There’s a new girl who I work, and I think she might be gay or bi. I don’t know her well, so I could be wrong, but I’m just getting a vibe. She always turns to look at me and smiles literally every single time I happen to walk past. Never at work have I ever had someone glance at me so much. She holds eye contact with me for what feels like a little too long. She has also recently started making small conversations with me whenever there is a chance. Yesterday we were in the same area of the office, and she asked me about college and the shifts I do at work etc. I thought I’d be cool/calm, but I began blushing hard and going red. Once I was aware of that, I was distracted by it and didn’t even know what I was saying. I was starting to tell her why I was changing courses at college, but I feel like I explained myself terribly. I’m embarrassed and I hope she didn’t notice I was red. She probably thinks I’m so weird now. I wish I had’ve just kept my answer simple. The thing is, I don’t even find her that attractive. I’m actually not interested in dating her. It’s just that when I get a vibe that another girl might be gay or bi, I seem to just get nervous around them for some reason. Yet, like I said, she could be straight and maybe she’s just friendly (e.g. I see her talking to other staff members a lot). Ugh. Advice?
i definitely don’t think you made a fool of yourself! a lot of people are nervous when talking to a person they don’t know very well yet, regardless of the situation, and there’s a significant chance you felt like you were much more awkward than you actually were. she may not even have noticed - and even if she did, fat chance she already forgot about it and only remembers the topics of your convo these things can grow a lot bigger in our heads than they actually are! i understand how you feel though - i am the same whenever i meet people who could potentially be lgbt. i think for me it has to do with being closeted and being “new” to this: i feel like i’m exposing myself by being around people like me (because i normally never get to be) who might have an awesome gaydar and sense something about me, but also i just blowing the whole thing up unintentionally - i’m so excited about meeting someone who might be lgbt that my brain just turns it into a HUGE thing that i feel like i shouldn’t mess up (after all, when will i get another shot at befriending an lgbt person again?! i don’t really get to meet that many where i live!). i obviously can’t tell you what is the “cause” for you, but you’re definitely not alone in this. it makes sense to want to leave a good impression around people you have things in common with and it’s so easy for your unconscious to take that and throw every possible “what if?” at you, maybe even without you noticing, so that there is suddenly a LOT of pressure to, well, impress! the only solution, i suppose... is practice. exposure. and don’t be too hard on yourself for it, it happens, being angry at yourself for it is not going to change anything about it. try chatting with her next time you see her, i’m sure you didn’t scare her off or anything, at worst she might just think you’re shy but shyness is not at all considered a bad thing by everyone!
Omg, thank you for your reply! It made me feel better to know that someone else understands! You’re absolutely right. Maybe she forgot, because it looked like she was SUPER busy with work stuff and customers after our conversation. I’m probably making a huge deal out of it for no reason. What made me feel more off-balance is that she seemed really confident, whereas I’m the complete opposite (quiet, introverted etc). I’d started to explain to her why I was changing college courses, and she was questioning why and how I could be changing to something so different (I’m changing from Vet Science to Primary Teaching). Ugh. I feel like an idiot - she must think I’m so jumpy and all over the place. Anyway, I totally understand your feelings of nervousness with wanting to befriend another LGBTQ+ person - you’re right, it doesn’t happen that often, so it can feel kind of exciting when the chance does arise, and you put pressure on yourself! Thank you so much.
Majority people at some point of their life has made a fool of themselves; I’m definitely guilty of that myself. What happened to you is very normal, and something I’ve done myself. It’s about the “first impression”, and talking to someone who was gay/bi put you off balance. You’ll find that in time this won’t happen as much or at all in the near future. Cheers!
I totally relate to this. I get embarrassed too around people who I think might be into me possibly even if I am not into them. It's kinda a natural response for me. The one thing I've noticed though is blunders we feel are painfully obvious usually aren't to other people.We're way harder on ourselves.
