Once upon a time (2011) when I was 20 and still relatively fresh to the world/quite socially awkward I went into my local city to get a haircut. I found this place in the center of town that seemed relatively clean and nice but not too expensive. It was like 4-4:30PM so the work day was winding down a bit and there were no other customers present at this particular establishment. I stuck my head around the door and asked the one guy in there if they were still open and serving customers, he said they were. So I sit down and he starts to cut my hair, we talk about small inconsequential things here and there for about 15 minutes interspersed with a lot of silence. Then all of a sudden with seemingly no warning or context he blurts out "Are you gay!?" at which point I suddenly become very self conscious and start over-analyzing the whole situation. What bothered me the most was that I had no idea why he was asking me this completely out of the blue. Was he gay, was this his way of breaking the ice or was he interested in me as more than a customer???? I had no interest in dating or hooking up with this man whatsoever. He was clearly older than I was (at least mid twenties if not early thirties.) He also gave off no sign of being gay himself (he was very "straight acting" and presented himself as 100% cis.) I ended up giving him some sort of semi-honest answer like "no, I don't think so, I've never been with a guy so..." or something to that effect. After I asked why he wanted to know he gave some really shady answer like "I dunno, I was just wondering.." Aside from one very brief moment when a colleague of his came in to discuss something business related we were alone the entire time which made things extremely awkward after he blurted that out. Did he just have terrible social skills and think that was an acceptable question to ask? What would you have done in this situation?
It was definitely an invasive question to ask, but that doesn't stop a lot of people from asking it. Of course... if you really think about it, if there were no judgment at all in the world about it, then no one would care and asking wouldn't be a big deal. But it's hard to know what his intention was, or what motivated him to do so. What is interesting is that some people (more often those who are gay than those who aren't) do have a remarkably refined gaydar and can pick up on others, and sometimes months or years before they even know or admit it. So it's possible he picked up something in you. As to what I would have done... if it was before I was out, I'm not sure I'd even have been as semi-honest as you were. I would more likely have simply denied it. Not that I'm proud of that response, but that's pretty likely the case.
I've had invasive questions asked of me by barbers/hairstylists such as, "Where do you work?," or "What do you do to earn a living?" I've even been asked where I went to church! While no where near as invasive and inappropriate a question as the one over sexuality, many such questions fall into the category of "None of their business." In such situations I've tended to give vague or flippant answers, or tell them I've got a headache and would they mind if I just closed my eyes and didn't talk while they cut my hair. If you're feeling a bit edgy, simply tell them the information is on a "need to know" basis, and they don't need to know! Then laugh to keep the mood light, and don't give them your return business... Some barbers/stylists feel that engaging a customer in conversation is part of their job and that silence is awkward. For that reason, I've tended to establish a regular trade with someone I feel comfortable with who knows the limits of conversation and doesn't violate mine.
