This is my current coming out letter to my parents (pansexual). It has not been delivered yet, and I would really appreaciate if if someone could give advice on writing a coming out letter. My parents are both generally accepting of the LGBTQ community, but you may notice that I switched up my definition of pansexuality because my parents aren’t quite on board with the whole “more than two genders”. Here it is: Dear Mom and Dad, I’m writing this letter because there’s something I need to get off my chest. It’s been cooped up in there since eighth grade, and over the past two years, I’ve been slowly telling my friends and family one by one. Now that my cousins, friends, and siblings are all in-the-know, I think it’s time that I come out to you as pansexual. I debated the use of language in this letter for quite some time. Pansexuality is a great source of debate and confusion, even within the LGBTQ community, and I didn’t want to raise more questions than I had to. Should I come out as simply “queer” instead? I ultimately decided that this letter is about being myself, and that includes being pansexual. So, what is pansexuality? If you don’t already know, I should tell you that pansexuality is quite similar to bisexuality - attraction to multiple genders. Some consider it attraction “regardless of gender” of “gender-blind attraction”. I’m sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women, not necessarily in equal measure. That’s about it. Also, I’m completely monogamous (and single). Just clearing that up. Of course, you may already know this. In any case, you do now. What remains a mystery to both of us is what the future holds - relationships, marriage, and family; I could share any of it with literally anyone and that concept is, frankly, both exhilarating and slightly terrifying. Lastly, I want to thank you for the guidance and unconditional love that you have always shown. I would’ve be writing this if it weren’t for my certainty that you could love your daughter no matter what. This is a part of who I am, but I’m still the same person you’ve always known. I sincerely hope you can accept me going forwards - pansexuality and all. All my love, —————- That’s it. Do you think my definition of my sexuality is adequate? Do you think there’s something I need to add or take off? Anything else?
It is generally well-written, I think. Since you feel like your parents would not understand about "more than two genders," do you think it would make a difference if you added in the letter that you're open to talking to them and answering questions about pansexuality, and then maybe giving a better explanation if they take you up on that?
PlaidCat27.....Hello and welcome to empty closets! There is a resource here on EC that has sample coming out letters that you might want to read. It's kind of tricky to find so here is a "road map" to get there: Coming Out Advice Coming Out Stories Coming Out Stories New Resources Page Martin left a link in the first post here Martin left a second link in the top post here also Near the top of the page there is a menu bar with links and one of them is Coming Out Letters Sorry, but that's the only way I know to get there right now! There are 8 or nine letters as I recall...they may give you some good ideas! .....David
Thanks, guys! Btw, I was wondering when I should give it to them. they’ll both be around for most of the summer, and I want them to find out at the same time (preferably not while I’m in the room). No time is any more stressful than another. Any suggestions?
PlaidCat27.....I think giving it to them when you won't be around for at least an hour or two is a very good idea. That time span will allow them to be able to talk to each other and work out how they feel. Many parents value time to talk through an important issue about their children so they can agree on what to say and do rather than each have a different reaction (even though they may each take it differently). My wife and I often did that with our kids. Other than that...what ever seems ok with you as you know your parents the best! .....David
Hey. It’s me again. I checked out those links you guys gave me, and they’ve bee very helpful. I’ve modeled my letter after this: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters/letter-4--martin.pop. It’s very similar, but I’ve switched up wording to make it my own. I’m also considering coming out as bisexual instead of pansexual. I would still use pansexuality to describe myself, but it might be easier to just tell my parents that I’m bi. I’m pretty happy with where I am. I still want to tell my siblings/cousins/friends before I break the news to my parents, so it might take me a while to actually deliver this. In either way, my letter is written and it should be delivered to my parents my the end of august. Thanks for your help.
I do think using bisexual would be clearer and easier for them to understand. I feel like more straight people have heard the word bisexual so they might have a better base of knowledge to work out what you are telling them. And to me the two terms are interchangeable.
