1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Identities in LGBTQ spaces

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by signmypapyrus, May 19, 2018.

  1. signmypapyrus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2017
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    Out west
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A few of my straight friends have started identifying themselves as “butch” (straight female friend) or “twink” (straight guy at work). Buzzfeed has an article on all the straight male twinks, but it got me thinking about me these terms. Also: Buzzfeed is a lot of fun, FYI.

    What do you think of straight people doing this?

    And how do you identify?

    I identify as queer femme since I’m not super feminine, but my femme persona mainly comes from my role as caregiver and healer. I mean, I do like makeup and nail polish, but where I am overtly femme is how I behave as an educator, friend, and partner. In other words, it’s inside.

    I have mixed feelings about straight people monopolizing and sometimes even policing queer language. We see this happen often, but I also wonder (my hopeful heart!) if not all these folks are “straight.”

    Looking forward to everyone else’s thoughts!
     
  2. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,716
    Likes Received:
    728
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I always get a chuckle out of the fact that the gaming community uses the term twink in a totally different, although metaphorically related, sense--and I think a lot of people who use it don't know the other meaning. Aside from that I can't say I've ever really encountered what you are speaking of. Butch I guess I can see--I guess I don't really see that as a particularly LGBT term. My root inclination is to say that a straight guy who calls himself a twink doesn't quite understand what it means. As far as how I identify, I'm just gay--I guess I'm a pretty middle of the road guy.
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  3. signmypapyrus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2017
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    Out west
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    How does the gaming community use it?
     
  4. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,716
    Likes Received:
    728
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A twink is a character that you have intentionally stopped the development of at a key point before a natural stepup in the game. So in Warcraft a twink would be a level 19 or 39 or 59 character where the experience accrual has been turned off but then you feed that character all the perfect weapons, armor and enchantments for that level. You then use them to fight other natural characters at that level, none of which will have the optimal weapons, armor etc. because in an hour they're going to be level 20, 40, 60 etc. so what's the point? They are in essence grown characters who look and act like young characters but have all the skill and power that comes with age.
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  5. 18breanna

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2017
    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    VA, USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Straight people becoming interested in queer culture is fine by me.

    I'd like to be high femme. It sounds really cool and I love girly/cute/feminine women

    When have straight people policed/monopolised language? Like, what would be an example of that?
     
    #5 18breanna, May 19, 2018
    Last edited: May 19, 2018
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  6. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,055
    Likes Received:
    715
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't really have an identity, but if we're going strictly by physical characteristics I would fit in the twink category (according to Wikipedia's definition at least, early 20's guy with slim youthful appearance and not much body hair). I'm not feminine at all though and people seem to expect that when they hear twink so I don't think I'd ever call myself that.

    I don't have a problem with straight people using LGBT terms to describe themselves but it doesn't make sense to me why they would want to.
     
    #6 Destin, May 19, 2018
    Last edited: May 19, 2018
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  7. signmypapyrus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2017
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    Out west
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think the most straight (omg haha!) forward response would be when straight people explain LGBTQ experiences or identities to queer people. I experience this often and witness it to. I’m more curious what others think. When I was a baby dyke, I would get frustrated, but now I’m more fascinated by these moments and how people choose to identify.

    ETA I just wrote an article for a small mag and it was on disability identity and it was so fun to write! But the answers totally threw me and made me really think about other spaces and communities.

    And this may help: https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/07/17/magazine/when-everyone-can-be-queer-is-anyone.html
     
    #7 signmypapyrus, May 19, 2018
    Last edited: May 19, 2018
    18breanna likes this.
  8. Cinnamon Bunny

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2016
    Messages:
    423
    Likes Received:
    290
    Location:
    South USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Pulled up Buzzfeed to answer this. I got "Pastel Lesbian" as a result, though I'm bi so I'm not sure if this works? I don't really label myself as anything, not sure what (if anything) fits.

    I don't see harm in them identifying as butch, especially if they adopt it in a positive and proud way. It seems to me straight people doing so just normalizes the term and makes us more connected as "people", rather than "gay" or "straight". That isn't to say if it bothers anyone, those feelings aren't valid. I can see an issue with people re-defining the language and meanings are lost. Yet this is how slang and language as been operating for so long, I've just about given up since people just don't care what words actually mean. After all, even "gay", "butch" etc originate elsewhere in language.
     
  9. sparki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2017
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If I had to pick a label it would be soft butch. If you saw my pictures throughout my life I think y’all would agree. I have referred to myself as a hybrid. First and foremost I am sparki, a human being.

    This is my favorite BuzzFeed quiz.

    Which Tori Amos song are you?
    You got: "Silent All These Years"
    You are a bohemian at heart. You’re earthy, introspective, and more often than not a homebody. You relish your private time and space and devote most of your energy to making that space your oasis.

    I am curious... How many labels do you identify with? Do they overlap or contradict? Names of the labels aren’t important.
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  10. Biguy45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    477
    Location:
    United states
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Masculine bi
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  11. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Slowly morphing to fem gay and liking it. Always pretended that I was this masculine athletic mainstream type but in reality I was not. I am now free of that self imposed BS and don’t care what others might label me as. My BF is very femme gay and I think that is what first attracted me.
    So much for labels.
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  12. signmypapyrus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2017
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    Out west
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Buzzfeed quizzes are great fun and a perfect distraction from real work, ha!

    I think your last few questions are really interesting and important! I know for me, horses are my main identity. From there, my illness is another one.

    Anyone else?
     
    merry likes this.
  13. Peterpangirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    846
    Likes Received:
    662
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I feel I am similar to this song too!
     
    sparki likes this.
  14. Peterpangirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    846
    Likes Received:
    662
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm femme, but middle of the road femme. Moderately interested in makeup. Not interested in spending lots of time on appearance. Feel most comfortable in dresses. Attracted to the feminine tomboy aspect of my girlfriend.
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  15. sparki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2017
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Tomboy was the label I had growing up.

    I wore a dress about 5 years back and my long time, overtly honest, friend told me sternly to never do that again. I still laugh about it to this day. She knew it wasn’t “me”. I am the bluejean t’shirt gal she has always known. I do appreciate that there are women comfortable in dresses. I admire women that can pull together clothing combinations that reflect their personality and taste. Clothes shopping is a nightmare... unless it is at the Buckle. There is a gal there that makes my heart do flip flops and I get so nervous I can hardly talk. Awkward
     
    signmypapyrus and Biguy45 like this.
  16. normalwolverine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2014
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't have any issue with it, as long as the labels make sense for the person. To a lot of people, "butch," for example, really is about how you look, and that doesn't have to be about sexual orientation. In fact, it's probably way more about gender identity, and atypical "man"/"woman" gender identity doesn't always go with being LGBT. There are people out there, though, who might call another [straight] woman "butch" just because she never wears dresses or isn't into going all out with hair and makeup, and that's the kind of thing I have an issue with. There's no one way to be feminine or masculine, and sometimes women cut other women down just because they're not about to spend two hours in the bathroom getting ready to go somewhere or because they won't waste entire Saturdays at the hair salon (I mean like hours and hours). Basically, I'm saying when you use these labels as an insult, I have an issue.

    And I don't really identify. Most people assume I'm straight, but I don't wear makeup, I'm not into hair, I like really comfortable clothes and am usually wearing my favorite sports team's shirts when I'm not at work. I would say I'm a tomboy, except I've never been able to do guy stuff as well as guys can do them (except for talking sports) and have no interest in that.

    As far as straight people monopolizing/policing queer language, this is the same thing white people do to black people. It's really not new, except we haven't yet gotten to the part where straight people feel entitled to be able to run around using LGBT slurs with straight people and even LGBT people and don't see what the problem is, have all kinds of ridiculous excuses to justify using those slurs and actually feel like they're the ones victimized because they're told they can't/shouldn't use those slurs. We'll get there, though.
     
    signmypapyrus likes this.
  17. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    are you also disabled? i am recently disabled bisexual woman feeling so invisible and would love to read something like that.
     
  18. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    a lesbian friend of mine is vocal about disliking terms going mainstream like “wcw” woman crush wednesday or girl crush.. she thinks it makes it harder to determine who is actually gay, or what i would say who is available to her..

    but my belief is that perhaps these people are bi, maybe it is their way of showing soldarity or non-judgement for same sexual attractions or just support for other women?

    then again i have seen some very straight forward conservatives using these terms, the ones that also go to protest women’s marches... so?


    anyone else have issue with such terms?
     
  19. signmypapyrus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2017
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    Out west
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yep, I am! I have a few chronic illnesses and have been active in various disability communities since around 2007. I run a blog about epilepsy and my PhD is in disability studies. I’m more than happy to chat with you with you if would like.

    The article is coming out soon, but I may post it to my personal blog in the next week or so.
     
    #19 signmypapyrus, May 27, 2018
    Last edited: May 27, 2018
  20. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    thank you! i would really appreciate that. i have multiple diagnosis as well, and it took over a decade to find most of them. so i’ve been feeling the pain and loneliness much longer than it had a name (or a few) which i find ironically similar to the coming out process...

    i also have faced discrimination from the medical field and feel that it has put a delay on getting proper treatment.

    glad to meet someone who gets it!