Hello, I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm 33 and came out to my family about six months ago-- it's been quite difficult as I am in the military and married with children, so a lot of inertia had to be overcome to arrive at this point in my life. I struggled for a long time both inwardly and outwardly with my sexuality, as I thought it was something I would eventually outgrow or that I could maybe learn to cope with. I was frustrated as I knew that outwardly I had everything that a person could want (good job, wife, kid, house, etc) and should be more than happy with life-- but I was not. I was secretly miserable and becoming increasingly so. My family (pregnant wife and child at the time) weren't receiving the support they deserved and I realized that in order to take care of them I had to make a change. I grew up in the southeast, went to a military college, and joined the military at a young age-- all fulfilling lifelong dreams that just didn't seem compatible with being gay. I increasingly felt like my life didn't fit me, and the result was that I was often emotionally absent for the most important people in my life, which was terribly unfair to them. I still feel very out of place on both sides of the fence, as now I don't feel like I fit in as a gay person or a family man. Sorry for rambling a bit-- there is a good bit more to my story but I just wanted to reach out and introduce myself as I'm sure there are others in similar situations in the military and elsewhere. Thanks!
Welcome to Empty Closets! Thank you for your service as well. It was a very brave thing to do to come out to your family and especially in a military environment. I wish the best for you man.
Thanks I appreciate the kind words. It’s definitely a work in progress as things stabilize but I have no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do!
Thanks— I think the plan for now is to kinda let the dust settle and get used to the new normal. I’ve still got some baggage since I feel a good bit of guilt about what this whole thing has done to my family. Since I have two young children I also intend to be present for them (and to support their mother, who has been extremely supportive). I’ve been on a few dates, primarily with the intention of meeting people and building up some confidence, since this whole thing has been pretty jarring. All that said, I feel a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and my only regret is that I didn’t come to terms with this and come out a lot sooner!
That sounds like some journey, well good that you are moving on up to your true self. You seem well looking after those most affected which is your family of course but I hope you will all move on and hopefully together in the right way to sort things out for the best.
Thanks— I know I’m very fortunate all things considered and am optimistic that we can stay close friends and support each other as we work to separate. She’s been amazingly strong and supportive given what a shock this was; apparently no one saw it coming but me... she’s actually the one that recommended I check out this site, as it was recommended to her by Straight Spouses Network.
Welcome to EC! And thank you for your service. I think a lot of us who come out as gay/bi later in life have the issue of no longer feeling like we fit anywhere. Our old ways of defining ourselves are no longer totally applicable and we're still figuring out where we fit in our new reality. Congratulations on being honest with yourself and your family. And it's great that you are getting support. Enjoy the community here and let us know how it goes .
Definitely; at 33 I also find the older I get the less I seem to care what anyone else thinks haha... the types of people that wouldn’t be ok with being gay/bi/etc aren’t really people I would care to impress anyway
Ah- that is very moving. She sounds very special and I wish you all - all of you - the very best in all of this.
