Some people make the outrageous claim that bi people just want to sleep with everyone. Or that they just don’t want to come out as gay. Or that they’re just curious. Or that they’re making it up to seem cool. Some people have trouble accepting the b in lgbt. I don’t share any of these thoughts, but every now and then, when someone tells me they’re bi, I feel differently then when someone tells me they’re gay. I don’t get all biphobic about it, but it’s not the same instant connection. It wouldn’t be much different if someone told me they were straight. If you’re bi and reading this, could you shed a little light for me on what it’s like to be bisexual? Maybe some struggles you’ve faced, both in a heteronormative world and in the lgbt+ community. I just don’t want to be ignorant.
Why do you feel differently when someone tells you that they’re bi? Does it make you uncomfortable or something? I’m interested in knowing why you don’t feel the same ‘connection’ with a bi person as opposed to a gay person. Does part of you believe we aren’t genuine? What’s it like to be bi? Well, it’s a simple answer. I’m sexually/romantically attracted to both women and men. I have fantasies about women and men. I can date women and men. I develop crushes on women and men, and have done throughout all my life. Being bisexual awesome. Sure, some people don’t understand, but I don’t give a f*ck anymore. I love being bisexual. I feel attracted to ALL different kinds of people, both male and female, and I am learning to better accept that about myself. I might have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but that doesn’t suddenly make me gay or straight. Being bisexual is a beautiful and complex part of who I am. Identifying as bisexual makes me feel more like myself.
I love being bisexual! I love that I could fall in love with essentially anyone, which is pretty amazing if you think about it. It can be confusing sometimes and overwhelming, especially if my attractions are all over the place, but I love it. I do wonder though about the not feeling the same connection thing you experience. I feel this way sometimes and I think a lot of bi people do and that's because we've always to some extent have been made to feel like outsiders and it's hard not to internalize that. It seems like having any measure of opposite sex attraction is regarded with suspicion and disappointment from other queer people and why that is so I will never understand. We are treated like we're not really gay when in actuality we're not claiming to be gay, we're bisexual and that's different. But we do belong in the larger queer community.
It’s not that I don’t believe bi people aren’t genuine. My trans brother is bi.... maybe it’s because when he liked girls, he told people he was lesbian because he’s in a girls and now is with a guy, so it looked like he is a straight girl with a boyfriend and I feel alone again. He was the only person I knew for a long time who was in the same situation as me. The fact that he’s actually trans does complicate the matter. But because no one knows this, it seems “normal.” It’s not intended to be offensive. And I hate that I feel this way. I don’t really understand why. I’m trying to figure it out. Thank you for sharing.
Nah, I don't think there is the same difference between gay, bi, straight. Bi is half way, it is partially gay, partially straight. Or maybe both the the full degree, at the same time. I don't know, being bisexual has had little impact on my life so far. Until a point in time I was convinced that everyone is bisexual... Then I reaslised that not neccesarily. Most of my life I have acted straight by default. (I dated guys) I feel torn when it comes to being bi. It makes me feel torn. It’s difficult to be both gay and straight at the same time. If I wanted to date other girls, I’d have to commit time to it. Make an effort. Find the right girl. It takes being in a certain social circle. And so does being straight. Or maybe for me it does, I don’t like the guys in my profession as partners or friends. I have to go out of my way either way. And time and effort are limited resources. Wanting two things that exclude each other makes me feel conflicted.
Hi! I think it's great that you're taking steps to better understand bi people! That's what we need in our community - people who ask questions and try to learn rather than make assumptions, so kudos to you! Like the others, I love being bi! For me it means that I get romantically and sexually attracted to people of my gender (female) and other genders. I'm in a happy, monogamous relationship with a lesbian, and we've never had any issues due to our orientations being slightly different. I used to feel confused and uncertain where I belong in regards to community because as the others said, we're often met with suspicion in the queer community, which is stupid imo. I do not feel like I'm half gay, half straight - at all. For me, being bi is a different thing altogether. I will admit though that part of my reluctance to date guys (this was before I met my girlfriend) has/had a lot to do with being seen as straight - if I dated a guy I would seem straight and I'd probably face more rejection in the queer community. I feel a lot more valid and welcome in queer spaces now because I have a girlfriend. That's sad, in a way, because I was just as queer before I met her and I shouldn't need a partner to validate my queerness. I'm not "gayer" when I'm with a girl, and I'm not "straighter" when I'm with a guy. What might help with your feeling of being less connected to bi people is to think of the queer community as a whole. We're a community of people who are often perceived to be "different" from cis straight people, whether that's because of our sexual orientation or gender. Within the community we face different problems based on a whole lot of factors - for example depending on the country you're in, or your skin colour, or your age. We're still one community though - we all belong. I belong with the queer community because I'm queer - my attraction to guys has nothing to do with that. I feel "different" in a heteronormative, cis-centred society, because I'm not straight, not even "half". Some people think that we have it easier because we can just "choose" who to be with. People might think that if I was with a guy I'd get all the hetero-privileges and everything would be easy for me. That's ignoring the fact that I'd still be bi - and while people might stare less if I walked down the street holding hands with a guy, that would come at the cost of my identity being seen. My bisexuality would be even more invisible than it already is, because a lot of the time our orientation is read by people as either gay or straight, depending on who we're with, and it often feels like no one can see who we really are. Being with a girl means that at least people can see that I'm queer, which is true - if I was with a guy they'd just think I was straight, which is not true. I still love being bi though, and wouldn't change it if I could
