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How do you know if you're denying your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hope4love, Jun 23, 2018.

  1. Hope4love

    Full Member

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    I'm not that aware of my own feelings and how I react to them sometimes, so what are some signs that you guys face, that exposes the denial you have towards your sexuality?
    also how do I test myself to know if i'm in denial or not?
     
  2. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    Hey! I’ve been in this situation, and am still working myself out of it really. To be honest, there can be many signals - but you won’t know until you learn to get in touch with your emotions and became more aware of your feelings. Even if there are signals that other people can identify, you’ll either not recognise them yourself or unconsciously deny them, so there really is no way to “test” until you learn more about yourself. I know that’s probably not the answer you want (i feel you! boy, would it be nice to have a way to test yourself easily!) but there isn’t really an easy or quick fix, the only way to figure out if you’re in denial is by working on recognising your own feelings and emotions (in general), and then the rest will follow. The most straightforward idea is talk therapy, which exists to help you with exactly that. I’ve also seen people suggest more diy methods such as mindfulness or meditation. What helped me very much is to both let go off obsessive thinking about my sexuality, give me some time to focus on just me in other ways (i.e. learning to be aware of other things about me; recognising growth, however small; and letting emotions about anything exist instead of trying to ignore them) and it has actually given me some answers about my sexuality, that I don’t think I’d have gotten if I had not focused on getting more in touch with myself in other ways first.

    For me a strong sign that I was repressing/denying stuff was that i didn’t experience any attraction - not to men because I’m genuinely not attracted to them, but not to women either because I wasn’t allowing myself to (without even being aware of it). But that was also the only sign I could think of - and it could’ve meant a million other things either. If someone had told me “hey, that’s a sign you might be gay!” i’d probably never have accepted it as such, not because I was against the idea of being gay, but because that’s not what I thought I felt. Because I wasn’t aware of my emotions.
     
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  3. Confoozed

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    When I knew I had been denying mine was only when I started addressing my sexuality or opening up to the idea/possibility. Only then did I realise I had been completely denying, albeit very subconsciously, feelings or even thoughts of that nature (this was because of growing up highly religious so it was not even seen as a possibility to me). Even if I had the feelings of attraction to the same sex or whatever it never led to me thinking it meant anything with regards to a change in my sexuality, it was completely out of question in other words. Maybe it was also immaturity and lack of knowledge(as I'd obviously not been exposed to it much) on the subject I don't know. So only now that I'm opening up to the possibility of same sex relations am I realising I had been denying it all the while...
     
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  4. Athexant

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    Identifying denial is very hard because psychologically, your subconscious mind thinks it's protecting you, even though denial and repression have a lot of negative impacts on your emotional well-being. Denial also manifests in different forms in different people. In my personal experience, I felt a lot of indifference and apathy towards sex and sexuality. I didn't feel any attraction - male or female - because my mind tried to protect itself from "unwanted" attraction by shutting off attraction entirely. When I began questioning my sexuality, I went from apathy to having a lot of anxiety. An alarm was going off in my mind because I was addressing something I thought I shouldn't think about. (I grew up in a Christian, conservative household). I was very nauseous all the time and lost ten pounds within a week or two, very rough time.

    In my opinion, if you're questioning your sexuality, you're starting to come out of denial (if there was any). Most people at some point or another fantasize about people of the same gender, whether that's kissing, sex, or something else. A little bit of questioning is normal, and a lot of people who question themselves end up identifying as straight. However, if the questioning persists, then there's more to the story. In order to combat denial, try fantasizing about people of your gender and of the opposite gender and see how your body reacts. Reading about other peoples' experiences and asking questions can help you figure things out as well.

    In the end, it's ultimately up to you to pinpoint your sexuality. You can choose not to wear a label at all (and many people don't), or you can choose to label yourself with any of the labels out there. Try some on, say it out loud, and see if you like the way it "fits." Also, these labels have return policies; you're not stuck with one forever. Sexuality is fluid to some degree, especially as we age and our hormones change. If you chose a label and realize later that it's not to your liking, then try picking a new one.

    I hope my rambling helped some.
     
    #4 Athexant, Jun 24, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2018
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