Do you ever really get over and forgive a cheating partner?

For me, if he cheated once i forgive him and i will tell him if you cheat me again we better forget each other and end the relationship. Better to talk with your partner and ask the reason why he cheated. I know its a hurtful feelings when a partner cheated you. Trust will be lessen. Just be strong and give time to your self. If you found again he cheated you better ignore him all the time. Its not your loss. Time to stand and move on.

 

It doesn't seem to me that you've forgiven your partner or even that you particularly want to forgive him. Instead you've just decided that you don't deserve or simply can't get better. To my way of thinking that's pretty much the worst of both worlds. I think there are people who could forgive cheating. I like to think I could, but as it's never happened to me (to my knowledge) I don't really know. But I do think those are the options: you forgive or you don't. I think you might be able to "accept it and just lock it away" if you broke up, but I don't think anyone would be able to do that with someone they actually staid with. As far as the whole idea that this is the norm in the gay community that certainly hasn't been my experience. Yes I have had some friends who have been cheated on and I've had some friends in open relationships--neither in my experience is particularly common--and while we're at it the two things are not related in any way, shape or form. If that's not what you want hold out for what you do want. Certainly hold out for a relationship that doesn't require you to turn yourself off to maintain it...

 

If you don’t trust your partner the relationship isn’t going to take you anywhere. I couldn’t trust my ex after something he did (no actual cheating was involved, but I couldn’t look at him the same after it).

You can most definitely trust someone else. Who’s to say your boyfriend won’t cheat again? No one here fully knows your situation, so in the end you’ll have to make the call. But generally, if someone cheated on me, it would be very difficult, if not impossible, to trust my partner the same again.

 

Could I forgive a cheating partner and get over it? No. I absolutely know I couldn't. Cheating is the biggest red line for me and once it's crossed there would be no turning back. Having said all of that, I do think it is possible for some people to forgive and repair a relationship after cheating, but it takes time and absolute commitment from both parties. Having read your post, it doesn't sound like your heart is in it anymore and maybe you need to accept that you are one of those people who just cannot forgive and get over it. If that is the case, it doesn't make you a bad person.

I don't think you should invalidate your own feelings with comments like:

If the result of the cheating is to make you feel bad or unworthy, you do need to ask yourself if the relationship (and your feelings about the relationship) was not irreparably damaged.

Is cheating the norm? No, not in my experience. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it's no more prevalent amongst gay couples than it is amongst straight couples.

Are open relationships the norm? Again, not as far as I'm aware. They do exist and I make absolutely no judgement about open relationships, because they do seem to work for some couples, by consent. However, an open relationship has to be agreed in advance and not after cheating has occurred, because open relationships require a very high degree of trust. Cheating only serves to demonstrate a lack of trust and I don't think you can move into an open arrangement after that.
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This.

I'm personally one of those people that was able to forgive cheating, but it was not like the scenario that you painted. I forgave him because he came clean right after he did it and that allowed me to trust that while he wasn't perfect I could still count on him being honest, which is all I have ever asked of a partner. I can get over the cheating part, but I cannot get over the lying and hiding which seems to be how you found out about the cheating.

I think right now you are half-assign this relationship. You have to decide whether you forgive him or move on. If you decide to forgive him then you guys both have to have an open conversation about your feelings. I would highly suggest you both go to couple therapy so you both can work on fixing what is broken.

I'm in an open relationship and I can tell you that yes consent is everything about open relationships. You need to be able to communicate about your feelings, be able to take care of each others needs, and be able to trust your partner to keep the agreement going. You are doing none of that and it sounds incredibly painful experience for you. You are belittling yourself and allowing this person to do anything he pleases without consequences.

Its time for you to make a decision

 

I think it depends on the type person you are. Some people can forgive and get over things, some people can forgive and not get over things, some don't care, and some can never forgive. I personally would say I'm the type to forgive, but not get over, therefore I probably would end things in the situation given because it wouldn't end well if it continued given the type person I am.

 

My partner of 3 years cheated on me, and I found out via Facebook. Our relationship ended because of that, but 9 months later she was back in my life.

At the time she came back, I gave myself two options: either this would be a rekindling/second chance or the closure I never got the first time.

Turns out, I can forgive someone for cheating, but I can't trust them. And for me, trust is the most important aspect of a relationship.