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Does a shy girl like me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dingdang, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. Dingdang

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    I would appreciate your thoughts on this...

    Last summer, I met a girl as a TA for a week-long summer camp in Guangzhou, China, where she lives. She's a few years younger than me and a student at the table I managed, which had 10 people including me, two of which she already knew from school. I've been crushing on her for almost a year, but I didn't do anything about it that week because of our TA-student relationship. At the end of the week, I gave everyone my contact information, but she has not texted me. Below are some observations I made. Based on them, do you think she likes me?
    • She would occasionally talk with the students at the table but never directly talked to me.
    • I approached her twice directly to help her write a speech and rehearse it. She was more nervous than usual both times and only talked to me to express agreement politely or to thank me at the end.
    • She pointed her feet toward me while we were seated at the table—I was diagonally across—and twirled her hair quite often.
    • On the last day during lunch, I was sitting with the other TAs, and one of her roommates approached my table and asked for a TA to join them. I agreed. Their table consisted of all the girls in my group and all the girls in another group, which had a different TA. After I sat down and began to eat quietly, some of my crush's friends began to tease her about not talking to me "since she had invited me" indirectly. She didn't respond but listened to me answering the others' questions about life in the US. Later, she began coughing, and she was asked if she was choking on a fish bone. She said no, then got up and left to get a drink, I assume. Near the end of the meal, her roommates started asking me for autographs, so I agreed. My crush did not ask for one. Then, her roommates ran off to the TA table to ask them for autographs, but my crush stayed with me and an older volunteer. She moved to a closer chair to me but on the other side of the volunteer, faced me, and played on her phone until lunch was over.
    • I got in touch with a couple of her friends or classmates after the camp. I asked them to tell her that I wanted to talk to her, and they said they told her but haven't gotten a response. I got her WeChat ID from one friend and sent her a friend request with a message stating my identity and how I got her ID, but instead of accepting, she hid her profile from at least me. This happened a few months after the camp, and it concerns me that I haven't been able to contact her since.
    It's really the last point that worries me. I haven't spoken to her much due to her shyness—when I approached her, her nervousness propagated to me, not the other way around since.

    It's okay if you give advice, but if you do, please do not focus on the facts that I'm transgender and pre-HRT, that we live on opposite sides of the planet, or that we have an age gap that is quite significant for young people. Thanks!
     
  2. Asking

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    Ha, my only qualification to answer this is that I'm shy as well, but I think it sounds like you may be reading into her actions a little too much, which would be understandable as you seem to like her, so you may naturally pay attention to if she like you, too. The strongest example you give that makes it sound like she might is how she invited you over through someone else, then didn't talk to you. But this type of thing can be just a feeling, and if you're getting it then maybe try to talk to her, test the waters a bit. I know that if I liked someone but couldn't bring myself to talk to them, I'd want them to try to initiate conversation, and have another chance to work things out. Then again, if I didn't, I'd be uncomfortable at someone I don't know so well repeatedly initiating conversation, so maybe take the middle ground- I hope things work out! Give us an update!
    Best of luck,
    Sarah
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey it's so difficult to know based on those facts, I mean there is always a chance but I think the issue here is even if she does like you it isn't something she wishes to pursue, whether that is due to her shyness or for other reasons. I feel as though you have done everything in your power to overcome her shyness and give her the opportunity to connect with you but you can't force her too. I know it's really sad when you like someone but I feel like you would be better off trying to move on.
     
  4. Dingdang

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    Thanks for replying. The problem is that I only sometimes text two of her friends—they aren't even close friends. I'm on summer break but they're all still in school for a few more weeks. How could I talk to these friends to get her to communicate with me? I don't know if I should tell them that the reason I want her to talk to me is because I like her.
     
  5. Dingdang

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    Thanks, silverhalo. The thing is, I don't know whether she really is avoiding me or simply can't text because she's busy with school or her parents won't let her. Maybe her parents saw my friend request and didn't want her communicating with anyone. This is not too unlikely because her classmate told me she's unresponsive to her as well. Perhaps she just doesn't check her messages frequently during the school year, so I can't say that she's deliberately avoiding me.

    My last resort is to ask the organizer of the camp to contact her parents so I can mail them an evaluation form for her to fill out. Then communication by mail wouldn't be too difficult if she's interested. The problem is that I don't want her to think of me as an authority figure, and it also seems desperate if she finds out why I'm using mail at all.

    Before this last resort, I'd like to come up with ways to ask her friends to get her attention and convince her to say something to me directly, which isn't too technically difficult since she already has my ID and her friends could give it to her if she lost it. I just don't know how to talk to her friends to ask for this favor!
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Ok I understand where you are coming from but if it is a case that she isn't avoiding you but doesn't check her messages during school term time then if she is interested once school breaks up it is fair to assume that she will reply. Don't you think?
    If it is a case of her parents not letting her then I'd say that is going to be quite difficult to overcome, I mean I understand you like her and want to try and work around it but you also don't want her to get into lots of trouble do you?

    I don't think you should get the organiser of the camp to sort out a form so you can send it, I think this would be using your status as a TA to gain contact which together with your motives just doesn't sit right with me at all.

    I know you really like her and sure it is possible that she likes you back but can't/hasn't been able to message you back but I don't think this is the most likely scenario.
     
  7. Dingdang

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    Yes, I think she will eventually reply once school ends. I'm thinking about creating a group chat for everyone who was at my table group and having her classmate add her in. That would be a good-enough starting point since I just want to stay in touch with her for a while and build a personal connection when possible. I'm not in a rush except in establishing some form of reliable communication.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Ok well of course you know her better than I do, I just don't want you to be disappointed if she doesn't.