Please help me figure out a coworker situation

What a surprise, I'm back. :|

Just looking for a help figuring out a situation with a coworker. I should say ex-coworker, as I'm leaving for a new job and already worked my last shift with him on Monday. I'm gonna call him Justin, J for short. Justin was my supervisor, and the guy who hired me and trained me. I worked the front desk at a luxury car dealership.

We're both 24, he's a few months younger. These details are probably not important but Justin is a kinda hunky guy, 6' 3" or so and built but not ripped. Attractive face. I'm a smaller guy, 5' 10" and just average build. People say I'm handsome or cute here and there, but I feel that I'm average looking. I did have a little crush on him, but that's kind of ended and, hence, why I'm asking for advice with this situation--so I can move on fully.

Anyways, I got strange vibes from him since the beginning. During training--I'd be in the back office a lot on the computer while doing learning modules. A lot of times he'd come in and stand really close behind me, sometimes I'd feel him gently leaning against me. A few times, he brought little snacks. I passed this off as him maybe just being a big dude and possibly clumsy.

Once I started working out front, I noticed he continued to stand really close to me. Like, behind me. Other times, he'd stand next to me his arm slightly touching my shoulder. I passed this off as a potential intimidation technique--"I'm your boss." I've experience that before. What's really strange, though, is that whenever I'd ask him for help on the computer, he would put his hand over mine to use the mouse or lean his head down (5" height difference) and extremely close to mine to "see the computer" or something. Close enough to kiss, basically. This, I have not experience from anybody, unless it's someone I'm on a date with or dating.

Several times, while I'm resting my hand and arm across the desk, he would lean into it resting his stomach (not sure what area, but some part higher than his waist) against my arm--usually to grab something from the desk.

I got suspicious and started to watch him with other coworkers--guys and gals--and he seems to mind his space. Doesn't really seem clumsy.

And as far as the "intimidating" thing goes--I genuinely feel like we started to get along quite well. Working with him became enjoyable and our shifts started to line up (up until this Monday). We worked everyday together, almost. He makes the schedule. Anyways, he always laughs at my jokes. The good ones.. and I started throwing out terrible ones--always a laugh. Noticed also that whenever I had a bad day and was quiet, he'd leave me alone for a bit and then start to try and cheer me up. So, I stopped thinking he was trying to be "intimidating" and rather also had a thing for me.


Whenever we'd be able to get lunch together, he'd always sit right next to me. Even though the entire table is open. Always bumping into my feet as he sat down.

We had to wear a uniform. So a few times he offered to put on my tie.. adjusted my earpiece... fixed my collar or dusted me off. Never asked for any of this.

I have to admit, that about a month into working with him I stopped ignoring this stuff and tried to flirt back, as subtly and professionally as possible. So, again, continuing to joke around. Making small comments about people we had to deal with. He did the same. Also started sharing details about work goals, friends, family, some stuff we do outside of work. I also started returning his eye contact more (before I thought he was just checking to make sure my work was good). But, I noticed he'd keep my gaze. Or already be gazing at me. A few times I'd catch him looking... look back for a few seconds, look back and he'd still have bedroom eyes. During our start of shift meetings... I think I picked up that when it was just him and I, we'd honestly just gaze at each other the whole time. He'd cross his legs when I did, rocking around in the chair in sync with me... even stroking his leg as I did.

I also started to stand really close to him, shoulders touching or in front of him. Or, when passing off anything making sure our fingers would touch (he started this, tbh). This might be strange, but we had crappy breath mints supplied by work. I brought my own brand that I liked and always offered them to him. He would always clasp my hand a bit whenever I gave these--no matter if I was holding the whole thing or just the end of it. Also, a few times when pointing out things on his computer or paperwork, I'd brush my fingers past his or leave them touching for a while. Never at any point of this, did he move away or say anything along the lines of "no."

We also started changing right next to each other in the locker rooms.. talking and, again, still making solid eye contact... a few times we were on opposite shifts and we'd say "good night (name)." He'd always say "see you (next day we're working together)." Not just a general one, but with a time attached too (morning, evening). So I felt he knew my schedule (I mean, he makes it).. and remembered it.

Now, this whole thing stopped whenever another coworker was present. More serious, less joking. Way more to the point. Less eye contact.

I could probably talk endlessly about little things he did to me or I did to him... so I'll just stop here.

Apparently, to most other coworkers he comes off as aloof or uncaring. They say he ignores them, or forgets to put them on lunch or whatever. With me, he'd send me off on unasked for coffee breaks. Always asked when I wanted lunch, and got me on lunch exactly when I asked for it--regardless of how busy we are. He also apparently has a habit of forgetting to let people leave (there's a whole "check out" procedure). I was always out early or on the spot. I know things about him like how old his brother is and so on. One of my coworkers kinda freaked out during a meeting and was like "what? I didn't even know he had a brother."

Now, since I am getting ready to leave.. I wanted to tie up all loose ends. And, as our shift came to an end I said something along the lines of "you know, this might be the last time we work together.. I'll miss working with you." He kinda freaked out and pulled out the calendar, checking the schedule. He asked "you're gonna be back... right?" I said "maybe." My new job is gonna be like 3.5 weeks of training, and I did ask if I could continue on as part-time. But it's not likely. He knows all of this.

Anyways, it was really busy--lots of guests and coworkers around--and he asked me to give me the end-of-shift report in the back office. I found that unusual, since he'll just take it wherever usually. I took it as a chance to thank him privately for the opportunity working there and told him I appreciated everything. I then said "we're staying in touch right?" (I put in my intent to leave with him, and said we should stay in touch then). He agreed. I said I'd add him on Facebook, and he said sure. He put his hand out for a handshake, but I put my hands out for a hug. He hugged me right back. And I left.

I added him on Facebook the next day... and it's still pending today. I took this as a sign of misreading everything and possibly embarrassing and exposing the shit out of myself by hugging him.

We had another department meeting today. And I kind of ignored him--but kinda noticed him facing towards me from across the table. I felt like he kept trying to make eye contact or look at me. I was honestly annoyed and more than a little heartbroken and avoided meeting his eyes or smiling at him. All of us (coworkers) went on a little walk... and he kept walking right behind me or trying to cut in between me and another guy I was talking with. At this point, I noticed him kinda frowning at me or just looking a little annoyed with me... again, because he decided to stand right across from me in my line of sight. Then as we got back in the building he kicked the back of my foot while we walked through the door. It didn't hurt or anything.. it felt more like a "I'm here, behind you" thing.

That's it.

So I'm a little confused. Why the heck would a dude do all this stuff to me and let me flirt back if he has no plans on at least being Facebook friends. It's like he doesn't even want to be friends outside of work. So... what? Have I found myself another dbag who just likes attention?

Thanks. Like I said, I would like to move on from this. Because I literally have to (moving to another city) and it's not worth wasting time thinking about it. I was just hoping we'd be able to stay in contact outside of work, but whatever. :|

I honestly feel a little sick in my stomach writing about this.

 

Something I forgot to add is that, whenever we worked together he always stayed out in the front and manned the adjacent desk. My other coworkers have commented about how none of the supervisors--especially him--offer support, and usually just leave them out to dry for their entire 8 hour shift. On one of our last shifts, he even made a comment about how he wanted to take care of something really quick "so I can come back out, I'd rather be out here."

He also always apologized if he wasn't able to stay out and work with me.. or if he had to leave, however brief.

 

I guess. We were always a lot more chill around each other when it was just us working. Whenever another coworker was around us, it felt like he switched back to just being a coworker. But the minute they leave, the mood would lighten. His behavior was pretty consistent for 3 months, if anything I was the one that started being receptive and flirting back.

I'm bummed that we won't have a way to stay in touch once I leave the state.

Too late to get his number now, we won't work together again. Maybe he's waiting for there to be no chance for me to return before he accepts my request or something. The company he's at is the company he wants to work at forever, apparently, so if career is the reason.. I suppose I understand. But, still, I don't want to hold onto any hope and just be disappointed.

Yeah, the fixing each other's clothes thing became pretty common. I'd fix his pin without asking.. he'd dust me off, etc. I'm sad this all amounts to nothing.

It seems like I attract this sort of guy. Potentially closeted, or just attention-seeking.

 

I think stopping by just to talk to him would both come off as desperate and make it to obvious to other coworkers for him.

I feel he's just waiting for my new job to be confirmed or something. Since, if it doesn't work out, I'd return to the old workplace. Still an employee, as the time I'll spend at training was put in with him and the mgmt as a leave. He did ask if "I'd be back" in a manner that implied back to work when I mentioned that Monday could be our last shift. And he did seem to keep up the normal behavior during the meeting, despite me ignoring him. He seemed annoyed at the end, and I think me trying to avoid him is why he decided to follow me back into the meeting room and kick/nudge my foot. I dunno

Yes he knew, no he didn't.

 

I did test the waters a bit by making comments about attractive chicks walking by and he never reacted. Also, there was a specific instance where one of the senior managers made a "that woman is marriage material, don't you guys agree?" We both said nothing and kinda glanced at each other. The other guy seemed to feel awkward and said "ok..."

 

I'm in another state. I felt bad about being dismissive to him my last few days, and sent an email to him and my other manager. Thanking him for the opportunity and making my current path possible. Then also said something along the lines of "I'm sorry for being grumpy at work, I'm bad at good byes. I hope this isn't a final good bye."

Just he replied and he said thanks for emailing him. "We'll miss having you." And said he hopes I can visit soon. Maybe a bit generic, but it was to his work e-mail.

So I guess we're in touch. It's funny, but being away from him in another state, surrounded by new people, has given me a little more clarity and initiative.

 

So an update. I'm still out of state and in training. But I reached out to provide some information about my training, and seeing if I could continue to work part-time at the old work place. I said I would "love to be back." He replied and said he'd "love to have you back" and would check with the other coworkers to work something out.

Maybe I've a little too enthusiastic, but I think this is a good sign