Advice to help guide my son through his journey

My 15 year old son came out to me about a year or so ago. He also came out to his friends, but no one in the family. His grandfather was dying at the time and, while he seemed to want to come out to his father, decided the timing was a bit off. He wanted to let his dad deal with the loss of his own father before asking him to digest more.

His father and I live together. We are not married. His father is a bit more old school, well, a lot more old school in his thinking and views on the world. He has never said anything mean, but has made a few ignorant comments about homosexuality. We are all Catholic, but I am modern and progressive, as many Catholics are. I practice, his father and that side of the family do not, for the most part. Maybe that is why they are more behind in their thinking, but my son has since back peddled and no longer wants to come out to his dad.

I believe he actually does want to, but is afraid. I truly believe his father would ultimately be fine, though not sure of his initial reaction. I want to guide him to come out, but don' want to push. I guess part of me feels he will be unburdened in some way if he does, and, if the reaction is bad then he is better off knowing than living in secret. I really don't think it would be like that, though, but admit it could be rough initially.

To compound the problem, he goes to Catholic school. Again, progressive Catholics embrace all, but not all Catholics are progressive. Plus, it is his first year in high school, so he doesn' know anyone really. I believe the atmosphere is more accepting than he thinks it is, but there is ignorance everywhere.

The public school in our town is not really an option. My son is straight A+, honors classes, principal's list, heck, even an academic scholarship. The public school has about a 40% proficiency rating and a not-so-great reputation for crime. And, to switch schools, we would have to tell his father something, so we're back to the does he or doesn't he come out question.

I have reached out to a few resources looking for a teen support group for him, PFLAG, Fortunate Families, a priest who works with the LGBT community, but either I get no response (the former) or they are unaware of a local teen group (the latter).

I will continue my search for resources for him. I am here, I suppose, looking for support and, perhaps advice, for myself to help him.

I didn't realize how long this would be. If you've read this far, thank you for listening. Sometimes just writing things down helps. If there are no responses, I'm OK with that. I've unburdened myself a bit. And, if there are responses, thank you in advance.

 

Thank you, Chip. I will try PFLAG again. And, thank you for the advice on school. I am not so sure about the home school thing, though.

I have offered to tell his father if he wants me to, but it is his decision and I'm sure he'll make it when he's ready. I think finding him a group to speak to would be helpful.

Oh, and, as for his current school, it's hard to tell the atmosphere. He has specifically asked me not to nose around. Again, his decision in his time.

Thank you again!

 

Well, I hope you're father has come, or will come, to be more open-minded. Good luck to you!

 

Thank you! The friends I mentioned were in his Middle School and now he is in High School, so, yes, new kids. But, he does still speak with his old friends, even if he is not with them in school anymore.

 

Thanks again, Chip. You've been really helpful!

I did tell my son about EC. I am hoping he joins.

 

I'm so sorry, John. Strange about Thanksgiving. My father died a few days after Thanksgiving (many years ago) and my father-in-law died a few days before Thanksgiving. It's not easy to lose a parent.

 

Turned you around in what way?

 

It does sound like a struggle and I am glad that you found EC. Stay strong and true to yourself.