Hi! So it took me some time to write abt my problem but here we go. I can't figure out my gender identity. I am very sure I can't identify as my assigned gender, but I'm still not sure what i have going on in terms of my gender. I originally thought i was gender-fluid, but i rejected that idea years ago. I after that i identified as genderqueer, for me that meant neither male or female. Then around january i started questioning my gender again, and came to the conclusion that i'm binary-trans, so transmasc However recently that has been feeling weird/wrong to me too. I mean, occasionally it does. Sometimes i feel 100% certainly male, but sometimes it just doesn't feel right? The idea of identifying as gender-fluid or genderqueer feels wrong tome too, so i'm kinda stuck here. I have reflected on this thoroughly, but i still couldn't figure it out. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas regarding this? thanks in advance
What is it that made you feel as though you're trans in the first place? Was it that you like to dress in a more masculine way occasionally? The way your body makes you feel? What specifics made you believe that you're not cis or gender nonconforming?
Hey @ravingclaw ! Gender and sexuality are rather fluid concepts, so our perceptions and feelings about how we identify can vary over time. Sometimes, finding a label that fits can be hard, and that's ok. If none of the labels you've come across resonate with you, it doesn't make your feelings and experiences any less real or important. It's fine to be questioning, to be trying out a label, or to go completely label-less. Do what feels right to you! You may find yourself out of your comfort zone at first, but a little discovering can help a lot. Hope this helps! Whatever you choose, we'll be here to support you every step of the way. (Love your username by the way! Go Ravenclaw!!)
Hey you two! thx for your replies! Well, i guess it started with the me not feeling "home" in the idea of identifying as female, basically. I also hate hearing people describing me with traditionally feminine gendered words/redwing to me w she pronouns , etc. I don't "fully" fit into the feminine gender norm either, although i'm pretty much neither really masculine nor really feminine as a person i guess. Ive certainly had experiences with my body that i explained with body dysphoria in the past, but that's a thing where i'm a bit more sceptical at the moment bc while i do in theory like the idea of having a masculine body, the idea of physically transitioning has been feeling weird to me recently. Thx for reminding me of that! I think the whole idea of not having a label is really unsettling for me personally bc i like the sense of community and belonging i get from applying them to me, so i guess i forget to be compassionate to myself about this situation. (Thx!! )
i'd rather not have my family know abt this for now, but i talked to people irl who were very helpful. one thing i needed to hear was that labels are not an ultimate commitment. i was so afraid that i might not feel that trans male is the right label for me anymore and that people wouldn't take me seriously bc of that. but i came to accept that in my current situation it is what feels right to me so it's what i have to go woth for now. maybe that's a thought that would help you too
Some good comment here, so I wish you well RC. Speaking to a therapist / counsellor can help a lot. It helped me. So I am genderfluid but I chose to 'read' that like I am a transwoman. (MTF) I mean that is the closest thing that works with me. Not a perfect label but the closest = plus I am certainly fluid. But on woman days, boy (girl!), am I womanly! It is a funny old life..
I'd love to talk to a professional, like a gender therapist or sth, but i don't think i can afford it rn. :-/
what ever you decide you are you and I support you as a person Thanks for sharing this. I am thinking of you. Trevin Michael
I understand how that feels. Living with that feeling isn't fun, but I know that one day it will disappear because I will know who I am.
When you can afford it, or can find a subsidised service (health? church?) or alternative/equivalent for talking therapy then go for it.
Thank you very much!!!! This! Once again an important thing to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing!! I found a place, idk what it's called. They seem to be really nice thanks again!
I started questioning my gender about 2 years ago, but I told myself that since I didn't feel male (ie like male pronouns, semi-fine with private part), that I couldn't be trans* since non-binary people weren't "real" to many people of (my) society, even within my family. So I just pushed it off until I had a lot of dysphoria again, and realized that I couldn't live being seen as female. I was thinking demiguy/demiboy, but then I still felt in tune with my female identity. Then I found the label androgyne, and it made sense to me, as I feel a mix of male and female at the same time. Anyways, recently I was questioning again, but then I figured out it was because I was telling myself that I wanted an androgynous gender expression, and in reality, I wanted a masculine expression, and this was confusing me, making me think I was male. Plus, a lot of the time I have doubts about being non-binary, as I am worried about what society thinks about it. I have accepted that I am a non-binary trans* (male/masc) person. The point of what I'm trying to say is that finding your identity takes time. You may not have a specific label or anything, but a general one like being trans*, as you said you feel that you are not the same gender assigned at birth, as an example. Also, keep in mind that gender expression =/= identity, so that can confuse you too (it did for me). And society may make you confused too, as you are trying to fit in a box that they pressure you into, but not everything can fit nicely in a box. Are you able to try different pronouns, a different name, a hair cut, as some examples? I'm sure you may have already tried this, but I have found that this helps me too. Like, now, every time my name is said, I can picture the spelling of my name and I feel a few seconds of joy, or euphoria. Gender isn't always about dysphoria, but also can be able euphoria. I support you no matter what you decide, and I hope you can figure it out. Sorry for the long post.
Ok can i just say that i'm very grateful for all of your replies? I really appreciate your insights and i wanted to once again thank y'all for sharing!! Don't apologise! i appreciate it! I can relate to that. i have a lot of internalised transphobia and stuff. And i do that too every now and then! It really helps!
