So my mom seemed uncomfortable...

these are just some thoughts, but is it possible you are noticing this because during these scenes you become hyperaware of her responses? that is, maybe she's also looking at you/your sister weirdly throughout the rest of the show, but you don't notice it because you have no reason to be paying attention. i know that i do that with my mother whenever we watch something that has a lesbian scene in it: suddenly i'm extremely aware of every single movement she makes and i start interpreting everything she does differently.

if she is uncomfortable, i think it's very well possible that, like other people said, she just is uncomfortable because she hasn't seen anything like it before, or because she indeed suspects something. i wouldn't say knowing it in a sixth sense thing, but you might be tensing up during these scenes without being aware of it for example. in that case discomfort could also stem from the fact that you haven't yet dared to come out to her yet, which parents can really interpret in all sorts of ways: a lot of (accepting) parents feel guilty that apparently they did not create quite the trusting relationship with their kids they had hoped they did. that is not to say you should feel bad for not being out to her yet!!! i just mean there are a lot of thing that could be going through her head to cause apparent discomfort that is not 'love between two women is wrong'. if she really was uncomfortable because of that, why would she continue to want to watch it? the 100's same sex storyline is prominent enough for someone who doesn't tolerate f/f relationships to want to stop watching it, i'd say...

 

also:
if you're comfortable enough, maybe you could try bringing up the romance in a way that doesn't address her behaviour or out yourself? so maybe something like... you think what one character did for the other is so nice of her, or that all people should be as good to their partners as this specific character, or even that it's cool that lgbt rights have advanced enough for shows like this to be possible. you wouldn't have to relate it back to yourself: if you have gay uncles i don't think it's necessarily odd to be a lgbt advocate, even if she thinks you're straight. and it could perhaps lead to a not-too-deep conversation that will help you clear this up a little.

 

Hey it's perfectly natural to be so nervous. Being proud for other people is one thing and dealing with coming out yourself is totally another, you are on a journey and in time you will also have that pride in yourself but it just takes a while to get there. I found when first coming out the hardest people to tell were those closest to me at times. You only have one mum and therefore your brain naturally doesn't want to damage the relationship you have with her. Don't be too hard on yourself these are scary things. I guess the question is what do you want to do, do you want to try and say something to her about the show or would you like to come out to her or what?

 

Hey it's ok. If you don't want to there is no shame in that, you will know when the time is right. I mean it's always going to be a scary thing but I found in my mind it was like a set of scales, on one side was my fear of coming out and on the other was my need/desire to tell people. When I was first coming to terms with my sexuality, my fear was so great that side of the scales were firmly on the floor and my desire to come out was about 0 so that side was right up in the air. Eventually over time my desire to tell people became gradually greater and whilst my fear didn't disappear it lessened a little and then one day the scale tipped the other way slightly.
Doing it by letter is a great way, you don't have to do it in person. You should do it however you feel is best for you. If it helps I told my parents by text message.

 

You're absolutely not a hypocrite! Coming out can be incredibly scary, regardless of your situation. I live in one of the most accepting countries of the world, yet I'm still scared to come out and worried that it might change my relationships with other people for the worst... even in accepting places, we're still bombarded with stereotypes and very limited narratives, in society, in media, everywhere. when we care about people, the possibility of them being uncomfortable with your sexuality can be an enormous obstacle - even if that possibility is as little as 1% or even less! you don't have to come out yet if you don't dare to: you should come out for YOU, and if at the moment, like silverhalo said, the anxiety outweighs the desire to be out, it is completely okay to wait a little longer. it definitely doesn't make you a hypocrite, it just means you're putting you're putting your own well-being first in a situation where that SHOULD be your priority

 

This could really go both ways... on the one hand, if she thinks you're gay and you come out as bi, it might almost make her relieved because there's still hope you'll end up with a guy so it might go over a little easier. but the question is if you'd be happy with her seeing bisexuality as a "might still end up with a guy" solution. at the same time however, like you said, it could be a way to have her warm up to the idea of you not being straight, and make the shock that you're also attracted to women less great? Did she sound particularly negative or disapproving when she asked you if you weren't into him because he was a guy, or more neutral, or joking, or sad (sadness doesn't have to mean she won't be accepting, it can also be that she suspects something and feels sad that you haven't been able to talk to her about it - definitely not an uncommon response)?

Did you have plans to come out any time soon? I'm assuming not because you haven't mentioned it anywhere (but correct me if i'm wrong). If not, you could just make it clear that rejecting a guy doesn't have to make you gay at all, and stress that he simply isn't your type or that you'd just really prefer to stay friends/not risk the friendship or whatever? Rejecting a guy doesn't make you gay - if that was the case, wouldn't almost everyone at some point become a lesbian? (I once rejected a guy and once rejected a girl - what would that say about me?!) Depending on what you're like, you could even use excuses like wanting to focus on school first, or on improving yourself, or anything really before committing to a guy. I don't know, I'm really just thinking out loud Sometimes though... suspicions (unless they're hostile) can be very helpful when you do eventually come out. It just means they've already considering something so it comes as less of a shock. That doesn't mean you need to rush at all - just when the day comes, she won't be 100% overwhelmed

 

I feel you - I'm in exactly the same position (well, add in a divorce, but that's almost traditional where i'm from ). For me it's actually the main reason I haven't come out yet: I don't think my family would be homophobic beyond all the homophobic jokes they make but i've already diverted from the norm a lot and i can tell that just doesn't quite fit within their worldview... Anyway, don't really have any further advice, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this

 

Hmmm. Maybe your mom is like... "And what if my daughters were gay? Maybe Love4Ever, she dresses so gay recently. Oh today's youth is so much more bisexual than in my times" . I mean... some moms are... my mom is... wondering if people are gay in a gossiping with yourself kind of way, she has gay friends, it's a topic people talk about... so moms think about it. It may just be on her mind. Normal drama view of reality

If she knew, she may know exactly the way you know: by observation who you make big eyes to.

Well, about the update. If you tell your mom you're bi and she doesnmt believe you, then it's not your business to try and convince her to something that IS TRUE. I mean, it does hurt when a mom acts like that, but we have to have a bit of distance to our parents.

 

Hi Love4Ever. Based on your update, I think your mother suspected all along that you weren't straight, and that is why she acted oddly watching the lesbian love scenes. She may have been thinking about what you might be thinking, and whether she should bring up the topic... When you say she asked if the reason you want to remain friends with the guy is "because he's a guy", I read that as her asking you, pretty straight out, about your sexuality. I would guess that the reason she suggested that was the reason you only wanted to be friends is because she already thought you weren't straight (not because everyone who turns down a guy is gay). The good news is, it seems to me there's nothing in this thread to suggest she's not accepting. On the contrary, she seems to have tried to communicate to you that it's fine if you're gay. So is there any reason to think she's not perfectly happy with you being bi? Maybe, like a lot of people, she initially assumes most people are either straight or gay, but still understands bisexuality. Lastly, speaking as a kinda old person, just because people appear to have led a conventional life themselves, doesn't mean they're not internally open to lots of different ways of living. I realise here that you mention that your mother has certain expectations about what your life may look like, and I don't have the information about that. But remember that she seemed to be fine with the idea that you might be a lesbian. I understand that coming out is always scary, but I think your mother is likely to respond well - based on what you've said here - whenever you choose to bring the topic up with her. It sounds like it's a conversation she would like to have, and tried to initiate. She's not likely to be concerned that you shut down the conversation before, because anyone would understand that it's a difficult conversation to have. Good luck!