ok i’m 34 so I think the qualifies as out late....right? I’ve decided to join some lgbt groups in the area and have met this girl (women) that I love texting and think about her a lot. We haven’t gone on an official date, but I have hung out with her one time that felt like a date. And I see her a lot through the groups. My problem is that I’m not sure if I’m really attracted to her sometimes. I wonder if my own insecurities are getting in the way. I feel I’m a little odd in that i’ve Never dated in my whole life. I’ve been on dates but I guess they didn’t take. I’ve also had some miner but very annoying medical problems that prevented me from dating and a few other things with my finances. So what do people think? Am I really attracted to her and when I see her in person it becomes too real so I get nervous or could I just be using her as a fantasy?
I’m afraid only you can really answer that, I haven’t dated either and am struggling to know what more than friends feels like and if I’m actually attracted to them. You sound like you enjoy her company so keep spending time together and try not to overthink the “what do I feel” and it will become clear in time.
This is something I've been scared of if/when I meet someone (I'm 29, never done anything ever with a girl but am pretty sure I'm bi)... I'm paranoid that I will exaggerate my feelings towards anyone who might give me the slightest amount of attention, just because I really really want it to happen. I don't want to jump in head first (lol) but I'm afraid I may not be able to help myself if someone shows interest? @Lia444 is right though - only you can really tell if you're attracted to someone. Being nervous around someone you like is normal because you want to make that good impression and you want them to like you. It sounds like to me that you enjoy being around her and that's a good sign!
It is true that we cannot tell you what you feel but I do totally get where you are coming from. A few years ago I was bridesmaid for my best friend and she asked me to do a reading. She said I could pick what I wanted to read so I spent quite a bit of time browsing for readings. I found one which was all about how love was friendship caught fire and I loved it, I like it is a great explanation. I think you have a great basis from which to explore this friendship and see if it could be more, I don't think you have to know the answer immediately. Why not try and any out with her some more just the 2 of you and see where it goes from there. If you are thinking about her quite a bit I'd say that was a good sign. Don't worry about your lack of experience you will be fine.
Thanks for the replies. I just spent most of the day together with her. It felt a bit awkward at times but I think it was in away that we don’t know each other that well and have nervous laughs. I enjoyed the day except for her complaining about her so called friends. I think she’s going through a friend breakup. As she was talking there would be times that I thought she looked really pretty and than seconds later nothing and then repeat. Is this just the getting to know you part?
Well I think if you are still nervous then it can be. Sometimes I think it takes a while for attraction to grow or at least to show it's face past the nerves. That doesn't mean it definitely will but if you enjoy spending time with her then getting to know her better as a friend can never be a bad thing either.
Yeah, you are right it’s always nice to have friends, i’ll Take all the good people I can get. I’m just worry about myself sometimes, people talk about being in love as being this amazing thing and it’s never happened for me. But trust me I don’t think I’m going to force something either. If I were capable of that I think I would have done so already, years ago.
I think everyone is different. I think love is an amazing thing but different people get there at different speeds and you cant rush it. People explain and express their feelings and emotions in different ways and some people are more cautious than others. Sometimes other people describe stuff the way they think they should rather than the way they themselves perhaps feel it, i'm not saying that they aren't in love but people once they get there sometimes leave out the comments about when they weren't so sure. Enjoy yourself, take it one step at a time and eventually you will get to where you need to be.
Ok, i’m Really liking the text flirting I’m doing with this women. But I think I’m also experiencing some internal homophobia. How do you get past that? I haven’t “come out” to my family because I want this to be more normal, in that I find someone I like and just introduce them to my family. I don’t want to sit them down and “come out”. But am I wrong would telling my family I pretty sure I like women relieve anxiety?
I don't necessarily think that telling your family would relieve all anxiety but it might help. I totally get what you are saying about wanting it to be totally normal. Can you put your finger on what it is that is bothering you the most?
People make coming out like this awesome turd that once you get unconstipated and flush out your coming out bowels you will feel so much better and relieved. Yes you will but guess what you'll still have to take a crap daily. Some days its not that much crap and it comes out easy. Other days it hurt like heck and like you are giving birth to a 10pound newborn. Bottom line there will still be crap in you and you just get a little bit better with defecating it out until eventually its just part of life.
Maybe my anxiety is just because i’ve Never felt this way before about another human being or been physically close to a person. She knows I have not told my family that I’m a lesbian, but there hasn’t been anyone in my life for it to matter that I tell them. Straight people just date and when they find someone special enough to introduce them to their family. That’s what I want to do with her. I want to make sure this is something real and then introduce her to my family. Actually that doesn’t sound like the best plan, maybe I will text them first to say I met someone. I just don’t want to call a family meeting about this. I do feel a little bit like I’ve hidden something from them, but at the same time I don’t. I feel society has just told me i’m Hiding. Does this make sense? Am I wrong here? A part of feel that I would still feel the same anxiety if i was talking to a guy, it’s just with a girl there’s that added pressure of “coming out”.
I don't think you are wrong at all and almost all of what you are feeling is based upon societies view and social pressures of what is right and wrong. Fundamentally you have to do what feels right or most comfortable for you, it's your journey and you are the one living it. What is right for one person isn't right for another. I don't think you are specifically hiding it but perhaps in your effort to make this as 'normal' (such a horrible word) as possible your brain is now worrying that people will think you are hiding it because you are ashamed which isn't necessarily the case. I think there are pros and cons to whichever way you do it and you can't win them all. I don't think anyone should be accused of hiding, these things are difficult to deal with and you have to do it when it feels right for you.
No worries, if you ever want to chat just give me a shout or post on my wall. Sometimes when we are just thinking things over in our head I think they can become a little confused and circular and often just talking them through with someone, even if the other person doesn't say much can just help us figure them out
