Wanting to end life/needing 2 move country

HEY JOGOS, First there are all kinds of reasons to stay alive, you are not the only one that has, is, or will suffer from depression and hard times. I have been there myself, but it does and WILL get better. Depression REALLY gets in the way of a persons ability to dream and think about all the great things in life.

If you need someone to talk to in real life is there a suicide prevention hotline you can call in your area?

Message the staff, I know there is at least one advisor in England, maybe he has some ideas to help you, cheap housing, where to look for employment.

Do you have a counselor or access to one?

I promise you, you are not alone for you have found a family here on EC. We may not be your blood but do often blood does not equal family.

Dean

 

I'm going to be honest with you here, your family are the real problem right now, you need to become financially independent and cut them out of your life. Where you're living might not be ideal but your family are just making it worse at this point. If you had friends that treat you like your family treats you would you still be friends with those people? Get rid of them, they are toxic. People who grew up with a good family probably wont understand it, but just ignore those people. Don't worry about anyone else for now, just focus on becoming successful so you can cut your family out of your life for good.

Maybe try and make some new friends. When you have new friends don't let them talk to your family. Your family may have brainwashed you from a very young age to have low self esteem and may have turned other people against you as well. Eventually you will probably need to see a therapist who understands what you've been through to repair some of the damage that your family has done to you.

 

I've only just seen this thread and I'll be signing out very soon, but I just wanted to let you know that I'll send you a personal message tomorrow. As a British passport holder you should have few problems coming to the UK and settling here, but you may need to lower your expectations and look beyond settling in London in the first instance. London is one of the most expensive cities in the world for housing, even if you are renting and you just can't hope to live there with limited funds or be accommodated in social housing by one of the London borough councils or housing associations.

Now that you have your degree you may find better employment opportunities, but if you are coming back to the UK from Portugal it may be necessary to do some lesser value jobs for a while.

I hope the suicidal thoughts have subsided and you feel a little more hopeful now you have your degree.

I'll write more tomorrow.

 

Surely if you are from the UK and over 18 you can just move back?

You may want to keep in mind that if you have moved from the UK when you were a kid, you might have a bit of an idealized vision of the country which may not be an accurate representation of what living in the UK now would be.

With brexit on its way and the rise of vocal extremism even within the local LGBT community (look at london pride) I am not fully sure that UK is necessarilly an haven for gay people. England is also extremely expensive, so you have to look at where you want to settle and how you can manage to maintain yourself financially there and what type of job your degree can get you in the UK.

I personally would recommend moving to Spain. A) it's much closer, B) the weather is nicer, C) it is extremely gay friendly AND D) it is as cheap (or even cheaper) than portugal and with your knowledge of English and Portuguese you will find a job easily.

 

hey jogos,

our situation is not entirely the same, but i too have lived in various eu countries, one of which had a culture that was not compatible with me AT ALL. people sometimes underestimate just how different attitudes and cultural values are per country (especially considering how small europe is) but it really is true that not every country is for everyone, and if you feel like the UK is the place that worked best for you, it makes a lot of sense to want to go back there. i do want to warn you of one thing: you say you left the UK ten years ago. memory and unhappiness with our current situation can make the past look more glorious than it really was. you need to be careful not to see moving back to the UK as the ultimate fix for everything because it is very well possible you have unconsciously romanticised that idea a lot and then when you actually get there, it’ll just disappoint you. make sure to go about this with your expectations in check, and be aware that some of the problems you think it will solve will reoccur. depression isn’t solved by moving to another country, for example: it can help, but what helps more is getting actual help for that. if you aren’t yet seeing a therapist i would really recommend you do, not to talk you out of it but for you to tackle problems right now instead of waiting for them to be solved only after certain requirements are met (ie moving to the uk). also, if you haven’t yet, find a temporary job for the time being to get some savings started. none of these things mean settling in portugal and accepting your fate - they just mean you’re not just sitting around waiting, but rather actively working on yourself and your future. the future isn’t going to magically fix us if we don’t do our best to make the future the best we can make it.

those things aside: speaking from experience, it is shockingly easy to move from one eu country (and for now the UK still is) to another if your demands and expectations are right. especially as a legal national of that country! but do expect to start low and struggle a bit in the beginning before you can actually live the perfect life you envision. as in, you can find a job as a cleaner or at a callcenter or a fast food chain somewhere without a problem, these jobs are generally always available because people look down on them and don’t want these jobs. with the money you earn with that, you can afford to rent a room given that your standards are reasonable (if you’re looking at a city with a university there should be a market for rooms of some sort: i’ve managed to find rooms in highly competitive cities without physically being there at the time of my search and i can guarantee it is possible. frustrating? yes. but possible. london is probably the toughest and has the most scams so also consider other options for the time being). is being a cleaner who lives in a 10m2 room ideal? absolutely not. but it’ll get you to the uk as fast as possible, and then from there you can build up! you can apply to jobs you actually DO want then, and if/when you earn enough, you can upgrade to a better living space.

of course, that’s not the dream plan... but it is the most realistic. the truth is, you need a job to be able to afford to live there - and if you only apply for jobs you really want, the chances of getting one are minimal because being abroad, you can’t go to interviews, and not everyone is willing to cater to you by having skype interviews instead. i definitely encourage yoh to apply anyway but don’t see it as the only option. housing is also a lot easier to get if you’re already in the country, because then the landlord can meet you (and you the landlord too to make sure you’re not being scammed) and they generally do prefer renting to someone already in the country, with a british bank account.

if getting back to the uk is your number one priority, you need to make sure to not demand too much immediately, because it’ll just complicate matters a lot and make it much harder to get there as soon as you want. but i want to repeat that you need to be careful not to regard the uk as a fix to all your problems, because you’re likely to have tomanticized it a lot in your mind. that’s normal, and we all do it, but it can just make any problem you encounter hit extra hard so it’s important to look at your ideas here very critically as well.