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sex doesn't feel like I thought it would

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by ajw347, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. ajw347

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    I'm 34 never dated or had physical contact until very recently. I like this women, but I wouldn't say I'm close to being in love, there is just something about her that makes me feel very comfortable with her. We've had sex a few times now and I'm having a couple problems.

    1. I can't seem to orgasm

    2. When she uses her mouth on my breast and when she's eating me out I literally don't feel her mouth or tongue. I find this really strange.

    And
    3. When eating her out I didn't feel turned on.

    I am taking depression and anxiety medication. But I thought I've made myself orgasm a couple of times since I've been on it. The only things I can think of to why I'm having this problem is:

    1. The Medication
    2. Not that into sex
    3. Not into sex with women (which I'm pretty sure I don't want to sleep with a man so, ???)
    4. Not that into her
    5. I'm really an asexual that thinks about sex all the time and have falsities about having sex.

    I really like just being with her naked with our legs wrapped around each other. I liked cuddling on the couch with her hands cupping my breast. And I like holding her hand.

    Anyone have any thoughts, opinions or suggestions on what's going on and what I should do?
     
  2. Lia444

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    I’m 34 also and haven’t been with a women yet but I do worry that it’s not going to be as good as others have described and also that I won’t feel anything, let along orgasm. I struggle to get myself turned on much on my own so my touch doesn’t do anything for me so I rely on vibrators. My theory is that a women who I’m really into will turn me on a lot more and her touch will feel great.

    How long have you been seeing each other? Maybe you need to get to know each other more. If you are really into her then I thought you would crave her and want to touch and be near her so if you don’t then maybe you aren’t attracted to her. I need to really get to know and trust someone before I can be that vulnerable so maybe you need more time? Also with women, a lot is in the head, in that, if you are worrying or stressing about things then no matter what you do you are unlikely to orgasm. You need to be fully in the moment.
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    I would try not to focus on this. Try just to enjoy it. If you keep thinking "I can't orgasm...Why's this not working?...I need to orgasm..." etc. then it probably won't happen because you're not focusing on the experience. I sometimes find it harder when I'm only focusing on the end goal.

    This happens quite often with my (male) partner. Sometimes I think it's because my head isn't really in it, but other times he's doing too much, too soon or not doing it in the way that works for me. Perhaps ask your girlfriend to slow down a bit, so that you can feel it and let it build up.

    As a fantasy, does the idea turn you on? If not, then perhaps it's just something you're not that into. If yes, are you thinking so much about what you're doing, that you're not really in the moment? Or, it could be the reasons that you've suggested. Difficult one to work out.
     
  4. NotQuiteANerd97

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    I’m guessing it’s the medication. But your mood can also play a role in it. When I’m too nervous, it can cause all kinds of problems during sex. That and not every sex act appeals to everyone. I’m not a huge fan of oral. For some reason I’ve had a lot of awkward experiences with it. And I much prefer giving over receiving. Then again, I’m on medication too, but a different kind
     
  5. Mariana

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    It might be related to the medication, but I agree with LostInDaydreams - it can be very difficult to have an orgasm when you have that goal in mind. Just try doing what feels good, whether that leads to orgasm or not. Sex can be great without anyone having any orgasms!

    I think the issue with not feeling anything when she uses her mouth on you is probably related to the medication (?). I'm really no expert, but it seems strange to me that you can't feel it at all. You might not feel as much as you think you would but nothing at all..? I don't know. If you're concerned about that maybe talk to a doctor and see if that's related to the medication and what can be done about that.

    It sounds to me like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and that makes it really hard to enjoy sex. So try to relax if you can (I know that's hard), and focus on doing things you enjoy.
     
  6. Sawyer

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    I would say the first, maybe, 3 months, of having sex with my gf, I was way too nervous to really enjoy it. I still have some issues/anxiety's that I am not good enough when giving, bit I am working on that.

    I also tend to agree if you focus on the orgasm, it isn't going to happen.
     
  7. Kimmer

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    Maybe it's stress or you need more like mental turn on. Like to get in the mood. And it could also be something like porn addiction that you can't orgasm without any visual thing.