Honestly I just need to get my feelings out there, because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. There was this girl I liked who went to the same college as me. My crush on her was the thing that made me finally start realizing and accepting that I might be gay. I should mention, she is also gay. Even though I've had classes with her, and we share some mutual friends, I never made a move. Anyway, she graduated this spring, I still have a semester left, and even though I know we'll be in the same city still, I feel like it's time to accept that nothing's going to happen between us. It was really hard at first, because it was the first time I've had a crush on a girl where I knew that something could actually come of it, since I knew that she was gay. Also, she unknowingly has been a huge part of this realization for me. I've been proud of myself for the progress I've made in moving on from her and in accepting myself, even though I still struggle with both. I hate that so much of my newly found identity seems to be focused on her, which is why I think it's important for me to move on. I also hate that I'm whining about this girl on here when nothing even happened between us. One of our mutual friends is leaving our city and she's throwing a going away party and I think she may be there. I hate that I know she may be there because now I feel like I've lost all the progress I've made in getting over her. I'm so excited by the thought that she might be there, but even if she was, I know I'd be really anxious and not know what to do. Of course, I know if I saw her there, that would set me pretty far back in moving on from her as well. Moving on from her has been hard because I'm still at a point in this process of understanding my sexual orientation where I'm just confused. Knowing that I had a crush on her felt like the one solid piece of evidence I had that confirmed I am attracted to women. Now that I've been trying to get over her, I feel like that's gone, and it's left me more confused than ever. It's really tempting to stay hopeful and hold on to my feelings for her, especially now that I know I might see her. Sorry, I know it's a long post, I just wanted to express some of my thoughts since I'm not out to anybody and this has been really hard without being able to tell anyone.
What's the worst that could happen if you go up to her just to say "hey, we had some classes last school year, but we never talked. how's life?". Plus you guys do have that mutual friend in common so you could even bring that up. What makes me muster up the courage to tell my crushes i like them is picturing myself years from now full of regret. I'd rather take that risk now that regret it later. You really have nothing to lose. If you initiating conversation doesn't lead into a conversation and she's not really feeding the conversation, then it wasn't meant to be. Trust the universe. That's all we can trust tbh. Nothing is in our control
I think you should talk to her if you see her. Just tell her that you thought she was cool and you were always sorry you never got to know each other better. And then see what happens. Just putting yourself out there is the important thing.
Well the party ended up getting canceled so I guess I won’t be seeing her this weekend after all. but maybe I’ll run into her again at some point and finally get to talk to her
