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Is it a right time to define the relationship status?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Alex1976, May 14, 2018.

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  1. Alex1976

    Alex1976
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    We are both closeted (him - just an assumption) guys in our 30thies - so far always in relationships with women (i did out to him, he never came out to me - just gave me hints...flirting texting, "coincidental" touches, blushing, planning every spare time together- simply mid age bromance that seems to be moving quickly into romance? )And here is the thing. He keeps playing it on and off for six months already which makes me feel crazy but recently started suggesting in this specific way we communicate (all based on inside jokes, subtexts, innuendos- never talk about serious things directly !) there is some breakthrough comming. When I ask him ( at subtext level) when he finally make a step he keeps saying with a twisted smile he needs to keep it in suspense for a little while...We are now both planning a business trip together and he seems to be very nervous about it. He made sure we are at the same hotel floor and wants us to skip evening teams out...Do you think this is a good time to bring our relationship status up or I'm simply to impatiant?
     
    #1 Alex1976, May 14, 2018
  2. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Would you say the flirting, touching and spending time together has increased somewhat since you came out to him? Perhaps he needed you to declare your position first and now that you have he is processing his own feelings.

    At some point you need to have a serious conversation about all of the suggestive remarks and flirtatious behaviour. It definitely seems to have progressed beyond friendly teasing and banter, and so far you have let each other off the hook by failing to question precisely what it all means. It may become necessary to take a more direct approach and press the issue, so if nothing comes of the business trip, I think it might be a good idea to ask some questions.
     
    #2 PatrickUK, May 14, 2018
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  3. Alex1976

    Alex1976
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    Thanks PatrickUK,
    After I came out to him in March it acttually dropped immidiatelly for about 3 weeks- he was in a very strange mood, withdrawn a little and was suffering from constant headaches and was really down - he started talking about need of confession and atonement ( we both come from very religious family background) and suddenly 3 weeks ago it picked up again and looks to be less flirty but much more he started including me in all his planns however he still keeps starring at my mouth, biting his lips and blushing with his big blue eyes pupils dilating...and he nervously fidgets with his belt all the time we talk...
     
    #3 Alex1976, May 14, 2018
  4. Alex1976

    Alex1976
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    Oh..one more thing...I was away couple of days for some work related training and texted him I met a brilliant coach there who advised me on some problem we were both trying to figure out eralier. He didn't comment that at all but replied back out of the blue that one of our mutual guy friends invited him for a weekend and he is now hesitating whether to accept it or not...
     
    #4 Alex1976, May 14, 2018
  5. Alex1976

    Alex1976
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    Update: nothing came of the business trip apart from us spending all time together - not much talking though- just an odd silence and bit odd nervous small talk on random topics...however right after the trip things at work started to be even more strange - in open space when coworkers are around we started ( he initiated) game pretending we dont spend time together outside the work... " oh I thought you were off today" or "did your GF ( i dont have one) got that job?" I followed that game naturally and then he explained briefly we need to be careful because open space have ears etc...I just nodded my approvel and smiled...
    Guys - does it mean it's getting closer to finally define our status or opposite- he leads me on..
    .Thanks
     
    #5 Alex1976, Jun 2, 2018
  6. imperfect111

    imperfect111
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    I dont know why i sense some hurt along the way
    Why do you need to go through all of this hassle.
    Sit him down and get it over with.
    I am afraid he is going to play both teams and you will suffer.

    Make calculated moves with this guy. Withdraw a little and see how he handles it. If there is a recoil from his side, you have the answer.
     
    #6 imperfect111, Jun 2, 2018
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  7. Luke1818

    Luke1818
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    Spot on intuition imperfect111- I am phisically and mentally exchausted trying to figure this out for several months. Since he is very sensitive and fearful I think he is still in some kind of denial and confronted will simply go very defensive and angry...I would have told him what I feel if only knew he would reciprocate...
     
    #7 Luke1818, Jun 2, 2018
  8. imperfect111

    imperfect111
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    Life is too short.
    Do what makes you happy
    but most importantly DO NOT do something or get involved with someone who compromise your character.

    Ask yourself if he is worth it?
    - Will he make you a better person?
    - Will he help you grow in life?
    - Will he be there when others are gone?
    - Is he someone who is willing to meet your demons and befriend them because he loves you?

    - If the answers are no. Then move on. Find someone worthy even if you have to wait.
    Life is too short to wait around for months n months on end.

    Have you life sorted, do the things that count. Do things right and the right person will JUST fall into your path.
     
    #8 imperfect111, Jun 2, 2018
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  9. Alex1976

    Alex1976
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    Thans so much imperfect111. Althouhg answers to all of the above is yes, you made me questioned this relationship as such for the first time. Best, A.
     
    #9 Alex1976, Jun 2, 2018
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