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Why am I still single

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Kieran2000, Jun 23, 2018.

  1. Kieran2000

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    I don't understand why I'm single I'm kind to people,I'm not mean,I treat them right,I try be perfect but I think it's cos I'm ugly
     
  2. quebec

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    Kieran2000.....Hello and welcome to empty closets. Don't be so hard on your self! First off, if your avatar picture is you then, dude, you are not ugly! Damn...I wish I was that ugly. Second, don't wish for a relationship....wish for a friendship with the right person, a friendship that could turn into a relationship. A bad relationship will cause a lot more pain than being single. Third, you're 17...(don't take that wrong :astonished:ld _smile: ), any relationship that you could have had before this would not have lasted very long. Any relationship that you have in the next few years will probably not last either. Oh, there are some people who marry their high school sweetheart, but not many and a lot of those don't last either. I don't mean to make it sound like there's no hope...I've been married 40 years next Sunday (long story there :old_big_grin: ). Be who you are and the right person will notice you...and you'll notice them!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. D Artagnan

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    @Kieran2000 I will echo what @quebec said. I really can't give you answers on why you're not in a relationship....but it definitely has nothing to do with your looks. I've struggled with the same issue as you are and I ended up wasting two years on a girl I should've walked away from the first time she played me. I don't know about the UK but here in the US it seems a lot of girls like 'the bad boys'. The girl I chased for two years was beaten up by two different boyfriends TWICE since I've known her. In the three years I've known her, she's dated five guys (including the two that beat her up) and every single one of them have been in jail and have been at least emotionally abusive towards her. When I asked her out, there was another guy she was already talking to and in the end she chose him. I had to listen to her cry about how mean he was to her and she ended up sharing a video with me that supposedly reminded her of me....Shawn Mendes-Treat You Better. She's dated three more guys since then and I've FINALLY smartened up and walked away from her because I realized that she will NEVER choose me and I'm not gonna stand by watching her loser after loser who's gonna treat her like crap. I wasted too much time on her and have now walked away. But I've found that a lot of girls in my area are into the 'bad boys'. This is why I started to believe that saying 'Nice guys finish last'

    I've found that trying to be in a relationship with guys....very few are looking for commitment or even monogamy. I feel like I'm one of the few people who believe in being with only person.

    With what's going on in the USA overall and what's going on in my personal life....I've lost faith in humanity. Wish I had answers for you and I apologize for ranting but like I said.....you don't have to worry about your looks and I wanted to share my experience in being a 'nice guy'.
     
  4. Regon23

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    You are beautiful, you just haven't found the right person yet. Until then, don't rush it. If you are constantly trying to find someone or constantly thinking about it, don't. When you find someone you truly like, you'll know.

    -Pan23
     
  5. Kieran2000

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    Thank you everyone but I am ugly and I'm sorry but I don't think my mind can be changed
     
  6. HM03

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    To be blunt, at 17 most guys are still in the closet. And those that aren't can be immature.
     
  7. quebec

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    Kieran2000..... Honestly you are not ugly. AND...it's not you that matters in a relationship! If the other person likes the way you look...that's what matters! :old_smile:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  8. tom1

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    Kieran. You are not ugly. I'm 14 and I have had a few people come to me but they aren't really my type. Are you sure you're looking in the right place?
     
  9. OnTheHighway

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    If you believe your ugly, maybe the problem is not with your actual physical appearance as others have said, but with your own “perception” of how you appear. And your own perception may very well be a byproduct of your own level of confidence and self esteem. Think about ways to challange yourself to boost your confidence and self esteem, and maybe, just maybe, you might find yourself becoming more attractive each time you walk by a mirror.

    Confidence is the key to unlocking your own improved self image. As others have said, you are very handsome!
     
    #9 OnTheHighway, Jul 1, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
  10. Denial

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    You're not ugly. Also, if you are relying on dating apps there aren't always a lot of decent people on them. You'll find someone. You look pretty young so you've got time.
     
  11. Mas0n

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    Well look at it this way!

    How many (openly) queer people do you know?
    How many of those people do you even like?
    How many of those people are you willing to date?

    I don't know about you, but as a 17 y/o, that number isn't going to be that large unless you're actively putting yourself out there. Which (on most dating apps) isn't allowed until you're 18!

    It sucks that it's harder to find someone to date as a teenager but the main issue isn't because you may or may not be ugly. Its likely because you're 17.
     
  12. Chip

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    Here's something you may not want to hear: If you perceive yourself as ugly (which, objectively speaking, you most certainly are not), then that's the energy you'll put out, and, quite frankly, people (well, healthy people at least) aren't attracted to people who have a poor and distorted self-image. So that's most likely why people aren't attracted to you.

    From Brené Brown's research, we know that you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself. And with this distorted self-perception, it's pretty clear you don't have a lot of self-love. So... the first thing is to start working on that part of yourself. You've got a bunch of people here who are telling you that your self-perception is distorted. So you can either throw away the collective wisdom of the people posting here... or you can begin to explore the idea that your own self-perception may be wrong.

    Once you begin to accept that the way you perceive yourself may not be the way others perceive you... then you can begin the process of learning to love yourself. It's not an instant, overnight thing. It takes time to erase years of distorted self-perception. And most likely that self-perception came from somewhere... lack of support from family members, or being bullied are common reasons why people develop these distorted perceptions. So learning where they come from, rejecting them, and beginning to build new, healthier self-perception is key.

    It's good that you're talking about this. I don't expect you to buy everything people are saying, but if you just open your mind to the possibility... then you are on the path. And once you begin to love yourself more, then people will sense that, and more people will be attracted to you.
     
  13. Calf

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    Kieran, did you ever see someone you didn't find instantly attractive but then somehow something changes over time? Maybe it's the way they made you laugh or something about their smile but whatever it was they suddenly became a secret crush.
    The thing is, like people have already said, when we find someone attractive it's more than just the physical features of their face. It's their personality, confidence, body language etc. At your age, these are qualities that you're still developing so you do have the power to make positive changes now. There are loads of ways to improve your confidence so it's just a case of finding what works for you.

    It is important though that you focus on being genuine and comfortable in your own way, not what you think people want you to be.

    So why are you single? Because you don't realise you're own worth.
    Until you do, it's probably better to keep things casual and be very careful with any potential partners. Don't 'settle' for someone because they're the first person to show an interest and keep clear of anyone that doesn't make you feel amazing about being you.