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Doubting...again...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hawk, May 22, 2018.

  1. Hawk

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    So I came out to a few of my friends yesterday, and they were all super supportive and still wanted to stay in touch which is great. However, now I'm having doubts if I actually am trans.
    I asked them to call me Liam, but as we are all in different cities right now I don't know when I'll get to see them in-person next.

    The past few days dysphoria was being a b*tch and I feel like it was at it's peak. Yesterday and today it seems to be "settling down", and now I'm doubting if I actually am trans or if it's all in my head.

    The thing I am sure of is that I am transmasculine (whether I'm butch, trans, somewhere in the middle) I'm unsure of.

    I'm glad I said something, but I don't know if it's just all in my head or not.
     
  2. i am just me

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    Hey Liam,
    I can relate really well to that feeling. When I first came out to someone about my gender identity, it was in a time when my dysphoria was quite bad as well. But after I had told two people about it, it suddenly seemed to vanish and I started doubting myself. A similar thing happened a few days ago, when I wrote a letter to a group of people, coming out and asking them to call me Noah on the weekend when I get to meet them. I wasn't in a really good place the last two weeks and felt really self-conscious about my body and people seeing me as a girl. This totally disappeared after I wrote the letter.

    Anyways, by now I think that's actually a good sign. After all you have done something that gets you closer to being seen as who you are. It's only natural that your dysphoria decreases once you do something like that. I've once read an interview with a psychiatrist who said that a similar thing happens when people come to therapy the first time. They sit there and apologize that they have come, because their symptoms had faded since they had called to make the appointment. The psychiatrist explained that's because they feel empowered and not as helpless anymore, because they have realized that they can do something to change their situation. It seemed quite logical to me.

    I don't know if that makes sense to you, but maybe it helps to see things from a different angle.
     
  3. Sota

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    I agree with @i am just me . After i came out to my cousin and my crush, something faded away. It's somehow easier when you come out and see that your closest friends accept you.
     
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  4. Kodo

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    The time after coming out is an adjustment period in of itself. Give yourself time.

    It's alright not to fit into the binary, you're enough as you are. Don't let anyone pressure you into fitting some made up image of what trans people are "supposed to" look like.

    We're here for you all the way Liam.
     
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  5. Mihael

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    That’s much to know tho. :slight_smile:

    Congrats on coming out!

    For me it made a world of difference in terms of comfort, so... maybe for you it does too.
     
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  6. Secrets5

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    Maybe not being out was an element of dysphoria, and when you come out the this uneasiness goes away (a bit).
     
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  7. BradThePug

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    I agree with what others have said here. It can be weird after you have come out to some people, because you lose some of the dysphoric feelings because socially you are seen as your identified gender. For me, it made me feel a lot more comfortable. That made me question everything all over again. It was frustrating.
     
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  8. KayNB

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    One of the things that is talked about sometimes but maybe not highlighted as much is that in addition to "gender dysphoria"... many of us are likely to feel "gender euphoria" from scenarios like what you mention. In my mind, gender euphoric moments are just more proof of trans identity.

    For me, when I have a gender-euphoric moment, I notice that I am not nearly as worried about all the things that are mismatched between my gender presentation and identity. I feel like I'm being me easier in those times. This could be misinterpreted as "I don't need to take physical action to correct my body"... and if I could feel gender euphoria all the time that might be true!... the problem is... it generally only happens when I've taken a new step in my transition like coming out to someone, expressing my gender more, pursuing something related to transition etc... then eventually my mood normalizes out after and I am back to basic non-euphoric feelings

    Here is my theory on why it happens... I am not a psychologist so this is all just guesses based on what I've read about psychology and it's certainly not advice!. Sometimes when you're happy if you don't overthink it your brain is slightly biased towards the positive. When we feel things our minds like to find ways to justify those feelings so it creates an inertia like effect. Unfortunately because of cognitive dissonance we tend to argue with ourselves when that happens and say "wait, I am not this happy of a person, what in my world is causing my world view to mismatch from my experience" and we try to find something wrong like "oh maybe I am not trans enough"... so then the inertia is broken...
     
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  9. PatrickUK

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    Just supposing your friends hadn't been so accepting, where do you think you would be now with everything? Sometimes we need to rewind a little and consider the alternative perspective when doubts arise in our minds. This is true of many things in life... when I've had doubts about things I've had to sit down and reflect on the alternative scenario/s and it's usually that process of contemplation that brings me round.
     
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