Coping with End of 10 Year Relationship

Hi there, sorry to read about all the heartbreak you went through.

I’m not an expert at relationships but what I’ve learn from past experience (not just love relationships), is that it’s important to learn to be a complete & whole person on your own before you try and build bonds with anyone.

From what you said, it sounds like your relationship turned toxic. It will take a while but there’s no reason you can’t come back from this, and start rebuilding yourself.

I have no real advice, just don’t be too hard on yourself.

 

My relationship has turned quite toxic recently, and what I’ve learnt from that is to have a life of your own first. This isn’t to say that you need to be 100% happy with yourself, because let’s be honest, we all have needs. Whether it be hanging out with friends, or having someone to be our sounding board, we all need the help from others.

10 years is a long time to spend your life with someone. I cannot imagine the struggle you must be going through. What I’m trying to do is find myself again, and work towards my own personal goals. This includes working on myself, trying new things, and just learning to be comfortable in my own space. I’ll also be seeing my psychologist once again to understand myself more.

This is a learning process for me too, you’re not alone.

 

Same as Jax. I feel my relationship has also turned toxic. I identify with OP as well. I'm in my first same sex relationship, currently at 6+ years, at first we were madly in love, she moved in with me after 3-4 years, in the beginning I worked all the time, changed to a better job, etc. She is the reason I too came out of the closet with everyone. We spend all our time together literally since we've moved in together, I've managed to become super distant from friends since our relationship began, so I basically have no friends now. She is also very flirtatious with people in person and messaging, but claims she has no idea and doesn't realize it, at first I admit I was jealous, but now I'm at the stage of I'm over it. I had suspicions earlier on that she'd cheated on several different occasions, which I never fully clarified the truth of, which I'm now also over. We're at the point now of now sex, no intimacy, etc. Although we still sleep in the same bed. I've felt my relationship going downhill for awhile and I've tried so many ways to fix it and nothing seems to work. I'm now just kind of going with the flow of things and unfortunately kind of just waiting for it to end. Over the past couple years I've became increasingly depressed I fear mostly due to my relationship. After trying to change things and improve the relationship with no results I've came to realize that I need to just worry about myself for a minute. Recently I've been getting back into contact with some old friends and I've just been trying to improve my happiness, because the depression has been real. And for some reason I still cling on to this tiny hope that my relationship will work itself out and all will end well, although I doubt that's going to be the outcome.

If my relationship does end I plan on taking a long break from dating/relationships and in turn am going to spend the time to work on myself. Maybe take some time to pamper yourself when you get bored, treat yourself. Find some hobbies/activities to occupy your time and to heal. Maybe try to reconnect with old friends or make new friends. With time you will heal and with time you will find another love, possibly the one you've needed all along.

I'm not sure what all to say here, because I'm not exactly in the same situation. I imagine it is definitely rough being alone after 10 years spent with someone. My relationship hasn't ended and hasn't been as long as yours, but I feel your pain honestly. I feel alone even when right beside of my spouse, it is hard. I fear it would be even more difficult if she wasn't with me though. When you share your life with someone and share literally everything and then you're suddenly alone I imagine it's the loneliest. If it were me I think I'd get out of the house and find something fun to do with others. You should spend some time with other people, regardless of if you really know them, is it possible to go to a bar/club? Or LGBT group of some sort? I'm sorry this is happening for you, but things will be okay in the end, and honestly by the sounds of it you deserve better and will receive someone better the next time around. Make sure you allow yourself to heal before jumping into another relationship, it'll make for better chances of no issues. I hope all goes well for you and you get happiness and that lonely void filled. If you ever need to talk I'm here every other day and I'm sure some fellow members would say the same. Sorry for the rambling at the beginning.