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I think my mom is displaying “tough love”

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by anonmember, May 25, 2018.

  1. anonmember

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    I keep going through mood swings the more and more I tell people. I just told one of my other close friends who is a girl that I’m bi. The internet says people often tell “a few close friends”, so I thought at the most telling 3 people would be best. But before I tell people, and because I have autism, I don’t think about the possible consequences that could come with this, like my girlfriend dumping me. And then it hits me the instant after I tell someone. My parents are clearly fed up with me talking about this topic. My mom has babied me practically my whole life (as you maybe have seen in one of my previous posts, and I would say it’s probably my autism that causes her to baby me.), and she has kept saying “I’m done babying you.”, and then she keeps going right back to babying me. I keep telling her about me making progress forward and practicing the techniques that my therapists have taught me to combat anxiety, and she has always patted me on the back and said “good job”, but then I always regress backwards and go back into anxious rabbit holes. But today, she said to me very harshly “You just want attention, you don’t care whether it’s good or bad, and I am done patting you on the back for every good accomplishment you make because you always regress back to anxiety!”. She later explained to me that this is to help me in the long run though.
     
  2. anonmember

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    I agree with her that I like attention. And I do think it’s a problem. On the one hand, I am a very hard worker and my friends are absolutely charmed by that, but on the other hand, I crave attention and I am addicted to getting “babied” by my mom.
     
  3. anonmember

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    I want help for this, but since wanting attention is an addiction of mine, I don’t know how to get out of it. I may need to talk with either of my therapists more in depth about this another time
     
  4. anonmember

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    After a text conversation with my gay therapist today talking more in-depth about my paranoia and unrealistic anxiety, I now feel happy again. I hate these mood swings. He also told me he thinks the 3 people I told are good people to tell, which makes me feel better too.
     
    #4 anonmember, May 25, 2018
    Last edited: May 25, 2018
  5. Hemospectrum

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    Hi, anonmember.
    It sounds like your mother is provoking guilt in your life, which is not ideal at all. Some would even say that this is an example of emotional abuse. I would suggest discussing with your mother about how she causes you to feel guilt (only if you're comfortable enough to do so, however). Did you tell her that you were Bi? Is that why she said that you were attention seeking? I feel like you should mention this and how you feel like you have an addiction for attention to your therapist. I believe they could help you a lot.
    I have to applaud you on how you came out to some people. It is always a tough action to do. Just remember that it's not required to come out to everyone!
     
  6. Hemospectrum

    Hemospectrum Guest

    Also, threads like this should be posted in the Support Area (specifically Family, Friends, and Relationships). Chit-chat is used for more general, everyday topics. Please try keeping that in mind for your next thread!
     
  7. anonmember

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    I told my mom I was bi, and she said I was attention seeking NOT because of that, but because I constantly ask her to pat me on the back for every positive accomplishment I make, and every time something goes wrong, I constantly ask her for help, which is practically an addiction of mine because she has babied me my whole life (when I was younger, my autism was a lot bigger and I had a harder time functioning in life, so she felt like babying me was necessary, now, she just does it out of habit because now I am super high functioning and practically are “normal” in a lot of aspects of my life). Now she’s trying to get me to “figure things out on my own” and stop depending on her so much. I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder, depression, social anxiety disorder, and bipolar disorder in addition to having autism, which makes life a lot tougher for me. I take medication for all of the above though, so I have learned to manage all of this stuff a lot better. I just actually think it’s good what she’s doing, but it’s going to be tough.
     
  8. anonmember

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    Sorry, I didn't know any better.
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    I think you should talk to your therapist about all of this. It's not just attention you are seeking, but validation too.

    There is a time and place for tough love, but you don't launch straight into it like your mom seems to have done. Better to withdraw the level of support, attention and validation she has been offering and allow you to make decisions (and mistakes) for yourself before going down the tough route.