One year on testosterone, so far, so good (results post)

This month marked a year on full transition dose testosterone. I am 49, bi-gender AFAB female and male, and using gel. Top surgery is scheduled for Aug 7, and I have bottom surgery consult coming up in January.

As an enby I don't want to transition entirely to male, and planned to continue presenting femme as my primary public presentation, so I was concerned about certain effects of T. Initially it was a two-week trial, then a two-month trial. I figured as long as the effects were good and I was happy, I'd stay on it.

Here's my results thus far:

Voice: I am one of the minority, I've had minimal voice changes. My speaking voice is almost exactly the same as pre-T, moderately low in the typical female speaking range. My voice is still easily recognizable to people who hadn't spoken to me since pre-T, except a bit froggy, as if I have allergies or a cold. My singing voice went from a pre-T range of high-mezzo soprano to high baritone. Now I'm low mezzo soprano with a range well into bass (and approaching basso profundo!). This was one of the concerns that really scared me, I really did NOT want a lower voice, but I was prepared to deal with it if it happened, because other changes were too important to not at least try. I do miss singing in the higher mezzo soprano registers, but it's not the end of the world.

Hair: Yes, I has hair! I have hair on my belly, my chest, on my back (shoulders), my leg hair is hairier, and it's starting to crawl up my asscrack. Not my favorite. Unexpectedly, I kinda like the body hair. I didn't think I would. I still keep my arms and legs neatly shaved (it's more comfortable) but the rest of it, I think I'm going to keep! My head-hair is retreating, no surprise since my son has serious retreating widow's peaks (male pattern baldness), and he had to get that gene from me, since it's passed down on the X chromosome. I've also cut my hair into a style that doubles as a pixie cut as a girl, and a fairly typical short cut as a guy.

Facial hair: It gets its own category. I was already naturally hirsute before T, enough so that I shaved every day or two, mostly in the goatee area. Now it's working its way to my upper lip, and sideburns, and I have to shave at least daily; twice a day if I have an evening event and really want to be smooth-skinned. I'd love to grow it out at least once just to see what it would look like, but I'm not ready to do that in my own community. I have a fantasy of "going away" for two months where no one knows me, really exploring that side of me, then coming home and making a decision. Unfortunately I don;t have the funds for that. If anyone has a two-month job opening that provides travel expenses and living quarters for a journalist/PR/writer type person, I'd love to give it a try!

Musculature/fat: Yes! I has muscles! LOL. Okay, enough with the silly language usage. My shoulders and arms are getting large, and would probably be huge if I did more than cardio and hiking. Even my pects are getting noticeable under my still large boobs. My thighs and calves are seriously muscled and hard, because that's where my primary workouts are focused. I never had much in the way of hips, and now they're very slim, and my non-existant waist (due to a short torso, no room for an indent between ribs and pelvic bones) is getting muscled in a masculine manner. Fat distribution hasn't really changed, because two years ago I started a huge weight loss effort, and have in total lost 125 lbs. It's hard to tell what changes are due to weight loss, and which are due to testosterone.

Face: Again, because of weight loss, it's hard to tell changes from a thinning face, and changes from T. That said, all of a sudden I look like my maternal grandmother at the same age I am now, but then she was never the most femme looking woman. No changes in eyebrow thickness, and there's a little bit of something more masculine than it was (face app now thinks I'm a guy for photo makeovers) but it's still femme to most people. A "handsome woman" is one of the terms I've heard referring to my type face.

Breasts: My boobs have flattened from full 42H cup into saggy, deflated 34DD balloons as the combination of weight loss and testosterone have eliminated pretty much all the fat that filled them out. I found an enby-friendly surgeon who has been doing top surgeries for more than 20 years, and is willing to perform a modified top surgery so that I have enough boob (A cup?) to make my female side happy, yet still small enough to be able to bind with just a tight sports bra. I also plan to use falsies to fill out my old bras to fit into my favorite dresses and shirts from pre-top surgery.

Bottom growth: so far, disappointing. Growth has been exponential, but considering where I started (pin-head), it's still not much. I'm really worried I won't have the necessary growth for even the most basic metoidioplasty, and I do NOT want phalloplasty! I've been looking at the sites with before and after photos, and seriously, some of the guys there have more size before T than I do after a year on T.

Mental: This is the biggest, most important part of the whole thing. My mental changes are fabulous. Ever since I switched from a starter dose to a full transition dose, my mind has calmed. I no longer spend hours at night with my brain running in circles, or wake up with my brain running in circles, keeping me up past dawn. I'm steadier, more thought-out, and in general, just happier in my skin.

Sexual: I remain primarily andro-sexual, but more than a little bi-sexual, and very much andro-romantic. However, my sexuality is now almost entirely having sex *as a guy* even when I'm on a femme swing and presenting totally femme.

It's not directly related to the effects of T, but possibly (probably) indirectly: my presentation is evolving.

When I'm in femme mode, it's all about the girly clothes, be it skirts, leggings with tunic/sweater, short-shorts, cute shirts and tanks, etc, but ALWAYS my dangly earrings, which are my *thing* and have been for decades. I have a huge collection. My style hasn't changed since I figured out what I was. However, I'm no longer dysphoric, I know why there is a masculine internal voice within, and now that I acknowledge it's there, I'm no longer plagued with confused thoughts of "I'm a fake, a fraud, someone is going to call me out."

I'm starting to put together my "guy look" for those guy swings, which is mostly Levis 501s (jeans or shorts), black tennies or deck shoes, and either a button down or a t-shirt with details like sleeve detailing, epaulets, a yoke of some kind, and/or a henley. Or a shawl-neck or henley fisherman's sweater. The one thing I know; as a guy I hate the earrings, and even when dressed femme, when in guy mode I rarely wear the earrings. Right now I mostly only present as a guy when in the strongest of guy-swings, and then mostly at LGBT events or if I go into our nearest big city - which is usually for LGBT type events. Frustratingly, just as I got together enough guy clothes to really start wearing them - I went right into a girl swing. Grrr!

 

I forgot to add one:

Skin: No acne, beyond what I had pre-T (occasional zits, nothing serious), and no other notable changes to my skin. My veins really pop, though, in my hands and arms. A major acne breakout was a huge fear I had, especially backne, and I was very happy it never happened to me.