I’m 16 nearly 17 and I’ve been questioning my sexuality since I was about 11, I really am interested in girls romantically and sexually, girls are all I fantasize about and all I have fantasized about. I don’t have much irl experiences with girls expect for a few kisses here and there (which I really enjoyed) The thing is, I have had many experiences with boys only because it’s what I deemed as “normal” the experiences weren’t horrible but they just felt wrong, I didn’t want more. I’m really struggling trying to find my sexuality, am I bisexual? Or am I gay? Am I straight but only going through a phase? I don’t even know anymore. I just want to figure myself out, it’s not like I want to prove myself to anyone, I just want the peace of mind with myself instead of worrying myself sick over it. I’ve spoken to a bisexual friend about it and she said she just knew it in herself that she was bi. I don’t feel comfortable talking to the people in my personal life so I’ve turned to making a thread on here. Can anyone help me out or at least give me their opinion on my sexuality???
Nobody can tell you what your sexuality is, but from what you've written it doesn't sound like your interest in boys is genuine. Were you attracted to them? Did you want to kiss them? It doesn't sound like it from what you've written. Your attraction towards girls does seem genuine. It doesn't matter that you've had more experience kissing boys, it's how you feel that counts.
from what you’re writing here, i think you’re much more sure about your sexuality that you think you are! you like girls; you have been with boys because you were expected to by society but it felt wrong - those are really strong things to know about yourself and very telling. say, if i told you “i’ve been with boys but it didn’t feel right, but i fantasise about girls all the time and i really enjoy kissing girls too” would you call me gay? bi? “going through a phase”? actual “experience” means nothing - MANY lesbians have been with men at some point because the truth is.... sometimes it’s really hard to shake off the man-centrism and heteronormativity of society and allow yourself to think/live outside of those expectations. the only thing that determines your sexuality is who you’re attracted to, not who you’ve been with in the past i think you already have the answer to the question, but what you haven’t reached yet is the point at which you’re coming to terms with it, and by questioning yourself over and over again you’re not allowing yourself to get closer to that point. don’t worry - that’s normal! accepting your sexuality can be surprisingly tough sometimes, even if you think you’d be okay with it, and you’re not homophobic. it’s (often) much more than saying “i’m gay, that’s ok, now let’s find myself a girlfriend!” but it’s digging deep, unlearning behaviours and thinking patterns you were raised with, and allowing yourself to let go of doubt. a helpful thing in terms of letting go of doubt is to allow yourself to pick a label and stick with it for a while, even if you’re not sure. call yourself gay - check back after a little while to see how you feel. labels are not exactly legally binding: if you at some point realise another label fits better, you can always change! acceptance is very much a process and won’t happen from one day to the next, and often that process includes denial, doubt, worry, and the feeling that you’re “faking” your sexuality, but eventually it will take you were you want: a moment where you can confidently say: this is my sexuality. these are the genders i’m attracted to. it’s ok if that takes time - you’ve got plenty of it left
I think your answer lies in how you described your own reactions. My advice would be take your time, listen to what you are telling yourself, and try not to worry too much about what is "normal". Normal is being honest with who we are and who we love. Hugs to you and keep in touch with us!
it’s definitely confusing, but this is why we’re all here! remember that you can take your time with this, there’s no deadline on figuring it out and you don’t even have to conform to a label if you don’t want one. If you do decide to call yourself bi, you can change that later if you don’t feel comfortable. I must have been bi about five times before I finally figured it out! There’s a lot of compulsory heterosexuality around which confused me into thinking I was into boys when in reality I was just into the idea of being like everyone else because I was socialised into that mindset. That could be something to consider. I hope everything goes well for you, feel free to message me if you ever need to talk/are confused.
From what you've written you sound like a lesbian. I was a year younger than you when I realised that I was gay and that was the reason I didn't want to have sex with a guy. I figured it out in church when a retreat group came to our school and I had a giant crush on one of them. You said that being with boys felt wrong so I don't think you're bisexual. I don't think sexuality can be a phase especially if you're had an idea you could like girls since age 11.
