitioning." After thinking it over, I told her that I did want to start physically transitioning, but I didn't know If I was ready to socially transition.She suggested that I could start on hrt, and use that as a catalyst to socially transition. But she also suggested that I come out to those closest to me, aka my family, before starting on hrt. And while I'm terrified for all this will entail, I feel so so excited and happier than I have in a long time just with the thought of actually starting my journey in the near future. My therapist gave me an overview of the hrt services offered in Kansas City, of which there are a surprising amount. There is a group of endocrinologists at the university hospital who specialize in transgender services, and I'm going to go see them.

    So, I know everyone is different, and ymmv, but do you think it's possible to be on hormones for a while and still be able to be in boy mode when need be? Which would be at work, but since I travel a ton for my job, "at work" for me means spending half of my time living out of hotels with my coworkers, though I have my own room. The most noticeable change I'm worried about (but also very excited about!) is breast growth. And I know that a lot of times you see little breast growth, but I've also heard of people getting C cups. I'm thinking that if I get to the point where I feel like I have noticeable breasts, I could wear a binder? Which maybe sounds weird, for a trans girl to wear a binder, but If I need to flatten my chest at times what's better than a binder?Any input from people who have done something similar, with being on hrt for a while before fully socially transitioning, would be greatly appreciated.

    Also, I'm going to make a separate, more specific how to come out thread in the Coming Out Advice part of the site, but does anyone have quick tips for coming out as trans? I'm leaning towards writing a letter. Partly because I only see my family in person every couple of months, and also because I think I'm a pretty good writer when I put my time and effort into it. Thanks everyone!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
     
  2. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    i’m not speaking from experience since i’m not trans, but as for breast growth, minimal growth should be very easy to cover up using a sport bra or a tight top with some clothes layered over it. binders are not ideal because they break down tissue in your breasts (making them less firm) which is less of a concern for trans men who want to undergo top surgery, but may be an issue for you, so these methods might be better than binding — and until you get bigger than an A (or even small B) cup they should work just fine (sport bras come in all sorts of sizes and different compressions so make sure to try some different ones if you can). i’m a bigger A cup myself and get mistaken for a man often enough without presenting particularly masculine because a sports bra (low to medium compression) + loose shirt/layers does enough to cover up my chest. as a general rule of thumb you can assume you’re unlikely to grow breasts bigger than those of other women in your family (likely a cup or more smaller) so perhaps that is a good indicator of what to expect in that aspect. i’ll leave the other aspects of hrt to people who actually have experience with it :slight_smile:

    mind you, if people have no idea you’re trans, it’s surprisingly easy to fool them. people tend to make such strong assumptions about gender that if they think you’re male, it’ll be easy for their minds to just make up excuses. as in, if they notice breast growth, they’ll likely shrug it off as the result of some weight gain or the effects of a workout or whatever. if you need to present as male, it’s perhaps easiest to build on these rigid expectations that people have. they can be extremely restricting in other circumstances, but while you can.....feel free to use them in your advantage and use those lousy excuses if they work :slight_smile:
     
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  3. EverDeer

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    I have a girlfriend and close friend who is MtF, both of them have been on hormones for between 6 months and a year at this point.. both of them are at the point where, when dressed up and in makeup, they can pass as female, but when dressed down can easily be read as male, albeit maybe just an androgynous male. My girlfriend had C-D cup breasts but they can still easily be hidden with sports bras, compression shirts, and binders for work, but of course it all depends on the individual. I think you’ll have plenty of time though if you’re worried about things going too quickly :slight_smile: another thing is you can slightly choose how much you want to be on at one time (if it’s affecting you as it should) if you would like to transition slower as well.

    Honestly I just sort of came out really informally and gradually. I started by just putting my new pronouns in my social media bio’s and not saying anything. Then tagging my posts with gender related hashtags, then slowly doing it across all my media until one of my sister’s eventually picked it up and asked my about it front of my family. I answered everything honestly, but I just didn’t say much unless personally confronted. I also gradually just slipped it in to different friends occasionally. It depends on how the people in your life react as well though, and how YOU WANT to come across, and what you think they’ll best respond to. Coming out is an ongoing process, but honestly the scariest part is just getting the ball rolling to start with.
     
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  4. Hanyauku

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    She
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    Straight
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    Thanks, tystnad! Your post was super helpful! I'd never heard that binders could damage breasts. That's good to know, and definitely something that makes me hesitant to use them. Breast size in my family is on the normal to smaller end of the spectrum, so I don't expect hormones to have a major impact, though I want to be prepared for any result. I also like the idea of taking advantage of gender assumptions to brush of people's suspicions. I guess I just thought that because I would be thinking so much about the changes I'll go through that it's obvious to everyone, but that's not the case. Anyway, thanks again for the input :slight_smile:
     
  5. Hanyauku

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    Hi, Felix! I love your name! And the idea of being a local deer prince sounds great, so points for being fun. Thanks for the advice! It's super helpful to hear accounts of people who went through similar situations. Just to clarify, your girlfriend does still present as male in certain situations? If you don't mind me asking, how has that worked for her? It seems like she is doing something similar to what I want to do. And I'm already pretty androgynous in my presentation, at least as much as I can be at work with the business casual dress code. So, I'm totally fine with and want to keep appearing androgynous even when I'm in boy mode.

    I really like the idea of an organic, informal coming out process, and that's what I plan on doing. At least with those who aren't my family. I think it would be hard to gradually come out to my family, one because I don't see them a huge amount, and two because I don't want to wait that long before starting hrt and I do want to tell them before I start. Do you think dropping hints helped those around you be more accepting, by being a more gradual thing rather than "Hey, I'm trans!" Or did people even really pick up on it? Like, did you still have to sit down with people and be like, "I know you've seen my pronoun change on social media, and I've been changing my presentation and expression to match that, but just to clarify I am genderqueer, this is what that means, I'm serious about my name and pronoun usage, etc.?" Thanks again for all of your help!!
     
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  6. EverDeer

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    Yep, my girlfriend still presents as male in all aspects of her life except when she, for example, goes out with friends or on the weekends and such, due to having to be around non-accepting family members so often at this time. However like I said it works well for her right now so you’d have quite a bit of time I imagine..

    Also, I did still have to sit down and have those conversations, but I do indeed feel that seeming confident and open about it at least let others be able to come to me on their own time and feel less intimidated or awkward / unsure about asking me about it.
     
    #6 EverDeer, Jul 6, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2018
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