I don't know what to do...

Hey, not sure I can really offer any advice but it sounds like you have lots going on right now and all these things are nagging away at you and you just get to the point where you want to explode or scream. Only you can really decide what happens next, I know it’s scary but I think you need to do something so you know you are moving in the right direction or you will get stuck and feel like this again.

Do you think you can talk more to your partner re how your feeling re the relationship as it will benefit him too in the long run. Hugs

 

Agree totally with Lia you need to be honest with your partner. It is the only fair and honest way to handle it. The sooner you do, the sooner you will start on the path towards resolution of your situation not to mention you will feel much better. It is liberating. Good luck.

 

Sounds a lot like you are going through depression which means getting some help from people around you is instrumental to get through this.

Do you have a friend or a family member that you can talk to? If you need space away from your spouse, we all do, then make it happen. Maybe you have a friend that will let you simply be at their house and hang out with them the whole day? Hell if one of my friends said "I need space. Mind if I go hang out at your house and be a lone for a bit?" then of course I would say yes.

You might also want to think about telling your partner that you are going through this and that you need space. Even just being left alone in the room for a day can be helpful.

Things that help me get out of my depression. Each person is different so you have to find the things that work for you

• Go out for a daily walk whether I want to or not. Doesn't matter how long, as long as I get out of the house for some time. Can be 5 minutes to an hour. Whatever feels right for you.
• Meditate. If you want to be alone and do nothing then meditate. There are some great apps out there that can help you meditate if you haven't before.
• Talk about it. Tell everyone you trust you are going through it and that you need help. Whether is to babysit, make food, keep you company, give you space, etc. Ask people for what you need
• Give yourself small goals. If you just do one task a day that can be a success, but keep challenging yourself everyday.

 

@LostInDaydreams, I really, really think you need to confront the situation. If you are a lesbian, that is not going to change. He's obviously has to have a sense things are bad. If he has an understanding of what the limits of your relationship can be going forward, you guys may be able to build a platonic workable relationship for your family, which should you both find other partners, you will still be family as long as your daughter is in the picture.

 

I agree wholeheartedly. It is painful to face the facts. And it really will not be easy going forward - as I am finding. But it is still better to own the truth of your feelings. You will then begin to find peace with them.

 

Hey, so sorry to hear you are feeling so uncomfortable next to your partner..
Do you feel it is related to your orientation only, or is it related to him as an individual?
In other words, could this be a relationship winding down? Is there serious lack of attraction?
When you are feeling so down and helpless, it is understandable not to be willing to do things you've done before. The question is, do you not want to do these things because of sadness, or because they involve him?
I know how you feel, sort of. And, making drastic decision would not be easy for me without some big push/turning point.
Maybe there is the right time to make decisions, and maybe there is not enough for you to go by yet?

 

Honestly you sound depressed and that's the thing with depression, it creeps up on you and by the time it's bad enough to know what it is you are so depressed you don't have the energy and motivation to take steps to deal with it.
I do agree with the others I think you just need to have a completely honest conversation with your partner about where you are at, I mean how much worse can it get if you are feeling like this? Also if he is making plans for September then it's best to get everything out in the open so that you can both make a plan that will work, rather than him making plans to commit to 3 years or so at uni which may rely on you being around. I know the thought of the conversation is terrifying but I actually think it may lift some of the weight off you.

Hugs I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time.

 

You posted a thread on here about a month ago asking for advice about separation and you mentioned many of the same issues that you have highlighted in this thread. I think you really need to listen to that inner voice of unhappiness and respond to it. Will it be difficult and daunting? Yes, it will, without a doubt, but it sounds like the status quo is no less difficult and daunting for you.

Sometimes, we need to know when to act and I think now is that time. Waiting for the optimum time to make a difficult decision is often nothing more than a waiting game with overwhelming consequences.

As I said in my previous response, you don't have to have everything in the open right now, but I do think you know what you need to do.

 

@LostInDaydreams many of here know the difficulties in your situation, we have lived through similar events. Nobody thinks you are in an easy spot. The internal truth doesn't change, and therefore neither do the external complications .

 

Sometimes I think things just reach a tipping point. Sounds like you have reached that place in your relationship.

 

I don't think the situation you are living in has changed as such it's just that you are no longer prepared to be treated that way. Sometimes the thing that tips you over the edge isn't the worst thing it is just the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

I think it is like when you buy something new and it comes in a box, it doesn't matter how carefully you take it out the box and try and remember how it was, it never goes back in the way it came out.

 

Hi LostInDaydreams! You don't know me, but I've read and admired a lot of your posts supporting other people. I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. It does sound like you're depressed. I was going to suggest that it's possible that this is not all about your sexuality, nor that the solution is to broach that with your partner right now.

I think the key issue is how you're feeling at present. Can you talk to your partner about that (surely he's picked up on your distress...)? Might he be supportive? Where else can you find some support and help for how you're feeling? What would make your life better right now? Smurf has given better advice than I could about things you might do to begin to feel better.

You ask whether your partner's constant presence could be exacerbating things. From my own experience, I'd say it's possible. I need space to myself (I'm an introvert), and my husband's presence can prevent me relaxing completely even though we get on well. Anyone else's presence is constraining. Sometimes my partner might criticise how I choose to relax, for example by being on the internet. So I need space to myself to decompress properly. I think it would be reasonable to say to your partner, "I need some time to myself to relax fully" or "I'd like to go out for a walk on my own and listen to music rather than talk to anyone", without going into any deeper issues.

Secondly, I recall that your partner has treated you badly (for example criticising you to your daughter), so that surely makes having him round all the time more stressful. If you had the energy, you could say something about this, but I am inclined to agree with you that this may not be the right time, when you are depressed.

In the longer term, of course there are other conversations to be had. Maybe you are unhappy because you don't see the way forward on that, but could it be enough if you were to give yourself permission to say, "for now I will focus on my wellbeing and happiness within the context that I am in, and when the time is right, and I have the strength, I will act on the bigger changes that may need to happen.."? That might not be very far in the future, but might not need to be this week or month.

I hope you are feeling better already, or will be soon.

 

Ding ding ding.....you may have said or responded to things that gave him clues. He may also be feeling rejected and started adding things together. Just saying. Good luck sweetie.

 

Possibly. But then maybe he is testing the water by mentioning the future to see what you will say.