struggling to understand what coming out ti yourself means

It just means accepting who you are. Meeting people is never easy (seriously I think my "gaydar" is broken at the moment!).
A strange truism is that when you stop looking so hard is when you meet someone...weird but oddly true!
Are there any venues, pubs or groups near you you can join?
Even an art class will ensue you meet other people and one of those people may be cute and gay or know someone who is! The wider your circle of acquaintances the higher the chance of meeting someone.
Forums are also good for this..but be careful if meeting someone online in real life.

 

I think it just means not lying to yourself. For some people that is harder than others because some people were raised to think being attracted to the same sex is wrong. I didn't really have a hard time accepting myself. Other then a brief stint of panic a while ago I got over it and now realize it was silly to be afraid of something perfectly normal. I am actually super proud to be bi now.

 

I also lucky enough though to have a very supportive family, and to have several gay relatives. I am not out but I know when I am I'll be accepted.

 

Hi love4ever i was wondering how old are you? Im so new to all these feelings and im not sure how i feel myself can i ask you a few questions ? Nothing dodgy lol just if you are free to talk x

 

Sure! I'd be happy to help. We can continue to talk here or you can post on my wall if you would like. I'm 21.

 

Hey I think potentially coming out to yourself has a slightly different meaning for everyone depending on their journey but everyone's will have similarities. I think for me coming out to myself involved realising my attraction to women, not pushing it away but accepting it and learning about that part of myself. It's ok for it to take time and for you to be confused during the process. I think everyone will have been at some point.

 

It might be because im feeling a bit stressed but im struggling to navigate this site, il message tomorrow at some point thank you x

 

No prob. I wasn't good at the wall posting thing either at first. If you prefer we can just talk on this thread. Or if you want to try to post on the wall ,just click on my username and it will pop up a little window of my profile, and then if you click the username again it will take you straight to my wall.

 

Have you always known you were gay or bi? You mentioned like a panic feeling a while wjat was that like. I kinda feel like im in a constant state of some kinda panic regarding this situation. I think half my family would be supportive but i think the other half wouldnt x

 

Well, honestly that was just me panicking because I wasn't sure I was ready to tel them yet. My parents have honestly been hinting for a while now that they would be fine with it. I have gay family members so this would not be anything new for them. I can't tell sometimes though if they actually think I'm queer or they are just being supportive anyway. I guess it doesn't matter as long as they're okay with it. Lately my dad has been saying if I have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and my mom has pretty much outright asked me my sexuality but I was too chicken to answer so I avoided the question. I know they would accept me I just haven't found the right time. As for how I knew, well I honestly didn't know, and part of that made me nervous at first, that my parents wouldn't know or guess though those fears have mostly been put to rest now. I could have lived as straight probably and never thought or known about my sexuality if I had wanted to, but I was honestly curious, so I basically found out over a long period of time, thought, and change. That's essentially how I got to where I am and sometimes I look back and am not quite sure how this all fell into place, particularly this year, but it did and I wouldn't change any of it.

 

What makes you think some of your family will not accept you? Will your closest family accept you? What about extended family or friends? Obviously, if you want to come out you should feel safe about doing so. Do you have anyone you trust you could tell? Oh, and do you identify as gay or bi? I wasn't sure if you mentioned it in another post since it's not in your avatar.

 

Well my mum died suddenly 2 yrs ago and my dad is an addict. I dont see him very often. I dont think he would understand really. I want a relationship with him but Its hard. I dont live at home. My close family is my auntie and her daughter. I think theres a good chance they might understand although my aunt is elderly and from a totally different generation. The other side of the family ive only just met recently (my dads side) i dont know them well but happy to have them in my life. I dont want that to change.

 

Also my current living situation is im living with my boyfriend of 5 years. I identify as straight well have all my life until i met a female that made me question that. Ive not shared these feeling with him or any of my friends. I told the female i liked. Shea the only one who knows x

 

I see. That does complicate things. Are you still in love with your boyfriend? I would maybe consider opening up to your aunt if you think she will understand. Also have you told your boyfriend about your feelings?

 

Hey I know you weren't really talking to me but I hope you don't mind me butting in. I am sorry about your situation it is a little more complicated than most. I think it is important to remember just to take it one step at a time and that you are in control, nothing has to happen unless you want it to. If you don't want to tell anyone that's fine, if you want to tell one or two people that is also fine.
I think Love4Ever made a really good point when she asked about how you feel about your boyfriend, that is probably one of your first things to consider.
Everyone here is super supportive and friendly, dont be afraid to talk to people and ask questions, im sure we can help you figure it out.

 

My aunt is in her 70s and im sure she would listen but isnt very good at talking about feelings, i love my boyfriend but i not sure if im in love with him? Can i be of i feel emotionally connected to this girl? I haven't told him how i feel he can be really negative towards gays. I used to think i could tell him anything but i dont think i could tell him this x

 

No silver halo please butt in i need the advice. I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone i know right now and its a comfort to hear thats ok to feel lile that. I just do jot understand how i arrived at 33 withoit having any feelings for a female until now?! That kinda shit happens in soap operas and made for tv movies not real life? X

 

I think it happens more frequently in real life than you think, its just not something that people necessarily talk about. I didn't quite make it to 33 but I made it to my mid 20's before I realised I was gay and before I questioned my sexuality I had absolutely no idea I was anything other than straight. You may find that with your new found insight when you look back over the years you may find some signs which at the time you missed or you might not, either way that is absolutely fine. Sometimes we just can't see these things until we are ready.
Im going to pose you a question now, which I don't expect you to necessarily have an answer, certainly not an immediate answer for but I think it is important to consider. What would you like to happen next?