Coming out as bi for the first time (to my younger brother)... help!

Hi! I’m a 24 year old female from a conservative southern state. I’ve known I was bi for about 3 years now but have yet to come out to anyone.

My brother is 19 and we are really close but I have no idea how he will react. He is liberal leaning but I still worry as we are from a very conservative area. My bigger concern, though, is that it might be a complete shock. He is such a smart kid (not just me being a big sister, he’s legitimately so smart), but he is the most oblivious person I’ve ever met.

Anyways, we have a long drive together in a few days and I’m trying to decide if I should tell him then or, like, when we stop to eat lunch or something. Any pros/cons of coming out while driving?

My other biggest question is just how to ease into the conversation. I know that I don’t just want to blurt it out. In fact I want to try and give as many hints as I can in the conversation so his oblivious, but smart, self might just realize it on his own. I know that’d be asking a lot lol, but basically I’m just looking for advice on how to have the conversation and calm my nerves more than anything. Thank you so much for your help!!

 

Hi friends! Just wanted to share a recent update. I ended up trying for a few weeks to tell my younger brother but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I finally wrote a letter (that I never sent) which helped to calm things down anxiety wise. For the past month or so things have been back to normal. No overwhelming anxiety to need to tell someone, though I still obviously would have liked to.

Cut to yesterday where I was driving for a few hours with my mom while home for a few short days. I am from the Deep South and when I visit we always have really enjoyable, civil conversations about politics. I lean pretty far left, while she is a bit all over the place. We were going through issue by issue and talking about where she would place on the political spectrum for each. We got to marriage equality and I’ve known that she supports gay rights, but somehow my dad’s views came up. I asked what they were (since he is very far right leaning I usually avoid politics with him) and she answered by saying that she isn’t sure how he feels, other than that if my brother or I were gay that he would still love us.

And then it happened. She just straight up asked me if I was gay. At first I started to say no, then I hesitated, panic set in, I made some very uncomfortable faces, took a long pause, and then told her that I was bi. Keep in mind I’m driving and had no intention of coming out so we had to pull over real quick lol. But I did it!!

I have always known her to support me 110% in whatever I do, but there was always a tiny bit of me that was scared to come out. But I could not have been happier with her reaction! She was so supportive!

We had such an interesting and productive conversation for the remainder of the drive. I answered all of her questions and she answered mine as well. She asked so many good ones and wants me to send her articles online as well (if you have any good ones for parents please share)! She only asked a few that were typical cringe-worthy parental questions but always with a lot of respect.

On my end I found out that she has suspected that I might be gay for some time. She even asked some of my best friends! She had never considered that I might be bi, but it makes a lot of sense to her. It was also great to finally be able to just tell someone everything and talk through how I might tell others in the future.

I feel really good about it but it does just feel a bit strange to know that someone else knows. Like I can’t take it back, which is great, but is just weird to comprehend that I actually did it.

Today we talked again and she wanted to reiterate that for her the most important things are 1. my happiness, and 2. my safety. I am just so glad that it went so well, especially since the rest of my family will be a crap shoot. Good news in regards to my brother is that I am hoping to tell him over Thanksgiving (she thinks he will definitely be supportive but also agrees he might be caught completely off guard). It will likely be years before I tell the rest of my family, if I ever do. But I’m so glad to be where I am now!