Hey all! So about a year ago, I started coming to terms with the idea that I'm interested in girls as well as guys (I am a girl, by the way!) I've already told my family and a few friends back home and they seem to accept me, but my mother advised me not to tell the new Christian friends I made at university this year, as it isn't guaranteed that they - nor the rest of the university Christian Union - will accept this part of me, even if Christians my age tend to be more liberal. But I just want to be out to everyone! And for a while now, I’ve had this overwhelming urge that I need the world to know, and it’s something I’ve been trying to ignore. See, no matter how comfortable I feel with my new friends, most of whom say they‘re not exactly comfortable with homosexuality, I can’t help but feel that there’s this part of myself I’m hiding from them, even though I don’t fully express my sexuality to the friends that I am out to. (Because no matter how much I might want to do so, it’s something I’m still not comfortable with yet.) Since I came out to my family, I’ve told myself that I don’t intend to act upon my feelings for girls because I only really see myself marrying a man. But what if that’s not true? After all, I've never actually felt what it's like to be with a girl. Anyway, why should that be the reason for me not to tell people? My mother also made the argument that if I want my sexuality to be treated as something that is normal, why do I need to make a big deal out of announcing it to people? Surely, it would be better not to, and to just tell people if they ask, but how often does that happen? Especially when my friends assume I’m only into guys? Plus, there is something beautiful to me about the idea of pride, and declaring who I am without fear. I just feel like it's not an option for me. I love God, and my church and my friends dearly and I don’t want to lose either of them, but I’m worried that if I tell people and the information spreads, I’ll be alienated - especially from my church, whom I miss every time I’m away from university and couldn’t live without. It seems there’s only two choices for me, but neither one will allow me to keep my friends and allow me to be who I really am. See, there’s one half of me that knows I could keep going as I have been: pursuing guys and keeping this part of myself hidden. But the other, scarier half wants to dive in headlong and embrace all of who I am, and maybe make new friends who are okay with that person and want to encourage me to date girls and do all the things I could be doing right now, if only I didn’t love God and my friends so freaking much. I’m worried that if I choose the second option, I’ll have to turn away from all of that. And then I’m worried I’ll feel like a hypocrite for acting on my sexuality whilst still loving God. I’m just worried that I can’t have both, and I don’t know what to do, or which option is best, if either. So I'm sorry for the rant, but I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. As always, any simple thoughts or advice (or reassurance!) would be so appreciated. I love you all and thank you so much for reading this essay lol
clickitysplit.....Hello and welcome to empty closets. There are so many of us in the LGBTQ family that have had to deal with rejection from religious groups. Not just Christinas, but that's what we're talking about here. I am a gay Christian. I am on the board of Deacons at my church and I lead the Worship Service on Sunday mornings. WARNING...THIS WILL BE KIND OF LONG so I might have to post it as two separate messages. I'm going to look at this from two angles...here we go! The Church My church is a very conservative, evangelical Protestant Church. I have attended and been a member of this congregation for 38 years. I've held every office in the church and have preached on Sunday several times when the pastor was gone. And no....my church does not approve of the LGBTQ community. If it were known that I am gay, there would be problems. For a long time I was quite worried that if they found out it would be a real disaster. However, in about the last two years I have come to understand something important. "If every Christian LGBTQ person who goes to church were to leave, who would show to the people of that church that we are really no different than they are. Who would show them the Love of Jesus even when they claim that we are an abomination, an evil person who has chosen this perverted life style?" My wife and I have been married for 40 years on July 1st (I'm out to her). We have raised three sons in this church and one of them is now a pastor (I'm out to him). If I were to be asked a direct question by the church if I am gay, I would answer yes...OK, I would be nervous and sweating...but I would still say yes. I have accepted who I am and I am at peace with it. The problem would now become theirs. They would have to try to reconcile the person they have known for all these years, who has tirelessly worked in the church and raised a wonderful family (4 1/2 grandkids ) with their distorted, prejudiced image of a gay man. I think that the disaster would turn out to be their long, hard look at their attitude. I would probably mention to them that the Pharisees also thought they were more Godly than the poor people and Jesus called them "Whitened Sepulchers"...literally pretty tombs that contained rotten bones! So, I am not planning on coming out to anyone at my church, but if it happens, it will be far more their problem than mine. If some of my friends of 38 or more years turn their back on me, then it simply means that they have been lying for a long time...and that's a sin they will have to pay for. More in the next post! .....David
clickitysplit.....I hope I haven't bored you! I know that this is long...but I think a short answer, in this case, will almost be no answer at all. So to continue... Christianity...does the Bible condemn being LGBTQ? Ok, I will give you a short answer NO! But I will explain. Three and and half years ago I finally accepted that I am and always have been gay. After being out for four years in college, the death of my boyfriend sent me back into the closet for 42 years. When I did finally accept myself, I still had one major conflict...my faith. I had a terrible time reconciling what I knew was without a doubt true...that I was gay, with what I had been taught at church. I spent 41 years as a high school teacher...so my solution was an in-depth study of the subject. I had to know, for myself exactly what was true. I read quite a few books. The three most significant were: 1) "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines, 2) "Torn" by Justin Lee and 3) "Stranger At The Gate" by Mel White. These books really opened my eyes. As they were all written by people who had gone through exactly what I was dealing with, they really spoke to me. A big plus was the combination of a personal story with all the guilt and frustration that I was feeling coupled with an honest, straight forward analysis of the Bible. I also spent a great deal of time studying the passages in the Bible that are used to condemn the LGBTQ community. I didn't just read what others thought about this. I studied the passages in context and I went back to the original Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek. What I learned allowed me to finally reconcile my faith with my truth. NO WHERE DOES THE BIBLE CONDEMN SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS AS WE KNOW THEM. Same-sex relationships as we know them did not exist when the Bible was written. Sex between married men and women who were not their wives was common in the Greek-Roman world of that time. Sex between men and boys was also a common, accepted practice. Sex with both male and female temple prostitutes was a very common practice. A man raping another man was something that was used to humiliate a conquered foe. It was considered worse than death. The passages in the New Testament that speak about same-sex refer to the last two situations. The word "homosexuality" that you can find in some New Testament translations is a very recent change. The word itself was first coined in 1868. There is no word in biblical Greek or Hebrew that is equivalent to the English word homosexual. The 1946 Revised Standard Version (RSV) of the Bible was the first translation to use the word homosexual. There is actually a lot more to this than what I have written here...but I don't think you want to read a novel! If there are any questions that you have, that I can help with....please just post on my profile page and I'll do my best! I do hope all of this hasn't bored you to tears and I do so hope that you can find a way to keep both your friends and your church. .....David
If I may, I'd like to ask what denomination of christianity you're involved in. There are some branches which are far more accepting than, say, Catholics or Southern Baptists. I should know, I'm a member of one of them (the United Church of Christ). So while you will likely always find a bad apple or two in any church, not all churches are a completely rotten basket of them. As an additional thought, if your friends would reject you for being who you are, are they really your friends? If they wouldn't want to associate with you for your sexuality, that says a lot about their core character.
Hi David, thank you so much for your genuine and kind response - and don’t worry about the essay, I really enjoyed reading it and your knowledge is so welcomed (as are your hopes for my situation)! Your replies have definitely given me some perspective and even put me at ease a little. In return, I hope you continue to thrive both as an integral member of your church and as a father - and thank you for all the kind work you are doing for people like ourselves on Empty Closets. If I have any questions (and I’m sure I’ll think of some), then I will definitely be in touch. Thank you again, and God bless
Hi there! Thanks so much for your response; it’s definitely given me some things to consider. Since you ask (and for anyone else who happens upon this thread) I would consider both myself and my church to be of a Baptist/Evangelical denomination (in general, Protestant), but of more liberal - and less old-fashioned - beliefs. I think you may be right in regard to my church and that I should give them a chance to accept me. However, I do worry whether the ratio of good to “rotten” eggs in my church basket would be higher on the rotten than on the good. And of course, you’re right about my ChristIan friends; surely their love for all of God’s creations - and my evident love for Him - mean that they should accept as I am, regardless of our differing views on homosexuality. However, another obstacle for me is that six of them will be my housemates in September! So if things really take a turn for the worst, I’m worried at what might happen. Nevertheless, thanks so much for your thoughts and for giving me some perspective. Let’s hope and pray that God will find a way for me. God bless
clickitysplit.....Hey it sounds like you're making good decisions. It's always important to consider the result of coming out. Sometimes the need to be who you really are can be over-balanced by the need to be sure of your own safety, financial need or the people that you must work/live with. It's the old delayed-gratification decision. Choosing to postpone what you want for what you need in the now. Hang in there and keep us updated! We do care and want to help however we can. .....David
That's honestly what I have thought about too. I'm a bisexual Christian who went to a Christian school and was raised to believe the things that I feel now was shameful and wrong. I still feel like that now sometimes. I have considered that the best way to deal with it is to not think about it. To not let anyone know that I am a bisexual woman. I love all the things that God has put in my life. Since I had all these wonderful things (brains, two loving parents, a brother, and my pets) that I couldn't betray Him like that. Now, I am starting to realize that keeping this a secret will only hurt the people I love the most.
Hey there - I’m so sorry that you’ve found yourself in a similar situation. I hope you’ll read what the others have said above and maybe find some solace in the fact that, above all, God loves all of you. Part of me is starting to wonder if I would really be betraying God by living my life as openly bi, or if I’d just be betraying the so-called “beliefs” that modern Christianity has acquired about homosexuality over the centuries? Anyway, take it easy if that’s at all possible, and I hope we can grown in this together, and learn more! Just give me a message on my wall if you wanted to talk about it more. God bless
