hey guys, i have been feeling lately that i am always assumed to be straight by strangers/colleagues ..etc by asking me if i have bf etc and i am in the point where i cant stand it so ill come out. i feel releaved after but also incredibly exposed and fragile as im coming out to peopke without being confortable 100%... any ideas to more forward would be greatly appreciated
My advice is to not come out if your not ready maybe if people ask you can just tell them your not dating anyone. It sucks that people automatically assume your straight but that's what people do. Don't let people pressure you to do anything until your ready, but maybe try to figure out whats preventing you from wanting to come out to people without feeling exposed. Try to get to a place where you feel empowered when coming out and feeling confident in who you are as a person. Don't feel pressured though, take your time. This is your life and your journey so don't allow people to attempt to run your life for you. Best of luck! -Grace
I know what you mean. It's frustrating but unless you really fit a certain stereotype (and even then) people are almost always going to asume you're straight. It can be really annoying to have to correct people but you know what, you don't have to if you don't want to. I myself am still trying to figure out when I should correct people or just let it slip when I'm in a conversation with strangers or people that aren't important in my life. I'm afraid of coming over as someone who can only talk about being gay but I also don't want people to assume I'm something that I'm not. Just go with your gut and tell people whenever you want to. You have no obligation to do something you're not comfortable with. You're not lying, these people are assuming. Just once someone I just met and had a conversation with asked me if I had a boyfriend and added 'or girlfriend'. It wasn't in a creepy 'I'm hitting on you' way but just genuin interest in getting to know someone without assuming everyone is straight. It hit me really hard that someone asked that and I immediately felt like I could talk freely. It's so weird how something so small really meant a lot to me and what a difference it made.
oh my goodness LunaMare i feel exactly the say...someone oncce said "boyfriend"and i felt anger creeping in and then immediatly he added "or girlfriend" and it felt sooooo nice all anger disappered!thanks for your advice guys!!
CL1990.....When you come out, who you come out to and how you come out are all decisions that you should make based on what YOU want to do. Your sexuality belongs to you and no one has a right to know about it unless you choose to tell them. That being said...perhaps a less "formal" way of coming out would be more comfortable for you. If you have a desk at work, put a picture of your current crush in a fancy frame on the desk and when people ask who it is tell them it's your crush that you'd so love to go on a date with. Next time you get a text while with someone else, take a look at it and say "it's just another text from my ex...she is driving me crazy wanting to get back together." Offhand comments like that are exactly the kind of things that straight people say all the time....why can't we say it too? Saying those kind of things make our sexuality just as normal and everyday as theirs. I think that even people who are out should make a point of not keeping those kind of comments to themselves around their straight friends/co-workers/colleagues. We need to do our best to make being LGBTQ just another, normal preference. There shouldn't be any really difference between preferring a same-sex partner than preferring a blond or a tall partner. Okay...I know there's more to it than that...but I hope you get my point! .....David
thank you david totally get it and appreciate your response!! the only thing is that i have never been in a relationship so the only thing i can bring up is if i find someone attractive (and most of the time in a straight setting it would be a straight girl which makes me feel silly)
I agree. I wish more people if they ask the, "are you seeing someone?" question would be sure to be inclusive. Not everyone is straight. I would be so happy if someone said that to me despite being single.
