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Dual enr. course reg. help - urgent, due this week, please read for details!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ErickWolf, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. ErickWolf

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    I'm gonna be a HS senior next year. I signed up for a dual enrollment English course (honestly, the only reason I'm taking it instead of AP English is because the teachers for DE English are all nice and great, while there's one nasty, bitchy, generally awful one that I might've risked getting, had I signed up for regular or AP, but knowing what I've heard about her from several different trusted people, I don't want to risk getting her as my teacher, so I'd say my reason is pretty good. She doesn't like LGBT people and if she gave me crap, sure, the school and/or my parents would do something about it, but it might also force me out of the closet, which is not happening too soon if I can help it.)

    So it's dual enrollment with NOVA (it doesn't mean you have to go there or anything, it just gives you guaranteed college credit, I think, since some stupid weird colleges apparently don't accept AP credit for some reason, and I think that's the only difference between DE and AP?. I think it keeps the credit with NOVA if you attend there, or if you go somewhere else, they'll transfer the class credit to wherever you're going, and since I'm going in-state to a public college, this shouldn't be an issue in case they don't transfer credit to out of state colleges and/or private colleges).

    I haven't filled out the forms yet, since I'd like to hopefully get this clarified before I do, but the forms are due this week, so I need to hurry up and get them done. So they ask for things like full legal name (idk what will happen with that when I get my name changed this year). But a more urgent issue is that they ask for your gender identity. The problem is, you have to have a parent signature if you're under 18...and of course the forms are due this week, not at the beginning of August when I turn 18. So close yet so far.

    I need to know if I can go back and change it later in my NOVA account. I assume I can, and I assume without a parent's signature or anything like that, and if anything, I'll just wait till I turn 18, then log in and change it, if I'm able to and it's safe to do so? Now I think there's also hopefully an option that says 'prefer not to say' or 'not indicated', which is better than female but safer than male. I don't even know if my dad will read all the stuff I put in but knowing him, he probably will (to make sure I didn't make any mistakes; he's not ocd or mean or anything, he just wants to make sure I have everything filled out right on important things like this; no typos or accidentally skipped sections or whatever).

    If anyone can offer any sort of help or advice on this, PLEASE do. This stuff is due in a day or two, I think, so I definitely don't have time to spare.

    If I have to force myself to lie on this, I suppose I could get it worked out when I get to college, and explain my situation and why I did. By asking gender identity and preferred name, they're taking a step in the right direction, but it's sucky and ironic and kinda counterintuitive that a parent has to sign the form (luckily not on the same page but still, there's a risk that they'd read it). I suppose they're legally required to have a parent sign things for anyone under 18, but still. I know it's probably not that specific college's decision but it sucks.

    Preferred-name-wise, I won't be putting Erick yet, I'm not that bold/...stupid, I'll put a nickname instead - in my Russian class, we all got Russian names for fun and for cultural immersion, and mine is Zhenya, which can be used as either a male or female name. I somehow miraculously ended up with a name that I like and that works perfectly in my favor, so I'll be putting that as my preferred name, probably, and that's what I'll be getting it legally changed to.
     
  2. i am just me

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    Hi Erick,
    do you think you feel comfortable calling the people who manage the applications? I guess when you explain your situation to them beforhand, they're the ones who can advise you best. They will propably also be able to tell you if you can change your gender identity and preferred name on the website later on.
    Regarding your preferred name, why don't you want to change it to Erick yet? It seems a bit complicated to legally change your name twice, if you know you'll be going by Erick eventually. But I might have also misunderstood that paragraph. Are you sure yet if you want to go by Erick or Zhenya on the long run?
     
  3. ErickWolf

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    I could maybe email them. I'm sure I'll most likely be able to change it later on (or certainly eventually). I just don't want to have lie the first time on it; it makes me almost physically cringe every time I have to do that (AP exams, which only ask for full legal name and legal sex - no preferred name, no gender identity - make me cringe and probably elevate my heart rate ridiculously whenever I have to fill out their stupid forms, so at least NOVA is going in the right direction, but the parent signature thing might force me to lie. I really don't want to have to do that, since it's totally wrong and feels wrong, but I guess some consolation is that it's one of the last times I'll ever have to lie about crap like that, knock on wood).

    I didn't clarify much on the name situation, sorry bout that, lol.

    And I like both names but my legal name, eventually, will be Erick. But for now I'm changing my name to Zhenya, for a number of reasons. It's at least not my birth name, it's not necessarily a female name (it can either be used for guys or girls, so I can be satisfied with a name that is appropriate for me, yet I can get it past them and they'll have no idea, ha) - my parents will think nothing of it, and they like the name since it's unique and I'm very close to my Russian class, and it suits me. And while I'm not out to them and don't plan to come out to them till college or after, they understand that I want a different name besides my birth name.

    It also provides a perfect 'transition/in-between' name - 'female' to my parents or to people I'm not out to, so they'll have no idea what the *specific* reasons are for my name change and suspect nothing, and so I can get it changed sooner and finally have a name I like. While it's not Erick, it's a male name and a name I like, and it suits me. At the same time, it'll also work absolutely perfectly for the 'in between' situation of being out to most but not all, and for legal and medical stuff (I won't have to cringe and feel horrible every time I, or anyone else, sees/reads/says a female birth name. It'l feel great to, for the years to come until I change it to Erick (since I'm 99.9% sure I'll still want to change it to Erick), be free of my birth name and also have a name I like. This name can also function as a sort of safety net and give me some flexibility - if I'm not out to someone, the name really doesn't scream either 'male!' or 'female!', so there's that, but I can explain it to people who I am out to so they're in on the clever secret. At the same time, the people who I can't be out to yet probably won't bat an eye at it, and if they do, with the 'either gender name' explanation, I can clear that up and shove the issue under the rug, if necessary. And when I'm finally able to fully, medically transition, I can either keep this name or change it to Erick, whichever ends up suiting me. It's so perfect. Once I get it changed there'll be no awkward moments and no rush to change it. Sorry for bragging or sounding like it; it's pure luck, I think, that I got that name picked for me in class, but it worked out so perfectly and I still can't believe it, lol. And if I was Russian and had been named Zhenya at birth, I'd never need to change it since it works for any gender, so nobody will think anything of it. Then when (or if, but prolly when) I get it changed to Erick, it also won't be such a radical change (and again, there won't be any horrible awkward in-between stages, or cringeworthy moments, or rush to change my name at a certain stage of my transition. And the legal name change should be done by the time I move out and go to college, so in a way, one of the 'chains', so to speak, will be off of me by then, and I'll be that much further along on part of my transition before I even move out, so I'll jump at the opportunity I have). And Zhenya can always be a nickname, just like for every cis person in my Russian class.
     
    #3 ErickWolf, Jun 13, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2018
  4. ErickWolf

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    Update: Also, I found this just now:

    https://www.nvcc.edu/novaconnect/students/_docs/applyforadmission.pdf

    The good news is that I won't be going to NOVA. But I really hope the name thing doesn't apply to other colleges. I'm not the only one with this situation, so someone has to understand somewhere, and there has to be some way to get your name changed in their documents due to extenuating circumstances...
     
    #4 ErickWolf, Jun 13, 2018
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  5. Flynn S

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    If this problem comes up again, would you be able to leave a particular part blank, get it signed, then fill it in afterwards?
    I completely agree. I've done that 15 times (30 if you're counting FRQs) in the last two years and I still can't stand it.

    It's usually pretty easy to change your preferred name with a college/university. I think most do it through an online platform.
     
  6. ErickWolf

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    Idk honestly. The problem is, if he proofreads it for typos or whatever (and I might not be able to get around that, especially not without him getting suspicious if I'm too adamant about him not proofreading it), it'd just draw attention to the gender thing.

    Yeah. Ew. I hate it.

    That's good. I know for the college I want to go to, they're supposed to be very inclusive and LGBT-friendly, especially when it comes to trans people (names and pronouns). They have a policy where people are obligated to call you by the name and pronouns you tell them to, and I think they have some kind of thing where they can get your preferred name put on certain documents where it's legal to do so. So I hope tonight's not like, 'the end of the world' with one stupid form for a college I won't even be attending.

    I just don't know how most of this stuff works so I'm pretty hesitant to put anything on my forms that isn't true, especially if I'll have trouble changing it later on (tho I assume that while the class credit will be transferred to the college I'll attend, any name change policies will not, and if it comes down to it, I'll take the class again at the college I'll be going to, under the correct name and gender, if necessary). The problem is, I'm also hesitant to do anything that might out me to my parents. I'm probably just being overly paranoid and thinking the worst, but imo it's hard not to do that when you're in the closet.

    Well thanks for the replies, everybody, but in an hour or so we might be seeing how this goes since I'll be filling out the form and dad will probably be signing it. I'm not out to either of them, but the difference is, mom won't proofread like he would. Also, regardless of who signs it, I guess I'll have to cross the name change bridge when I get to it. It just sucks that stuff like this is a problem. This society is bleh sometimes, for a lot of reasons.
     
    #6 ErickWolf, Jun 13, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2018
  7. Flynn S

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    (If my reply isn't too late...)
    Is the gender option a box that you check? If so, you could intentionally leave it blank and if someone proofreading it happens to find that it is blank, you could just pretend it was an accident - 'oh, was I supposed to fill that in?' or 'oh, shoot, forgot that one.' Then fill it in with a pencil and erase it later or use a pen and make a light, small mark that you can scratch out later and select the correct one. Maybe it will go unnoticed and you won't have to do any of that at all.

    If you don't mind me asking, is your first choice college William & Mary?
     
  8. Secrets5

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    Perhaps ask your parents to sign it before you fill it in? Say you "have caught them" at a good moment to sign it and you can fill it in yourself later.
     
  9. ErickWolf

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    I also forgot to say it's online, not on paper, but luckily it didn't matter. I answered 'prefer not to say' for gender identity, as well as all the race-related questions so as not to draw attention to the gender box, but nobody proofread it anyway and there was no parent signature requirement for dual enrollment students. Thanks anyway y'all, but luckily it turned out to not even be an issue. Also, yeah, W&M is my first choice college, mainly because of their inclusive policies (I also took academics and sports and everything else into consideration and I just generally love their college and really want to go there).
     
  10. Mihael

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    Of course you can change your name later and transition socially while in college, you stupid :wink: It's extremely easy. Universities are very accomodating.
     
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